How would you respond to Marina?

Posted in christians, Devil, False religion, Uncategorized on May 21, 2012 by devilbloggger

Friends, take a break for a few minutes and consider an interesting thread unfolding over on the “Ask Satan” page (link in right side bar).

A good soul going by the name of “Marina” has asked some honest inquiring questions, and some other good souls have been doing an unfortunately effective job at answering her.

I wonder how others would respond.

Some history:

On May 16, Marina began with lamenting:

“. . . I have to go to a christian church because of my parents and when i go in i feel like the place is so unholy and dirty and i feel like i am in danger.  i want to know if there is a way to block this feeling because i think that it will get stronger until it is unbearable.  I also wanted to know how to deal with my parents talking about god all the time it makes me sick to the stomach.  I am so tired of christians i feel like they suck out my energy and make me feel sick.  I hope you come back soon if this website is real which i hope it is because really the christian situation is getting out of hand.  Thank you Father for always being there for me.”

I (moi) answered her:

This website is real, and it’s not silly (Note: Marina had questioned the reality of this site, and wondered if it was “silly”).  You should read ALL the posts and pass it along to all your friends.  And, yes, you are in danger going to a Christian church.  If it is a church that preaches the gospel (blechhhh!), then you are in danger of hearing the gospel and being rescued from my kingdom.  I suggest you listen very closely to what is preached and see if you can detect the gospel.  Listen with your ears and your heart.  If you hear the gospel, let me know.  I will give you additional instructions.

After Marina informed me that she is forced to attend an “evangelical” church, I responded:

Evangelical churches are some of the worst. Do they preach that Jesus died for YOU? Do they preach that Jesus paid the price for YOUR sin and that if you believe in faith that he was raised from the dead you will be saved? If so, you are in real danger of escaping my captivity. So here is what I want you to do. Tell me in your own words what you believe to be the “gospel”. And tell me if when you understand what Jesus did for you on the cross you feel a tug at your heart that wants to respond in grateful acceptance of his free gift of eternal life. If that happens, you are very close to the precipice of abundant and eternal life. Please report back to me soon.

Others chimed in, including “mazsamen”:

marina~of course Satan comes here, dear.  He’s everywhere people are.  He’s always looking for converts.  He wants your eternal soul…just like the other side (God) wants your eternal soul.  Take the good advice of DB, as we affectionately call devilblogger here.  Stay in touch.  We like to hell-p.  hahaha.

Mazsamen has held an admirable dialog with Marina, treating Marina’s honest inquiries and blunt opinions of Christianity with tender wisdom (which I hate!).

And, indeed, others DID like to hell-p (I like that!).   In particular, Shalimamma left an unfortunately excellent post today.

You can read the entire chain over at “Ask Satan” (you may need to scroll several pages to get to marina’s original post).

As most of you know, I (moi) oppose all true and wise knowledge of God on earth, and continue to roam about the earth seeking whom I might devour through false philosophies and vain deceit.  I often use the “church” turn off young people, and it seems I may be successful with Marina, who has fallen captive to some of my greatest lies.

I’m curious.  How would others respond to Marina, a true, honest seeker who has some real problems with Christianity?  Use the comment section below to respond.  To make your response more effective, consider first copying the specific statement of Marina’s to which you are responding.

Enjoy!

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Donna Summer: Not the Last Dance

Posted in christians with tags on May 17, 2012 by devilbloggger

Donna.

Where is she???  According to TMZ, Donna Summer, the “queen of disco” and a 70′s pop icon, died this morning.  I’ve been hunting all day.  I can usually pick out celebrities and others who gained the whole world, but, alas, lose their soul.  But I’ve looked and looked.  There’s been a steady stream of startled souls tumbling through my gates today.

But no Donna.

According to TMZ, Donna Summer, who was 63, was a 5-time Grammy winner who shot to superstardom in the ’70s with iconic hits like “Last Dance,” “Hot Stuff” and “Bad Girls.”

But it seems she was more than that.

Apparently the rumors were true.  According to reports, Ms. Summer “fell into severe depression after the 9/11 attacks on the US, Summer recovered with the help of her faith.”

Her faith???

Well, that sounds bad, but usually the faith of celebrities follows them right to my doorstep.

After all, everyone has faith — the question is faith in whom?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But according to this same report, Ms. Summer said in 2008:

I went to church and light came back into my soul.  That heaviness was gone.

I remember that.  I didn’t believe it at the time, but sure enough, Ms. Summer became known as a “born again Christian.”

In fact, according to this report, her family said in a statement:

Early this morning we lost Donna Summer Sudano, a woman of many gifts, the greatest being her faith.

Yikes!

Well, I suppose I can stop looking.

Dang.

Lost a good one.

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Obama supports gay marriage? Surprise?

Posted in homosexuality, liberals, marriage, Obama, political correctness, same sex marraige with tags , on May 13, 2012 by devilbloggger

Really?

I was amused this week, my friends, at all the feigned surprise when my beelzebud Obama actually came out of his CINO (Christian in name only) closet to support gay marriage.  REALLY?  Really?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s news that Obama supports gay marriage?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, I love the world I’ve created where one’s actions are ignored and their words, as empty or lying as they may be, are taken at two-face value.  In this case, the fact that people actually “wondered” what Obama’s views on same-sex marriage might be proves my great power on earth.

Let me impart some wisdom to you, my readers.  This will come as no surprise to long-time readers of this blog.  (You can search on “Obama” to see all my brilliant analysis of this, my favorite US citizen).  But I’ll tell you a sure-fire (so to speak) way to know everything Obama would do for any given topic.

Ready?

Here it is: for any given topic, subject, decision, statement, etc., simply ask yourself what would Satan do (WWSD)?

Alternatively, you could ask WWJD, and then do the opposite.  In every case, however, you will find that WWOD is exactly the same as WWSD.

In this case, for example, between Jesus and I (moi) which one supports same-sex marriage?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And Obama?

See how easy it is?

Obama, my CINO-in-chief, thrills me with his consistent faithfulness in carrying out my will on earth as it is in Hell.

In fact, I challenge you, my servants, to come up with one decision, policy, action, or other verifiable display of belief that could not easily be inserted as an answer to the question, “WWSD?”

Try it.

It’s like a game.

A game that illustrates an important game that I’m winning.

Because I’m Liberal One.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

78 Comments »

If I had a daughter, she would look like Julia

Posted in freedom, liberals, liberty, Obama, politics, progressives, secularism, welfare state, worldview with tags , , on May 5, 2012 by devilbloggger

Julia.

By Jove, I think they’ve got it, those Americans.  That is, of course, if America’s own Julius Obama can successfully convince 1 or 2 more percent of the remaining 51% of free Americans of the benefits of Father Government.

Father Government, you ask?

Yes, as in Our Father, who art in Washington . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, the Obama administration is so over the top that I’m concerned that at any time the 51% of holdouts to complete government dominance will finally wake up and shout STOP!

Oh, but they must be dulled to sleep by the complacency freedom breeds.

For those who are wondering what “Julia” has to do with any of this, let me enlighten you.

“The Life of Julia” is, as Rich Lowry states, “the Obama reelection team’s cartoon chronicle of a fictional woman who is dependent on government at every step of her life.”

And a beautiful thing it is.

Thy government come, thy will be done in my life as it is in Washington . . .

With Julia, Obama reveals a vision for a nation of helpless women who depend on a benevolent government for everything, literally from cradle-to-grave.  This woman Julia, incidentally, has no father, husband, or, apparently, any family, except for her fatherless child.

Give me this day my daily bread, as well as my daily birth control and lots of other free stuff . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Dana Loesch, a writer over at Big Government, said it best after chronicling in detail why Julia is straight out of my kingdom dreams:

As a woman, the idea that I can’t accomplish anything in life unless a male in government plans it out for me is offensive. It’s amazing to me how progressives reject the oversight of the Divine and the gift of free will but embrace the oppressive oversight of flawed men who reject free will. Men, too, should be offended at their lack of representation in the life of Julia–the white, faceless female stereotype that the Obama administration sees as the average female voter.

And forgive my self-control as I forgive those who exercise self-control over me . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha.

How right Ms. Loesch is.

It’s a good thing the 51% are dulled.

And lead us not into the temptation of freedom, but deliver us to evil . . .

If I had a daughter, she would look just like Julia.  Faceless and dependent upon government for everything.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

For mine is the kingdom, the power, and the gory almost forever and ever . .

Amen.

8 Comments »

Clergy Can Be Fools Too

Posted in atheism, atheists, christians, Sin, theology, Truth with tags , , on May 2, 2012 by devilbloggger

Clergy.

What do you think of when you think of “clergy,” my friends?  Do you think “professional religious person” or something to that effect?  I hope so, because one of my greatest successes on earth is in convincing people that the work of God belongs primarily to those with the label of “clergy” or an equivalent like “pastor,” “priest,” “preacher,” “evangelist,” or “rabbi.”  Through this great cunning of mine I have effectively fractionogrified the work of God, limiting to a small fraction of the Godpie any focused activity against my kingdom.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But I’m not finished, my servants.

No, I can do better.

And I’ll tell you my latest movement among clergy, if you promise to keep it confidential.

Promise?

OK, here it is: I’m successful almost the world over in demoralizing, tiring, overworking, and generally discouraging “clergy” to the point that many no longer even believe in God!

Don’t believe me?

Then consider this nice little article by Candace Chellew-Hodge in today’s Religion Dispatches, entitled, “Clergy Come Out as Atheists.”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, my faithful, as this article states, I have many “clergy” the world over who are either outright, professing atheists, or functional atheists.  I love the professing atheists most, but both kinds serve my kingdom well.  And all the while everyone thinks they are serving God’s kingdom!

I’m good.

I’m really good.

So Ms. Chellew-Hodge, who knows something about false theology from her own experiences, relates the plight of a Florida (U.S.A.) United Methodist Church pastor who recently “came out” as an atheist.  According to the article, Ms. Teresa MacBain lives a “double life” because, according to her,”I’m currently an active pastor and I’m also an atheist.”  You’ll have to read the article for the full scoop, but I just love the post-modern, mushy-gushy, jello-mindedness on display here.

I love it.

And I even love more that, according to the article, Ms. MacBain found a fool’s paradise:

MacBain recently attended the American Atheist’s convention in Maryland, where she came out as an Atheist pastor and has found a home in a new coalition helping such disbelieving clergy called “The Clergy Project: “a safe haven for active and former clergy who do not hold supernatural beliefs.”

Clergy who no longer hold supernatural beliefs?

Hey, my friends, what’s the point?  That’s like a gold miner who doesn’t believe in gold.  Or a pilot who doesn’t believe in flight.  Or a human being who doesn’t believe in God — fools all.

Fools’ fools, these clergy of mine are.

Even Ms. Chellew-Hodge recognizes a plain, undeniable truth of existence: “Specifically,” she says, “either you’re a Christian or you’re an Atheist.”

Right she is, but that doesn’t stop post-modern, mushy-gushy, jello-mindedness from providing succor to suckers.

Now, many of you may have a negative opinion of me, being that my main delight on earth is to roam about seeking whom I may devour.  Killing, stealing, and destroying is my game, after all.

But you must give me great credit for how I’m devouring “clergy” right before your eyes.

Let me impart some very sensitive kingdom knowledge to you, my good servants.

Can you keep a secret?  Look around you; do you see anyone who is untrustworthy?  Can any Godpunks see your screen?

No?

OK, listen carefully and quietly.  Ms. MacBain is a perfect object lesson to show how I work.  I didn’t convince Ms. MacBain of the ultimate lie overnight.  No, first I turned her denomination into a demonination.

Get it?  I removed a correct theology from her denomination to make it a demonination, full of un-Biblical error.  The very fact that a “she” holds the position she does is the first clue of abject error that leads to ultimate faithlessness (in God).  But she goes further, according to the article, MacBain laments of her situation:

There are plenty of traditional Christian churches who would never have me as their pastor, because I don’t believe the majority of what orthodox Christianity says I must believe. For instance, I don’t believe in hell. I don’t believe Jesus died for anybody’s sins, but because of the sins committed against him by the powers that were in charge at the time. I don’t believe Jesus bodily rose from the dead.

Where did she learn to believe lies?  Who taught her this claptrap?

Little by little I’m turning entire denominations into demoninations, slowly but surely compromising truth, selectively applying scriptural mandates, and generally pridefying entire swaths of humans so that they create their “god” in the image of man.

And a god in the image of man will always fail to the point of despair, which is what Ms. MacBain experiences daily.

Yes, I’m good.

Go ahead and say it: “You’re good!”

And do you want to know another little delight gleaned from the Religion Dispatch’s article?  According to Ms. Chellew, after Ms. MacBain came out, “[p]eople shunned her.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And, “Only two of MacBain’s friends called her and took her to lunch.”

Where were the Christians to show God’s love?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Winning!!

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Burritos, Abortions, and Woolywolves

Posted in abortion with tags , on April 17, 2012 by devilbloggger

Burritos.

My friends, I must say that sometimes my servants who mean well threaten to set back my agenda by years, if not decades.  I know, I know.  You think you are clever.  You think you are even funny.  But if you had any idea how your cleverness actually works against my kingdom, you would stop.  Please, for the sake of my kingdom, please stop.

What am I referring to?

I’ll tell you.

Sarah Silverman.

Do you know who she is?

No?

Well, I’ll tell you that also.

Sarah Silverman is a comedian.  Do you know how I know?  Because I read about her in a Reuters news article entitled, “Sarah Silverman tweets about burrito ‘abortion’“.  And from the title you can see why this got my attention, although you may not understand why I’m upset about it.  I’ll tell you that in a moment.

But first, let’s discuss Ms. Silverman.  As the Reuters story states, Ms. Silverman is known for “causally shocking humor.”  In fact, I like Ms. Silverman.  She is crude, offensive, bitter toward God, and generally somewhat of a snarky jerk.  Much like me, of course.   I suppose that if I were a female human being of limited intelligence and ability on earth, I would be like Sarah Silverman.

But her burrito stunt went too far, and I must call her out on it.  You see, Ms. Silverman is one of those women who love abortion but are secretly glad her mother did not.  To advance the cause of the un-aborted abortion lovers, she decided to post photos on Twitter, which according to the Reuters story:

Silverman posted two photos on Twitter last week. The first, making fun of sappy pregnancy photos, featured her with a round stomach soon after eating. “It’s a burrito!” she wrote.

 The second photo showed her with her typically flat stomach. Silverman also made an abortion joke that some people found too flippant: “Got a quickie aborsh in case R v W gets overturned,” she wrote, referencing Roe v. Wade.

Get it?

She was making a funny.  She thought it was funny.  Many people thought it was funny.

I did not think it was funny.

Here’s why.

Consider:  would Sarah Silverman, or any of un-aborted women of her ilk have thought it was clever if Silverman had said “Got a quickie appendectomy,” or “Got a quickie tummy tuck,” or Got a quickie enema”?

Well, maybe for women like Silverman the last one might have garnered a smile.

But the answer is “no,” no one would have thought it was funny, interesting, or in any way worth reading.

Why is that?

Why is it that having an abortion is  in any way different from having, say, an appendix removed?

Do you see my point?

Yes, that’s right!  By making a joke as she did, Ms. Silverman only succeeded in reminding everyone, even those who wish to forget, that there is something different about abortion.

Yes, there is something different about abortion, but my lie on earth for decades is that abortion is nothing more than an elective medical procedure that women can choose, just as they might choose to have a pesky, annoying corn removed.

Ms. Silverman simply brings to everyone’s awareness that abortion is different.  And ultimately, Ms. Silverman amplifies the still, small voice in almost everyone’s conscience that abortion is wrong.

Ms. Silverman, please stop.

Now.

I would be in a worse mood if I had not read at National Right to Life News Today an article about a delightful bunch of my servants who go by the label “clergy”!

I thought it was a joke, but soon found that my kingdom was not lost despite the likes of my ignorant but fervent servants like Sarah Silverman.

The title made me smile: “Pro-Abortion Clergy Team up with California PPFA affiliate to offer “40 Days of Prayer to Keep Abortion Safe and Legal.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

PPFA is Planned Parenthood, my well oiled, well-funded, politically protected baby killing machine!

Hey, when I smile, guess who is grieved?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, it seems a merry little band of wolves in sheep clothing calling themselves “Humboldt County Clergy for Choice,” is teaming up with Six Rivers Planned Parenthood in California for “40 days of Prayer to Keep Abortion Safe and Legal.”

Do I need to point out that all these energetic little kingdom builders are already-born people?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

They refer to themselves as “Faith Aloud,” which I’m assuming implies that faith belongs only to those who can do anything “aloud,” like scream, cry, or beg for mercy.

But the best part is that my wonderfully willing wooly wolves developed a “prayer” for each of the 40 days.  You can read all of them here at an (Un-)Planned (Un-)Parenthood website.  (Did you ever think there would be “prayers” posted at a UU website?)

These “prayers” are real gems of my kingdom.  I think I will print them out to read out loud.  That way at least one supernatural being will hear them.

I’ll just display a few of the better ones below.  I’ve taken the liberty of printing in bold text portions of the prayers that my servants, perfectly imperfect as they are, left out.

Day 2: Today we pray for compassionate religious voices unlike Jesus, the apostles, or prophets of the Bible to speak out for the dignity and autonomy of already-born women to kill their unwanted unborn.

Day 7: Today we pray for the 45 million American women who have had safe, legal abortions which resulted, by definition in at least 90 million fingers and toes safely and legally tossed into the trash.  May they (the already born) stand tall and refuse shame, at least until they stand before their and their baby’s creator.

Day 14 Today we pray for Christians everywhere (except us, who call ourselves Christian) to embrace the loving model of Jesus in the way he refused to shame women, but still required that they “sin no more” which cannot, of course, be reconciled with killing an innocent.

Day 27:  Today we give thanks for abortion providers around the nation whose concern for already born and paying women is the driving force in their lives.

Day 29:  Today we pray that all already born women will know that they are created in the image of God, good and holy, moral and wise, no matter how they decide to purposefully and openly sin by killing another being created in the image of God.

Day 35: Today we pray for unaborted girls everywhere, that they may have every opportunity for education, sport, health, art, and vocation, and the right to kill their little girls if they so choose.

You get the idea, my friends.  I’m amazed at how successful I’ve been at making some people fervently religious against God.

Here’s what I would like you to do.  These prayers of my woolywolf servants are so pitifully misguided that God will certainly not hear them.  So why not shoot the Humboldt County Wooly Wolves for (My) Choice a quick email note to let them know that at least you read them, at info@faithaloud.org.

And, why not go here to read their “prayers” yourself, and use the comment section below to write your own corrected versions of their prayers?

Have fun!

29 Comments »

Celebrate! 100 Email Subscribers to Satan’s Blog

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2012 by devilbloggger

Subscribe.

My friends and servants, we have reached a milestone in Satan’s Blog.  Some nice person yesterday became the 100th email subscriber to this blog.

Thank you all!  If you are not signed up to get the first posts, complete with occasional (OK, more than occasional) pre-corrected mistakes, you should do so now.  You know, the posts with mistakes are likely to be valuable in the future as collector’s items.  You should be getting them and keeping them.

Thanks again, to all 100 of you!

devilbloggger.

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