Hell’s (true) Angels
Know what happens if you mess with the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club?
They will sue you.
That’s right. As the Los Angeles Times reported yesterday in an article entitled, “Hells Angels file suit against Alexander McQueen,” the Hells Angels got upset with the designer fashion label Alexander McQueen, and decided to get even by suing them:
In decades past, the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club settled disputes the old-fashioned way, with a swift kick in the groin or a punch in the face to the offending party. On Monday, the outlaw club opted for a more civilized action.
Now I got no real beef with the Hells Angels. Any group with a web link to the Big House Crew is all right in my book. But I don’t think I’m all right in theirs! These bad boys completely misunderstand their namesake. It’s right in their FAQs:
Q: Isn’t the apostrophe missing in Hells Angels ?
A: Should the Hells in Hells Angels have an apostrophe, and be Hell’s Angels? That would be true if there was only one Hell, but life & history has taught us that there are many versions and forms of Hell.
Excuse me? You bad biker boys are talking about the biggest, baddest boy and his angels. You see, Hell, the one and only, was created for me and my angels. We are the real thing, the original Hell’s Angels (apostrophe and all!) and we are in the Ultimate Big House with no parole.
“Life and history” may have taught something, but it taught you wrong if you think there are many versions and forms of Hell. For the rest of you, my servants, I urge you not to get your theology from biker clubs.
Hell, there’s one, and it’s mine.
And you know what I do to mess with people? I use them. I lead them astray, I hide as a wolf in sheep’s clothing, I come as an angel of light, I cause men to wander from the truth, I take them captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world.
And I can tell you right now Biker Bob and Sidekick Suzy–you don’t want to come here. Ha ha ha ha ha. You think you are tough? You don’t know what tough is. You just wait until you see some real Hell’s Angels and some real death heads knocking about without any regard to who you are (or were). You wait till you see evil personified in a blackness that will drive you mad, with regret-filled days of anguish and gnashing of teeth. Ha ha ha ha ha. An eternity of lonely torment that is entirely avoidable (until it is too late).
You don’t believe me, do you?
No one does! I tell the truth and no one believes me. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hells Angels sue people to make them go away.
Hell’s Angels use people to make them come to stay.
Vrooooom! Ha ha ha ha ha.