Gays kissin’ and dissin’ (what’s missin’?)
There’s a heartwarming story on the wires today, my servants.
Heartwarming, if I had a heart, that is. But for you, my faithful who still have a heart, you should find great delight in an AP story out of Spain entitled, “Gays in Spain stage “kiss-in” as pope drives by.”
Isn’t that sweet? It’s enough to make a papa proud, and a proud papa I was. Sundays are usually pretty rough around here, but you Pope-dissin’ Spaniards really perked me up.
But I must say you can do better, my slaves to sexual desire. If I’m going to make the world a better place for you, you must be prepared to make it a better place for me.
Here’s why I say this: the AP article starts out by stating:
About 200 people have staged a gay “kiss-in” as Pope Benedict XVI drove by to protest his visit to Spain and his policies on homosexuality, condom use and other issues.
And I thought, two hundred? That’s pretty good, but is that the best my servants could do? I mean, this is the POPE, for God’s sake. Then I read that only about half the selflovers kissed, while the other half jeered. And given the media’s propensity to exaggerate in my favor, this means at most only about 50 boyboys or girlgirls mugged for the Pope.
Really? And you call this a “kiss in?”
My servants, my servants. Listen to me. Do you know how valuable an opportunity you squandered here? Are there only 50 boyboys in Barcelona? Where were the others? Where were all those I hear about who believe boys kissin’ on boys and chicks smoochin’ on chicks should be openly acceptable to all?
Only 50 couples? For the Pope?
Well, I suppose it’s a start. I didn’t catch the look on the Pope’s face, and I don’t know his thoughts (I’m not a mind reader, you know). I’m not sure if he was sad or mad, or something in between, and he probably wondered why he as mere messenger was so hated for the message. But here’s something I do know, and for this I give you, my homosexual servants in Spain great credit: you definitely saddened the heart of God.
Your brazen displays, your pompous jeers against the Pope, your shameless, callous attitudes against what the Bible says about homosexuality–these all work to break God’s heart. Most people are surprised to learn that I know God pretty well. Like most of you, I hate him; unlike most of you, I know him. And I know this one hit home. Ha ha ha ha ha.
I remember when my brazen, proud, ignorant sinner-servants jeered Christ on the cross, and was quite surprised that God didn’t lose his patience and let loose his awesome judgment at that moment.
Why? I wondered.
So it was with some apprehension that I watched my brazen, proud, ignorant sinner-servants jeering the Pope in Barcelona. But once again, God simply endured the grief with a sad, longing heart.
Why? I wonder.
November 20, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Okay, so you’re either a right-wing Christian or a teapartier or both. But
just in case you hadn’t heard, C.S. Lewis already used this ploy in The
Screwtape Letters. It was great. You need to try another tack. B-o-r-i-n-g…
November 22, 2010 at 5:18 am
This was long but i couldn’t stop reading if i didn’t know better i would have thought i was witnessing a letter from Satan himself, you were spot on
some will doubt some will laugh, some will think you are a raving idiot but i say thank you for everything you have covered here and know what you have had to say wasn’t just to be chatting or talking to your self but rather a warning and an enlightening to all who reads it , and i would say if this was so boring to some why would they complete the reading
thank you
Elaine
November 22, 2010 at 8:41 pm
I can barely believe there are people who still believe that hell is some mythical place they will burn in after they die if they don’t follow the instructions from some invisible man in the sky or those interesting guys at the altar in dresses. Have a clue. You’re either in heaven or hell right here on earth. Love your neighbors, all of them and you will be in heaven. Hate and you will be in hell. No need to wait until you die. The fires you imagine in this mythical hell were very much a part of typical life in those days. People got revenge on you with fire, burned your house, etc. If at the end of your life you had no one who cared for you b/c your life was full of selfishness, then when you died, your body would be put on the garbage pile to be burned with the rest of the trash b/c no one put up the funds for a proper burial.
Satan is a story character to teach you about the dark side of your own personality. Every human has that dark side and either has it under control or doesn’t. There is no invisible man in the sky. Life works for you b/c you are kind to others, have built great relationships, created valualbe experiences for others and those poeple have a desire to see your life get better. If you don’t have those people, you should start to cultivate them.
Here is more detailed information:
http://30ce.com/developmentofhell.htm
December 23, 2010 at 10:20 am
Wow, Satan. You really are doing a great job! I mean, look at that last response from Martha. Your powers of persuasion are obviously not lost on her!
June 15, 2011 at 11:32 pm
[...] the mere confessors, because virtually all of them are lukewarm, just the way I like it. – Gays Kissin’ and Dissin’ (What’s Missin’?), November 7, [...]