A Different Jesus
Heresy.
You don’t hear the word “heresy” much any more, do you? I’ve made sure this very useful term, describing a controversial or novel change to a system of beliefs, especially a religion, rarely gets used for two reasons. First, most people are so ignorant of truth they cannot detect a heresy. And second, in today’s post-modern, truth-is-relative world, the word has lost its very linguistic necessity.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
In other words, if there is no absolute truth there can be no heresy. Everyone’s a winner!
But every once in a great while some big mouth Godpunk decides to call out heresy, and it’s happened today, albeit without using the term “heresy,” in a piece at Patheos.com entitled “A President’s Faith Matters: An Interview with Warren Cole Smith.”
I warn you not to read the piece, my servants. I will tell you what you need to know. But this piece, in which Timothy Darymple interviews Smith, does warrant a Level 2 devilbloggger Alert, because views expressed by Smith, if not ignored, can be very damaging to my kingdom on earth.
Before we go to Smith’s interview, however, let me impart to you some highly classified strategic information, my servants. The only place you will find what I’m about to tell you is in the Bible, which, fortunately, appears to be ignored on this topic.
When I realized who Jesus is, and the power of the gospel, I realized that I potentially faced a mass defection of captive souls to freedom in Christ. In the early days of the Gospel message people busted through my prison gates thousands at a time. We could hardly stem the tide.
But, as I’m apt to do, I got thinking about an effective deception to slow the exodus. And I was very successful. Here’s what I did: instead of try to stop the preaching of the true Jesus and the true Gospel, I introduced into the human population a number of false Jesuses and false gospels.
Pervert and confuse; it’s what I do.
And it worked like a charm. I had false preachers preaching false gospels, some for the money, and some for the show, but all of them ready to go, go, go, throwing people into confusion and perverting the pure with the impure.
The apostle Paul was so flustered and angered he had to write:
But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned!
And he expressed exasperation at the futility of his message:
For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached … or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Poor Paul. The world is now flooded with different Jesuses, and it’s a beautiful thing. Let’s take a look:
- For Christian Science, Jesus is a man in tune with the Divine Consciousness, but not the Christ.
- For Islam, Jesus is a created being, a prophet, but not God.
- For Jehovah’s Witnesses, Jesus is Michael the archangel who became a man.
- For Mormons, Jesus is the brother of moi, the devil, and of all people.
- For Theosophists, Jesus is a great teacher.
And here is the single common thread that runs through all the false Jesuses and the single attribute that sets them apart from the Jesus of Paul’s gospel: they are not God.
That’s it, my servants. Please keep this confidential, but it’s as simple as that. To identify heresy in a religion, ask one simple question: Who do you (men) say that Jesus is?
If the answer is anything other than God in the flesh, specifically the second person of the Holy Trinity as revealed in the Bible, you have identified one of my many false Jesuses, and, consequently, a false gospel.
Congratulations! You have found one of my heresies!
Fortunately, most human beings could not identify a heresy to save their life; which of course explains why so many don’t identify a heresy until they lose their life.
There are no heretics in my kingdom, only irredeemable theists who know exactly who Jesus is and what the gospel is.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Back to that busybody Godpunk Smith — he has lately blabbed away about the Mormons, and his plainspoken truth could have dire consequences with respect to that particular brand of heresy.
Smith has this to say about Mormonism:
It is not orthodox, biblical Christianity as understood by the three great streams of Christianity (Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant) and as expressed in the historic creeds of the church.
Yikes! If that sort of clarity ever escapes the bounds of thought-controlling culture to be let loose in the minds of men, my kingdom will suffer.
As to why it matters today, Smith states the obvious:
What I think is causing the problem here is that Mormons like to assert that they are Christians “just like us.” They often tell me, “We worship the same Jesus you do.”
And, Smith concludes:
It is to these assertions that I am saying, “Well, no, that’s just not true.”
In other words, Mormons don’t worship the same Jesus, and are, consequently, heretics with respect to Christianity.
I’m just glad no one else is stating the obvious.
And I’m happy that those who do are either ignored or called a bigot, both of which I’ve arranged for my enemy Warren Cole Smith.
What you, my servants, should do is ensure that the world remains confused on this issue. Welcome all who call themselves Christians as Christians, regardless of the basis for their identity.
Never challenge one’s belief, as that is intolerant and leads to discord.
Always stress that “God is love,” and he accepts all, regardless of belief.
And, remember that if God doesn’t accept you, I will.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
June 13, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Satan, you are resting too much these days, because it has been tough to find someone saying who Jesus really is. You worked too much in the past. Why don’t you go sleep a little bit for a thousand or more years.
Fantastic post.
Best,
Pedro Erik
June 14, 2011 at 9:20 am
Satan! You forgot. You INVENTED the Trinity doctrine. Ooops!
June 14, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Can anyone figure out Glenn Beck?