Fathers.
Did you know, my servants, that I hate fathers? That’s why I laid low this past week and last weekend when millions of people all over the globe celebrated Father’s Day (blechhhhh!). You see, God is a father. And he instituted the family to be led by fathers for the benefit of children, society, and the world.
So, what did I do?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Yes, I do everything I can to pervert fathers and fatherhood into an unrecognizable mess of pop culture sissification, media-driven manhoodperversion, and feminist agenda boystealingschooling, and other misdeeds. Of course, along the way I (yes, moi) became a father.
Do you know what I’m the father of?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
And today, my friends, I have almost eliminated effective fatherhood. I’ve demoralized, de-emphasized, de-energized, and generally de-everythingized men.
Culturally it’s a woman’s world in the enlightened western cultures who have turned away from the father of light to the father of ____________ (look it up).
Consider pop culture. When is the last time you saw a movie, or a popular TV show, in which there was a strong, loving, mature male figure in the role of a father?
Hmmmm?
Those days are gone, my friend. Today fathers, if present at all, are portrayed as bumbling boobs or halfwit hacks.
That’s why, my servants, I was pleasantly surprised to find this weekend that the United States Government actually has a website devoted to fathers.
Yes! It even has the easy-to-remember URL, www.fatherhood.gov.
Now, I must admit that at first I was alarmed. But then I read more at the CNSNews.com article that the website is full of inane advice, such as how best to wash kids’ hands, and other vital tasks of fatherhood.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
And US taxpayers pay for this!
But here’s what I like best, my friends. The US taxpayer-funded website goes to great lengths to teach “fathers” that they are responsible for providing “a variety of healthy foods,” and to wash hands (complete with a video for the extra slow). In case a “father” is completely clueless, the website teaches fathers hand washing instructions: “Wet hands under running water, add soap, and rub all parts of hands and fingers for 15 seconds.”
Now, aside from the delight I receive by realizing that I’ve duped American taxpayers into paying to post hand washing instructions, I get great pleasure out of the focus of this government attempt at good fatherhood.
After all, my friends. As you know, man does not live by bread alone. There is a Bread of Life, which, if ingested gives eternal life. No word of that at www.fatherhood.com, fortunately. And, there is a washing of the water of the Word, which cleanses the soul. No word of that at www.fatherhood.com, fortunately.
You see, my friends, there is benefit in keeping the outside of one’s body clean, and the inside well fed on physical food. But the greater benefit comes from cleansing of the soul through daily interaction with the Word of God (blechhhh!) which feeds and cleans for an eternal benefit.
But do you think that any US government bureaucrats have a clue as to eternal values? And do you think any of those clueless have any additional clue that fathers are the key to a healthy total child?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Even asking the question is silly, I know.
But I had to ask.
So now you know.
