Archive for the Bible Category

Allow Me to Introduce Myself…

Posted in Bible, Devil, Great Satan, Hell on May 26, 2012 by The Temptress

I am Temptress.

Mmmmm.

It feels wonderful to be here.

I am usually much more sneaky and quiet and behind the scenes, so this is unusual for me to make a more public appearance on my Master’s blog.

My name is Temptress.

And it is your privilege to learn more about me so that you can be on guard against those “believers in the true God” who fight against me in search of humility, acceptance of suffering, selflessness…. Ugh, nevermind… Typing those words hurts my long fingernails and you can go look up that stuff in that despicable book, the Bible (if you have the stomach for it.  I don’t.)

You see, I am a demon of beauty, influence, and power, and I offer you your heart’s desires on earth: the ones that will cause you to accidentally fall in luck with my Master so that you become his servant and ultimately live with us in hell.  I made my decision long ago, to follow that attractive “angel of light”, and it was only after he dragged me into the netherworld that I saw what was truly waiting for me.  My goal is to bring as many humans as possible down to hell to join us, and I have been quite successful. In fact, since we demons hate each other and are always competing, I may as well point out that I believe I am the MOST successssssful.

Well… ahem… outside of my Master himself.

The thing is, my little babes, I care for you.  I appear beautiful and even motherly to you.   I want you to gratify yourself, to find the greatest earthly pleasures, to take your mind off your pain in many creative ways (not prayer!!!)…

Let me ease your pain…

I am Temptress,

and I look forward to helping you.

Santorum out to out me; someone help me out?

Posted in Bible, christians, election, False religion, God, Government, Obama, political correctness, politics, religion, same sex marraige, Truth, worldview with tags , , on February 21, 2012 by devilbloggger

Politics.

Wow oh wow, but how things can get out of hand when I’m having fun!  Just as I’m seeing my kingdom flourish in the United States faster than even I ever imagined, along comes a knuckle-dragging, backwoods, bitter clinger of a wet blanket by the name of Rick Santorum!  Wow oh wow, how things change.

For my non-US readers, please bear with me.  The United States is going through an election year right now, and little do, er … I mean did, the boiling-frog Americans know that this election was, more than any other, a choice between policies that please moi and policies that please God.

I almost had them completely, happily, ignorantly, boiled.

But just as I thought I cold stop chopping the wood of liberal, politically correct, ungodly policies (see my last post where I was contemplating retirement!), here comes this Santorum cat saying things that have never been said by a major politician in America.  Not even in the good Christian days of the U.S. of A. did a politician so explicitly state truth to the American people.

Just today the internet’s most popular news aggregator, The Drudge Report, ran the headline: “Santorum’s Satan Warning.”

What?

Why bring moi into this?

Well, I suppose I was already in this.  But who does Santorum think he is, blowing my cover by pointing out to all the happy frogs the great fire licking the sides of their freedom pot?  According to the Drudge Report, Santorum is quoted as saying, “Satan has his sights on the United States of America!”  And,

“Satan is attacking the great institutions of America, using those great vices of pride, vanity, and sensuality as the root to attack all of the strong plants that has so deeply rooted in the American tradition.”

Wow oh wow.

Of course he’s right on all counts.  Pride, vanity, and sensuality–that just about covers it. But who would have ever thought a politician would bring me into the fray like this?

And the media?  They eat this stuff up.  According to the media Santorum is a nut job.  A religious fanatic.  A dangerous fundamentalist.

Never mind that Obama can claim that Jesus told him his tax structure was just right.  The media yawn when Obama acts like a Christian.

And do you know why?

Hmmmm?

Yes, that’s right!  You are very perceptive!  It’s because everyone in the media knows Obama doesn’t mean it.

I’ve often said that it’s not those who say they believe in God that worry me.  Everyone believes in God, even atheists believe in God; atheists are just arrogant cowards.  Hey, even I believe in God.

But what worries me are people who say they believe in God and act like it.  It’s those who take God seriously and believe his Word to be truth to live by.

Those folks scare me.

And the media.

And some are noticing.  Note the Wall Street Journal article today addressing this issue.  In the article entitled, “Sex, Lies and Rick Santorum“, author William McGurn looks at “the double standard on social issues” in the US.

McGurn provides the example of veiws on marriage:

When Barack Obama was campaigning for president in 2008, he declared that marriage is between a man and a woman. For the most part, his position was treated as a nonissue.

That’s right. But,

Now Rick Santorum is campaigning for president. He too says that marriage is between a man and a woman. What a different reaction he gets.

Right again.  And why?  McGurn explains:

There’s no mystery why. Mr. Santorum is attacked because everyone understands that he means what he says.

He means what he says!  Yes, he says he’s a Christian and acts like it!

And then McGurn dangerously exposes one of my greatest secrets:

President Obama, by contrast, gets a pass because everyone understands—nudge nudge, wink wink—that he’s not telling the truth. The press understands that this is just one of those things a Democratic candidate has to say so he doesn’t rile up the great unwashed.

Wow oh wow!

You see, my friends, the plain fact is that Santorum is a Christian, a God-believer, one who takes God seriously.

And Obama?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, sometimes I crack myself up.

But it’s not a laughing matter, my good servants.  Santorum recently called out Obama’s “radical Islamic” policies and questioned Obama’s biblical world view, for example.  And Santorum is not the only one questioning Obama’s Christianity.   Even Billy Graham’s son, Franklin, is out today saying he

“was not sure if Obama was a true Christian and that he could not definitively say that the president was not a Muslim.”

And even worse, Mr. Graham is smacking the nail of truth in one great swing by further stating with respect to Obama’s self-identification as a Christian:

“He’s come out saying that he’s a Christian,” Mr. Graham said of Mr. Obama in an interview on the MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.”  “The question is, what is a Christian?”

Wow oh wow!

What is a Christian?

My friends, let me share how it appears from my vantage point.

Mr. Santorum?  He’s a Christian.

Mr. Obama?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, if there wasn’t a good chance he might be defeated in his bid to continue ruling the United States and my kingdom on earth, it would be funny.

As it is, it’s just terrible.

Wow oh wow!

PS: For those who care, read here what I have to say in answer to “Is Obama a Christian?”  And here I write about “Obama: My Political Christian.  Enjoy!

Obama: Now I will pay for your sin

Posted in abortion, Bible, Catholic Church, christians, False religion, Government, liberals, liberty, Morality, Obama, politics, progressives, religion, taxes, Truth with tags , , on February 12, 2012 by devilbloggger

Retire.

Oh, I just might be able to retire, my friends.  Yes, retirement really never was on my mind for thousands of years, but this past week’s events in the United States [the last bastion of freedom in the world] has made me re-think my short term plans.  (My long term plans were set long ago, unfortunately.)

You see, my servants, the Obama administration has put my agenda on warp speed in forcing my will on earth as it is in Hell.

But even I had no idea that those Americans would ever reach a place where large numbers would reject a Savior’s payment for past sinful pleasures, and instead demand that a goverment pay for future sinful pleasures.

Payment for sin is exactly what the Obama administration demands in its new policies demanding that all employers, including those having a Biblically informed religious conscience, pay for the sin of its employees.

Imagine: a formerly Christian nation in which God’s remaining people are literally forced to pay for the sins of mine!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s a beautiful thing, my friends.  Can it get any better?

Well, yes, it can.

Let me explain.  I was just beaming this week, my friends, when at the National Prayer Breakfast (the what????) I saw my Self-righteous Servant Obama demand not only that taxes from the righteous should pay for the sin of heathens, but that his policy “as a Christian,” “coincides with Jesus’s teaching that ‘for unto whom much is given, much shall be required.’ ”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Seriously, now, my friends.  Do you know what I do to deceive people?

Yes, you do.  I misquote scripture, use scripture for nefarious purposes, and generally cause mass confusion and deception by picking and choosing among various scripture passages as proof texts.

Do you know how Obama deceives people?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Obama went on to emulate me by misquoting the “Golden Rule” this way, as reported at monney.cnn.com:

“And I believe in God’s command to love thy neighbor as thyself. I know a version of that golden rule is found in every major religion and every set of beliefs.”

My friends, this is not the Golden Rule.

But who knows?

Apparently very few.  And when few know scripture, anyone can use scripture for ungodly purposes.

You see, unlike Obama, my misquoting of scripture was met with a swift and certain “Get thee behind me, Satan.”

But who will stand up to Obama?

No, really, who?

Obama has mangled the Golden Rule in the past, and you can read over at the Ye Have Heard blog here.  Note Obama’s “subtle” but “significant” mangling of the Golden Rule as “treating others as they would treat me.”  (In reality, there was nothing subtle about it; the fact is Obama is scripture-illiterate and didn’t have a clue what he was saying.)  As noted by a reader:

The most succinct statement of the Golden Rule in the Bible is Luke 6:31: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

There is a subtle, but rather significant, difference between saying “[I treat] others the way they would treat me” and “[I treat] others the way I would want them to treat me.”

But no matter; Obama believes that holy scripture is part of his playground for social and political engineering.  And to make matters better, his shameless select-a-scripture has revealed two great advances of my kingdom on earth.

First, I was thrilled by how much of the ensuing noise, smoke, and diatribification was directed at a “woman’s right to health care.”  For example, the always reliable Huffington Post ran a gem entitled “Students at Catholic Colleges Protest Lack of Access to Birth Control.”  The article summarizes an 18-year old student, Keely Monroe’s, life at Fordham University as:

Single, 18-year-old female, likes having control over her own body, looking for affordable birth control.

Yes, this is just an example of the genre of medianoisemachiniszation that framed the argument as “no insurance payment for birth control = robbing women of control,” i.e., taking away women’s control over their bodies.  That is, Ms. Keely believes that the good citizens of the United States should pay for her sinful bodily choices (which she apparently can’t control), and, if they refuse, she accuses them of robbing her of her bodily control.  Another student, Sandra Fluke went as far as to say that women enrolling in Catholic universities merely “expected women to be treated equally, to have their medical needs met.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Where are the sane Americans?

Where is someone to stand up and tell Ms. Keely and Ms. Sandra to stop begging for someone else’s money and control their own friggin’ bodies or go pay for their own damn birth control?

But already too many people agree with Ms. Keely and Ms. Sandra (and Mr. Obama) that it is the place of government to offer everything to everyone for free, including payment for sin.

Oh, I smell retirement now.

The second advance in my kingdom’s goals was revealed in a Daily Caller article on this topic, with the enlightening title, Southern  Baptist Convention’s Richard Land: ‘How dumb does [Obama] think we  are?’  Mr. Land’s question came after Obama, showing he really is my servant, offered an “adjustment” to the mandate that righteous people pay for the sins of others by shifting payment obligations from employers to insurance companies.

But the delightful question answers itself.

Obama does believe you are dumb.

And he has good reason.

Because, think about it, my servants, who can stop him?

Really, who can stop him?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Who can stop me?

Retirement, here I come!

What Do Jehovah’s Witnesses Witness?

Posted in Bible, christians, False religion, heresy, religion, Truth with tags , on November 16, 2011 by devilbloggger

Witness.

I hate those who witness to the glory and the resurrection of the true Jesus Christ as taught in the Bible and held by orthodox Christians.  “Witnessing” leads to conviction, which leads to faith, which leads to salvation, which leads to repentance, which leads to more witnessing.  Blechhhh!

Christians witness rarely, but when they do, all hell breaks loose.

Literally.

I hate that kind of witness.

But what about Jehovah’s Witnesses, or “JW’s” as they are called?  It seems like I would hate them too, right?

Don’t I hate Jehovah?   And don’t they witness for Jehovah?

Yes, and, well, no.  Not really.

I suppose there is a harmless way in which Jehovah’s Witnesses draw attention to God in a way that would normally irk me.  But the bottom line is that they are not robbing my kingdom of souls.

And for that, I’m thankful in a strange sort of way.

Do you know why Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t rob my kingdom of souls, my servants?

You should.

If you are a student of mine, you should know by now the tell-tale sign of all false religions, cults, philosophies, and the like.  I told you most recently in two-part series on Mormonism Part I and Part II.

Do you remember?

Right!  Very good!  As I’ve said before:

One question matters to God and me: Who do you say that Jesus is?

There is one right answer to that question, and many, many wrong answers.

This issue was addressed by Gabrielle Devenish at the Christian Post today, my friends, in an article entitled, “Cults in Culture: Jehovah’s Witnesses and End Times“.  And to my dismay, she got it right.  (I prefer that right notions of Christ and Christianity be confined to THIS blog, so that I can control who reads it, and the actions taken).

Ms. Devenish quotes many of my enemies to make her point that, like Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses have a different Jesus.  For example, she quotes Charlie Campbell, director of The Always Be Ready Apologetics Ministry, on his apologetics site as listing three areas where Jehovah’s Witnesses deny Christian teachings: hell, the doctrine of the Trinity and the deity of Jesus Christ.

No Hell?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Now that does have an impact on my kingdom, a positive impact – 91% of the people here didn’t believe in Hell, either.  Now Hell is 100% full of Hell-believing theists!

But the real giveaway as to the Jehovah’s Witnesses lack of any negative impact on my kingdom is in their denial of the Trinity and the deity of Christ, which are interconnected necessary doctrines of orthodox Christianity (the only kind there is, actually).

Ms. Devenish supports the Christian view with quotes Christian leader after Christian leader, including Ric Walston of Columbia Theological Seminary, who considers the Watchtower Society (another name for Jehovah’s Witnesses) a cult.

But what really worries me is Walston’s true views on JW’s.  Read this and weep for me:

The first thing I think that Christians should keep in mind when approaching a JW – or anyone outside of the Christian faith – is that Jesus died to save sinners, and these folks need Jesus as much as anyone. Our goal should be to reach members of the cults with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Evangelism, not conquest, should be our aim’

Now do you see why I hate true Christian witnesses?

Somebody get me an aspirin.

When Bible Illiterates Control

Posted in Bible, christians, False religion, Government, liberals, politics, religion with tags , , on November 2, 2011 by devilbloggger

Illiterate.

Here’s a question for you, my servants: what’s the difference between someone who can’t read the Bible, and someone who doesn’t?  If you can answer that question correctly you are well on your way to understanding how I establish my kingdom on earth as it is in Hell.  Because the primary obstacle to my complete control on earth is the presence of the Bible in the hands of men who are not ashamed and who correctly handle the word of truth.  Blechhh!

So what’s the difference?

Right! Nothing!

There is no difference between the person who can not read the Bible and one who does not read the Bible.

I give you credit, my faithful friends; it took me years to learn that one.  For centuries I tried to destroy the Bible, ban the Bible, burn the Bible, and in every way possible try to remove the Bible from the face of the earth.  I had my kings issue edicts, my councils draw up penalties, and my lords punish publishers.

To no avail.

I failed at every effort.  Despite my worst, the Bible grew to be the perennially best-selling book of all time.  I must say, my servants, it was quite embarrassing.

And then I noticed something.  All over the earth every best-sold Bible tended more often than not to sit on a table or shelf unopened.  Comfortable Christians and those who call themselves Christians the world over bought Bibles aplenty, only to leave the holy words in the dark confines of closed pages.

So I changed my tactics, my servants.  Rather than try to stamp out the Bible, I started distracting Christians.  Sometimes I used the deceitfulness of riches and the cares of this world, sometimes I used trials and tribulations.  In either instance, 9 times out of 10, the Christian left the Bible unopened.

Today, even in many churches across Western cultures the Bible remains unopened.

I’m good. I’m really good. (And humble).

And when Christians leave their Bibles unopened, the culture at large becomes Bible illiterate.  And a Bible illiterate culture moves like water downhill to a culture that does my will on earth.

Let me give you an example that made us laugh down here today, my servants.  According to an AFP story in Yahoo!News entitled, Obama: God backs jobs plan, President Obama, who I can assure you rarely reads the Bible for meaning, said today that “even God wanted to put Americans back to work.”

Now, of course God does want Americans working, but what is President Obama doing channeling what God “wants”?  Since when does Obama care what God wants?  What, Father Obama do you think God wants for unborn children?  What, Rabbi Obama, do you think God wants with respect to the marriage covenant?

Huh?

In fact, Obama’s clumsy Biblificity came in the same breath as he rebuked Congress for passing a bill reaffirming the US motto “In God We Trust”!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But it gets better, my friends.

Obama further showed his theological mala fides as he exposed his Bibleignoranimity by stating:

I trust in God, but God wants to see us help ourselves by putting people back to work.

Just where does God say this, Rev. President?

The fun got funner when Obama’s spokesman, Jay Carney, denied that Obama had gone too far in ignorantly representing a God he does not know, by clarifying:

I believe that the phrase from the Bible is ‘the Lord helps those who help themselves’.

Actually, Brother Carney, that phrase is not in the Bible.

And now the funner fun gets even more funnerific.  Right Reverend Carney, according to a Politico.com story, is quoted in the full quote as saying:

Well, I believe the phrase from the Bible is, “The Lord helps those who help themselves.” And I think the point the President is making is that we should — we have it within our capacity to do the things to help the American people.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you see what is happening, my friends?

Remember a person who does not read a Bible is no different from a person who does not have a Bible.

Here we have two Bible illiterates trying to invoke the Bible for a liberal talking point.  Not only do Obama and Carney “quote” a non-Biblical truth as Biblical, Carney then uses the non-Biblical quote to stand for the exact opposite proposition!

What Carney said:  “God helps those who help themselves. Therefore, we must help the people (because apparently God does not).”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And these people control your country, you Americans.

Close.

We are very close to my will on earth as it is in Hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Obama is Panderific

Posted in Bible, christians, liberals, Obama, political correctness, politics, religion with tags , , on September 25, 2011 by devilbloggger

Pander.

I love to cater to or profit from the weaknesses or vices of others.  Did you know that?  Of course you did.  I look for the weak, the vulnerable, the discouraged.  And when I find them, do you know what I do?  I woo them into a false sense of security in my lies and deceit.  And when I have them wrapped up in a dependent state of false security, I do everything I can to destroy them.

It’s who I am.

My yoke is hard, my burden is heavy.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

So you know, my servants, that I gain great satisfaction when I see an earthly servant emulate my genius, and I saw it today.  Yes, I witnessed a politician in full pander mode.  And not only was this a beautiful example of pandery at it’s best, the panderific panderification was done by no less than His Majesty (that always gets a laugh down here), Barack Obama, US President and Panderer in Chief.

I’m referring to a story that ran in the Washington Times today, my servants.  Joel Gehrke’s commentary in Beltway Confidential entitled, “Obama asks CBC for Biblical faith in his agenda,” chronicles Obama’s latest attempt at pulling off one of the oldest tricks in the book (after all, it is my trick, and I am by definition one of the oldest tricksters around): pandering.

But Obama, believing he can excel where others merely imitate, pandered awkwardly by appealing to the religious faith of black voters.  You see, whenever an unbeliever (in God) tries to act like a believer (in God) the dissimulation always makes the actor look a bit silly and disingenuous, like a student who failed to read an assignment attempting to answer a teacher’s question.  What must seem like a great performance to the student appears pathetic to everyone else.

According to Gehrke’s commentary,

President Obama made an appeal to the religious faith of black voters at a Congressional Black Caucus rally, likening Biblical prophets who had faith in God — and so refused to worship an idol — to the black voters who “keep the faith” by supporting him and his policies – and, he hopes, his reelection campaign.

Obama, who had already told blacks to “stop complainin’“, must think that no one can see his pandereligosophistry.  He went so far as to analogize faith in him to the faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, three captive Jews who were thrown in a fiery furnace because they would not worship according to the policies of their particular pandering political leader.

Huh?

Well, Obama, who I ensure has no concept of true faith in God, clumsily continued that analogy, equating, as Gehrke wrote:  the Jews’ “faith in the things not seen” to the more mundane “belief that if you persevere a better day lies ahead.”

You see what I mean?  Not a clue.

Let me clue you in, my servants.  The faith of the Jews was not a faith in some foggy “things not seen;” it was a faith in a living God, a God whose decrees must be kept even unto the point of death under a contrary political regime.   They were not persevering for “better days ahead.”  Their faith was a faith to die for.

I hate those with the faith of those three captive Jews.  That faith produced a fourth Person in that fiery furnace, and that faith continues to produce that Person among any two or three gathered today .  I could not stand against that Person then, and I cannot stand against that Person today.

Obama, because I’ve made him Bible illiterate, further trivialized the Jews so-called faith “in things unseen” as “crazy faith.”  And Obama, because I’ve also made him God-illiterate, trivialized himself by analogizing “crazy faith” in him to “crazy faith” in God.

My oh my, I am good. 

I’m crazy good.

And because most people in the US are also Bible and God illiterate, Obama’s vain foolishness goes almost unnoticed.  Which is good, because rarely do my lies and deceptions get such blatantly pathetic public display. Such obvious, awkward attempts at religisopolitcalpanderifity tend to work against my kingdom goals.

Worse yet, in this case, where Obama’s duplicity did get noticed, it got noticed by someone not fooled.  As Gehrke concluded:

The only “kind of crazy” on display in this speech is the one that says faith in Obama’s policies is kind of like faith in God.

He’s right.

That’s why I hope Gehrke’s view does not get broader press coverage.

Crazy, man.

HT to Weasel Zippers!

Evolution: Good for (my) Theologies

Posted in atheism, atheists, Bible, Catholic Church, common sense, creation, creationism, evolution, Original Sin, science, theology, Truth with tags , , , on August 30, 2011 by devilbloggger

Evolution.

Want to start an argument among Christians?  Just mention “evolution” in a crowd of two or more, and sit back and watch the show.  I watch it all the time, and I must say it never fails to amuse.

You know, atheists must believe in “evolution,” because they are constrained in their chosen belief system to only one interpretation of the evidence.  In a sense, atheists have it easy; they don’t have to really think about the evidence.  For atheists the answer to every question of origins must be answered in only one way. 

Atheists could wear T-shirts saying “Evolution is the answer, what’s the question?”

But Christians?  Those poor souls are in a quandary.  They are not mind-constrained to only one answer to the question “where do we come from?”  And because “science” demands one explanation and God another, Christians end up confused.

Many Christians lazily believe “science” over God.

It’s a beautiful sight.

And then I read in Forbes online today an article on this topic entitled, “Can Theology Evolve?”  In this piece author John Farrell explores:

. . .the recent Nature article on the increasing evidence that modern humans have inherited the genes of more than a few now-extinct relatives on the evolutionary tree, NPR hosted a short program on what this all means for one of the fundamental stories of Judaism, Christianity and Islam.

I linked to this story from a link at RealClearReligion: The Vatican Has a Problem with Evolution.

Well, well, well. 

Problem?

Yes, Problem, with a capital “P”.

Because, as Farrell explores in his article, the bottom line is simple and stark: if “evolution” is true, then the Bible is not true.

If “evolution” is true, then Adam and Eve were not real people, I did not tempt Eve, and Adam was not the first sinner, and there is no original sin.

In fact, if “evolution” is true the entire tapestry of Christianity tatters and shreds into little pieces of thread to be trampled on the floor of history.

A beautiful sight, I must admit.

What are we, my servants, to make of this growing controversy?

First, the easy points: Of course theology can evolve.  Duh!  Why do you think there are so many various theologies out there?  I’m behind all but one.  And all but one have evolved to the place they are now.

And as for the Vatican, the RealClearReligion’s statement is misplaced.  The real issue is “God has a problem with evolution.”

Let me explain, my servants.  What I am about to share is highly confidential kingdom knowledge.  Please casually look around and make sure no one can see your computer.

Clear?

OK.  Pay attention.  I put “evolution” in quotes because one of my greatest lies on earth is to deceive many into hopeless confusion merely by confounding what the term evolution means.  I keep people confused, darkened, and generally theologically schizophrenic because people don’t understand how the word is used, and what it really means as understood by modern biologists.

The real meaning behind “evolution” as used by any modern biologist refers not to mere “change over time” (as your high school teacher would have you believe), but Darwinian “change by mindless, unguided, purposeless processes of nature.”

Don’t doubt me on this one, my friends.  I’m the one behind the nonsense of Darwinism.  Regardless of all wishful thinking that “evolution is true but God is behind it all,” the bottom line is that such thinking is hogwash; “science” demands a purely naturalistic definition, and a purely naturalistic definition is just that: no mind behind creation.

Keep in mind that “science” doesn’t say anything, scientists do.

And if a scientist is constrained (as they virtually all are in modern academia) to a naturalistic explanation of science, then that scientist will always, without exception, come to a Godless “scientific” explanation of our human origins.

It is my way.  Start with a lie, end with a lie.

Clearly an explanation for human origins (and indeed, the entire universe) that starts and ends with mindless, unguided, purposeless processes can not in any way be squared with the Bible’s explanation of creation.

Someone is lying.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, someone is lying to you, my friends.

Either matter came from mind in a purposeful creative act, or mind came from matter in a purposeless, accidental act.

There are only two choices.

But I ensure you will never be faced with a choice, a real choice demanded by the scientific evidence, because I’ve structured all of academia to guard a constrained definition of “science” as requiring only naturalistic, materialistic explanations for all natural phenomena.  This means that unless you take it upon yourself to read the excellent literature on the topic of intelligent design, you will never know the truth.

Truth?

Whoops.  Now we are into highly confidential territory. 

You see, my servants, I’ve forced the public discussion of origins into a “science or religion” framework.  And what is lost is a common sense inquiry into what is true?

Consider: if one does like the scientists of old, and put aside forced constraints on potential theories, and let free thinking reign with the goal of knowing truth, then evolution will die like other scientific theories.

The evidence simply does not support the requirement of Darwinism that new, beneficial forms, organs, or other features of species differentiation came about by unguided, natural processes.

The evidence does not support Darwinism.  There is absolutely no evidence that an unguided, purposeless process can produce new, novel, beneficial features needed for speciation (as opposed to silly things like peppered moths (no speciation) and finch beaks (again, no speciation)).

The fact that you don’t believe me just goes to show how effective I am at perpetuating a lie.

Look it up yourself.

As I’ve engineered modern atheistic science (the only kind allowed any more in public schools), as soon as one starts inferring design by using the common sense scientific method, the explanation is immediately assigned to the “religious” category, never to see the darkness of my scientific night.

Of course, this constraint is placed on “science” only for origins science.  Other scientific fields depend entirely on making design inferrences.  The entire discipline of archeology is built on inferring design from artifacts for which there is no evidence of the original designer.

An archeologist finds a piece of pottery and wonders (without hesitation, and with no hope of an answer) ”who made this?”

A biologist finds reams of information coded into the cell like computer programs but is not allowed to ask “who” made it, but only “how” did “evolution” make it.

Evolution is the answer, what’s the question?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I’m good, I’m really, really good.

In fact, when one removes the constraints of naturalism and materialism, and opens one’s mind to finding truth, regardless of its label as “science” or “religion”, one will find that science actually points to design.

Remember, this is our secret, right?

Good. Now close your mind and go evolve!

Satan Answers Mr. Keller’s Tough Questions.

Posted in atheism, atheists, Bible, Darwin, Darwinism, evangelisim, evolution, False religion, God, heresy, homosexuality, liberals, political correctness, prayer, public schools, secular humanism, secularism, separation of church and state, Truth, worldview with tags , , , on August 25, 2011 by devilbloggger

Oh yeah.

My my my.  Sometimes one of mine outdoes himself in his blind hatred of all things God (true God, that is).  Sometimes this servant of mine has a loud voice that gets heard by many, convinces a few, and pleases one. My my my.

When I saw Bill Keller’s article  in today’s New York Times entitled, “Asking Candidates Tougher Questions About Faith,” I must admit I was worried.  I thought it might be an exposé focusing on the atheistic faith of some politicians, the anti-Christian faith of others, or the general degradation of all things moral and upright by almost every politician.

But I suppose I should have known better.  After all, this showed up in my paper of record.  And it didn’t disappoint.

Yes, Mr. Keller dumped not on “faith” in general, a necessary element of anyone’s political worldview, but only on sincere God faith of the type expressed by George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Ronald Reagan.

I’m with Mr. Keller on this one, my friends.  There is nothing worse for my kingdom than a politician who has a sincere belief in God, and nothing better for my kingdom than a politician who has a professed, but clearly non-existent faith in God.

You will notice Mr. Keller has no problem with Mr. Obama’s faith.

Neither do I.

But consider the faith of Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann, or horror of horrors Rick Perry, and Mr. Keller begins asking the baited question, “Does it matter?”

Matter?

For what?  For an ordered society where people can live freely in relative peace like they used to do when God was not banished from public discourse?

Yes, I suppose it does matter.

And to press his point, Mr. Keller sent a questionairre to suspect candidates to find out where they stand on questions he believes important.  The entire questionnaire can be found on The 6th Floor blog.  Just for fun, I have given my answers to his questions below.

Enjoy. 

1. Is it fair to question presidential candidates about details of their faith?

My answer:  Yes, of course.  Everyone has faith in something or someone, and the public has a right to know what or who is the object of one’s ultimate faith.  Obviously, it is that “something” or “someone” which/who will ultimately drive a politician’s policy choices.  I just hope that atheists, and practical atheists like most Democrats in the US don’t get questioned on this point.

2. Is it fair to question candidates about controversial remarks made by their pastors, mentors, close associates or thinkers whose books they recommend?

My answer: Yes, it is fair.  But the emphasis should always remain on “pastors” and not “thinkers” like Karl Marx,  Bill Ayers and others who espouse destructive ideas that I’ve miraculously made standard thought among the political elite, as well as the faculty of most college campuses.

3. (a) Do you agree with those religious leaders who say that America is a “Christian nation” or “Judeo-Christian nation?” (b) What does that mean in  practice?

My answer:  No. America used to be a Christian nation.  Of course it is not now.  In practice a Christian nation would not kill millions of babies for convenience, celebrate homosexuality as normal, or trash Biblical sexual morality (all three are intimately related).  A Christian nation would not ban Christmas displays, censor Christmas carols in public schools, fire teachers for reading Bibles at work, object to crosses in public places (whether inadvertent or purposeful), freak out over after-school bible studies, go spastic over graduation prayers, kow tow to imprisoned terrorists on religious grounds, sue every person for every Christian utterance made in public, or … well, you get the idea.

4. If you encounter a conflict between your faith and the Constitution and laws of the United States, how would you resolve it? Has that happened, in your experience?

My answer: I encounter conflicts all the time.  The Constitution was written based on an implicit faith in the God of the Bible–an obvious conflict for my purposes.  Fortunately, I resolve it by convincing many people that the Constitution is “living” and subject to change based on prevailing morals by consensus.  Does it seem like the time is right to make abortion a Constitutional right?  Then, by God moi, I make sure someone finds that right buried in that dadgum thing somewhere. 

5. (a) Would you have any hesitation about appointing a Muslim to the federal bench? (b) What about an atheist?

My answer: Moi?  Ha ha ha ha ha.  Of course not. 

6. Are Mormons Christians, in your view? Should the fact that Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are Mormons influence how we think of them as candidates?

My answer: No.  But Mormons can be just as damaging to my kingdom.  I hate Mormons almost as much as I hate Christians.

7. What do you think of  the evangelical Christian movement known as Dominionism and the idea that Christians, and only Christians, should hold dominion over the secular institutions of the earth?

My answer:  Frankly, that idea scares the . . . well, the . . . the heck out of me.  Fortunately, it will never happen, but I can use the notion to prey upon fears, just as I’ve done with Mr. Keller.  Question: Would Mr. Keller care if “Dominionism” was the idea that atheists, and only atheists, should hold dominion over “secular” institutions of the earth.  Why not?

8. (a) What is your attitude toward the theory of evolution? (b) Do you believe it should be taught in public schools?

My answer:  I LOVE the theory of evolution.  This theory has done more to advance my kingdom than any other in the history of the world.  Of course it should be taught in public schools, but not as Darwin presented it, a tentative scientific theory, but as dogmatic fact immune from criticism.  Darwin, a true scientist, included many reasonable scientific objections to his theory of descent with modification in his book Origin of Species.  I would not want students to know these objections, all of which continue as refutations to Darwin’s theory today.  One of my greatest lies on earth is that Darwinism is ironclad science and anyone who questions it is naïve at best, and evil at worst.  (Consider: Darwin’s own book, half of which contains scientific criticism of his theory, could not be taught in public schools today!  The criticisms are just as valid today, but they are not allowed to be taught. Darwin would likely abandon his theory based on them.)

9. Do you believe it is proper for teachers to lead students in prayer in public schools?

My answer:  Are you serious?  Of course not.  Unless, of course, the prayers are to an ungodly toy deity.

There you have it, my servants. 

I wonder how my answers would stack up against the politicians Mr. Keller opposes?

I wonder how my answers would stack up against the politicians Mr. Keller endorses?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

CNN Learns Atheists are Religious Jerks and Other Things

Posted in atheism, atheists, Bible, False religion, Popular blogs, religion, separation of church and state, Truth, worldview with tags , , on August 20, 2011 by devilbloggger

CNN.

Did you know CNN has a blog like mine?  They call theirs the “CNN Belief Blog.”  Nice work they do there, for people who do not have a committment to the truth.  Merely observing, the good folks at CNN are.

That’s why it was fun to see some of the things CNN learned after one year of blogging.  Their latest blog entry entitled, “10 things the Belief Blog learned in its first year,” by Dan Gilgoff, proved entertaining, and in fact informative.  Let me give you my spin on a couple of things they learned.

CNNs first learning was something that I’ve been telling people for almost a year that I’ve been blogging: Every big news story has a faith angle.  In fact, every decision, every act, every thought, has a faith angle.  It’s called a world view, and everyone has one.  A world view framed by a true belief in God leads one to a certain set of decisions, actions, and thoughts.  A world view framed by a true unbelief in God leads to different decisions, acts, and thoughts.  And because decisions, acts, and thoughts have consequences, the news produced by the consequences of such decisions, acts, necessarily have a faith angle.

In fact, most people never see the faith angle in news stories because people in the modern world have been trained by moi to associate “faith” only with belief in God, and most of the news seemingly does not involve one’s belief in God.  In fact, atheists have faith as well, and their faith produces most of the news you hear.  Because their faith in action almost always produces bad news. 

But as long as the world does not recognize the life-destroying, society-damaging acts of atheists as being related to their religion, my ways are safe on earth.

Shhhhh.

And the faith of atheists brings CNN to their second realization: Atheists are the most fervent commenters on matters religious.

What CNN could say, based on the examples of comments provided, is that atheists are the biggest jerks on matters religious.  CNN makes the observation that atheists provide an “avalanche” of comments on virtually every blog entry of theirs. 

Atheists commenting on a “belief blog”? 

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

I told you so.

You see, atheists don’t believe in God so much that it seems that’s all they ever talk about.  In fact, God is on the average atheist’s mind more than he’s on the average Christian’s mind, I’m happy to report.

Every atheist prides himself on how smart he is, rejecting (theistic) religion and dissing God.  Atheists often join organizations called “free thinkers” or “skeptics” or “fools anonymous.”  As I’ve said before, it’s fair to say that if God did not exist, neither would these organizations.

Got it?  Atheists know God exists, they just don’t like him.  In fact they hate him.   Of course, I don’t like him either, so on that we are in agreement.

But the difference between me and atheists (aside from the fact that I’m not that kind of fool; I believe in God) is that I don’t spend all my time talking about how God doesn’t exist and vilifying those who do believe it.  I merely go about seeking whom I may destroy in spite of God. 

Atheists, unless they change, are all but destroyed already.  My job is to go after the rest.

And I’m doing that 24/7.  Except for the times I take a break to write this blog, I’m roaming about the earth seeking out whom I may devour.  And the pickings are easy in America for another reason which CNN discovered: Most Americans are religiously illiterate.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Most?  Like almost all?

And why wouldn’t they be, my servants?  Why is such a discovery surprising?  I’ve essentially removed all Godtalk from the public sphere.  It’s practically illegal to have a Bible in public, prayers are unconstitutional, and every public expression of God faith is met with a lawsuit from some poor offended soul.

I’m winning, my friends.  And to prove it, consider CNNs last learning:  Most Americans don’t know that President Barack Obama is a Christian.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Biblical illiteracy, indeed.

Is Barack Obama a Christian?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

The Business of Religion?

Posted in Bible, False religion, secularism, theology with tags on August 12, 2011 by devilbloggger

Money.

Quick: what subject in the Bible is so important that there are 800 verses dealing with it?  Right!  How did you know? 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, do you think any of those 800 verses say, “Thou shalt accumulate riches to maketh your earthly life abundantly cushyfied.  A biggeth and biggether house pleaseth me mightily and a car that costeth enough to feedeth a small African village for a year shalt maketh my blessings to raineth down on you almost forever”?

No?

Are you sure?

Then why do so many prominent religious folk and religious organizations behave as if there were such verse?  Of course, the answer is that many people who call themselves Christians have bought my lie that you actually can serve God and money, as long as it looks like you are serving God.

Got it?  Preach something like the gospel, tell people “give (to me, of course) and thou shalt receive many times over.”  Be snazzy, funny, and use some Bible verses, and you will receive “many times over.”

Yes, the business of religion can be very profitable.

Want proof?  You should see this fascinating post over at money.co.uk entitled, The Business of Religion.  According to the money.co.uk article, televangelists, for example, have an estimated combined worth around £1.5 billion, live in multi-million dollar homes and travel by private jet.  And this for preaching the gospel? 

Really?

Yes, because I ensure that, although they may look and sound like Christians, in fact I have robbed them of the truth so that they think godliness is a means to financial gain.

Is this what Jesus would taught?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And it’s not just high-flying TV preachers and mega-denominations who worry about financial gain.  In fact, in these last days I ensure that rather than seek Godliness in contentment, many are lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, etc., etc. 

In other words, I have almost created Hell on earth for many people, most of whom only love money they don’t have yet.

Here’s the secret to my lie, my servants: God says that godliness with contentment is great gain.  This is because God knows that people who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.  So I must make and keep people discontented.

I fill people’s little lives with worry about their life, what they will eat or drink, or about their body, what they will wear.  I tried to get all of nature including the birds of the air and the lilies of the field to worry, but it seems that humans are the only beings in the universe who respond to my worry lies.

And more than respond–discontent flourishes among humans, including Christians, thanks to me.  And a discontented Christian almost always seeks money to bring the desired contentment.  “If only you had more . . .” I whisper incessantly in their itching ears.

And, as God and I know, seeking contentment by dollars requires becoming a servant of money, and no one can serve two masters. 

But don’t despair, my servants; you can come close.  Serve money and you will come very close to also serving me also!  And serving me comes with all the good stuff mentioned above, like foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.

So a Christian who makes money his master makes religion very good business–for me.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Post-Hell Christianity? Huh?

Posted in Bible, christians, Hell, progressives, theology with tags , on July 17, 2011 by devilbloggger

Expansive.

Hell in the news again, my servants.  And you just have to love the title of the latest article in my Huffington Post entitled, “Post Hell Christianity and Other Questions of the Afterlife.”  The Huffington Post article, written by Kim Lawton of Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly, asks us to imagine what happens after death.  Is there an afterlife?  Is there a heaven?  Who gets in?  And what happens to those who don’t.  But more importantly, M. Lawton reports on renewed discussion in Christian and so-called Christian circles on the very existence of Hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it.  Post-Hell Christianity?

Really?

How can that be?  There may be a post-Hell worldview, a post-Hell belief system, even a post-Hell religion, my friends. 

But it is categorically impossible to have a post-Hell Christianity

Come to think of it, why do people care?  Really, why are people who have no interest in pleasing God beyond accepting self-approved religious beliefs even concerned with Hell at all? 

In any event consider: How do we know anything at all about Heaven or Hell in the first place?

Huh?  Think, think, think.

Right!  There is only one reason that the concept of Heaven or Hell, much less the very words themselves, even exist in our language: the Bible.

The Bible, and particularly Jesus, were very clear on the existence of Hell, who it was created for (moi, merci), who else is going to populate it (peut-être vous, s’il vous plaît?), and what it is like (vous ne voulez pas savoir). 

And, although I don’t like to advertise for the competition, as well Jesus Christ was very explicit about how to get to Heaven.

So why the discussion? 

Well, my friend Bell has a view on Hell that he’s tried to sell causing others to yell in an effort to quell the rising swell of something that smells.

Go that?  Rob Bell’s, the name.  Robbing Hell’s the game.   You can read what I’ve written about Rob Bell here, here, and here

Here’s how Ms. Lawton sets up the current issue over Hell’s existence.  First she quotes some truth-bearing Godpunk named Mary Vanden Berg, an assistant professor of systematic theology at Calvin Seminary:

There is one sure way to know that you will spend eternal life with God, in the presence of God, and that is through faith in Jesus Christ.

But according to Ms. Lawton’s article: “Bell offers a more expansive view.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.  I like “expansive.”

Expansive means, “Well, yes, the Bible has something explicit to say about Hell, but I prefer to read in my own interpretation of more tangential sayings of Jesus Christ.”

Why?

Why not?  Hey, if truth can be changed merely by believing something different, why not?

Wait . . . hmmmm.

Whatever.  According to Ms. Lawton, “Bell points to Scriptures where Jesus says he is restoring all things and drawing all people to himself.”

In other words, Hell is not where unbelievers spend eternity, because Jesus restores everything to himself and draws all people to himself, which, I’m guessing Bell believes is in Heaven (it’s hard to tell, because Bell relies not on the whole of scripture for his worldview).

Hey, Bell, if that’s true, why preach any gospel at all? 

Hmmm?

Why?

You can get back to me on that one.  In the meantime, keep on preaching the love of Christ absent the judgment of Christ. 

And I will keep on welcoming the BellHellers with Hell’s bells.

But don’t call your preaching Christian.  Because it is not.  A gospel without a literal, imminent, eternal Hell is one of my clever perversions, one of my confusions, one of my deceits, in which people fail to understand the plain teaching of Jesus Christ.

The world may have entered a post-Hell era.  But it is not post-Hell Christianity.  It is merely post-Christian.

Period.

Destroying Society One (Gay) Marriage at a Time

Posted in Bible, christians, Government, homosexuality, perversion, political correctness, same sex marraige, Sexual revolution, theology, Truth with tags , , on July 12, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day:  Just say the Bible is pro-homosexuality, throw out a few random verses, talk about the love of God, and sternly warn about judging others.  Do this with a sincere look on your face and you will convince a few, confuse many, and you can go home victorious. – We gays don’t need no stinkin’ Bible (do we?)

Inevitable.

Ahhh . . . the sweet confirmation of my success is here.  And from the entirely reasonable and even-keeled keyboard of Rod Dreher over at Real Clear Religion.  Today’s article, entitled “My Second Thoughts About Gay Marriage,” lays out better than I could the current landscape of gay marriage acceptance in America. 

And the picture is beautiful from my point of view.

Mr. Dreher is reacting to my recent victory in New York, which recently became the sixth, and largest, state in the US to legalize same-sex marriage.  Mr. Dreher noticed with some alarm the same thing I noticed with some delight: the virtual absence of any effective defense of the marriage status quo. 

Mr. Dreher had written a previous column complaining,

. . . that no conservative religious leaders had managed to articulate a persuasive case against gay marriage — this, because so few have been able to mount an effective defense of Christian sexual teaching since the Sexual Revolution.

Ta da!

Dreher is right.  Like magic I’ve virtually silenced any intellectually coherent opposition to boyboysex and girlgirlsex, including state-sanctioned marriage of such sinfulness.

Oops!  Did I say sinfulness?  I’m getting ahead of myself.  Hang on, my servants, while I explain what is really going on here.

My servants, what I’m about to share is highly confidential.  If you are on a public computer, please take note of your surroundings.  If someone can see your screen, casually scroll up or switch to another window now.  Wait until you are alone before proceeding.

Alone?

Good.

I recommend that you read Mr. Dreher’s article for yourself, as he adroitly lays out the situation facing those who oppose same-sex marriage in America.  He makes the following salient observations:

  • It is clear that aside from those who consider their moral judgments bound by Biblical religion … the point of privileging traditional marriage is increasingly lost on contemporary Americans.
  • It is true that the relatively swift popular acceptance of same-sex marriage is breathtakingly revolutionary, and it is a cultural revolution that has been driven by elites. But traditionalists cannot for much longer pretend that gay marriage lacks popular support.
  • [Same-sex marriage] is widely accepted by younger Americans, many of whom view the taboo against homosexuality as arbitrary and irrational.

And what does Dreher rightly conclude from these facts?  Just this:

The point is not that there are no morally serious arguments for same-sex marriage. Of course there are. The point, rather, is that the arguments against same-sex marriage are now so countercultural. Even more depressingly, it seems to me true that so few people want to entertain arguments at all.

Dreher then responds to the question: What should pastors and other social conservatives say now?

First, according to Dreher, such people should acknowledge the truth of the situation, and resign themselves to the fact that the redefinition of marriage, and indeed the family, is inevitable and unstoppable.  Americans are witnessing the inexorable ripening of the fruit of the sexual revolution, characterized by Dreher as “defeat that we are enduring.”

Second, Dreher correctly recognizes that,

For Christians, gay marriage is not the cause of our crisis. It is only a symptom, and a symbol of the new age.

And what is Dreher’s answer to the question above?  This:

I don’t know what, precisely, pastors and other church leaders should say about this issue going forward. But unless it’s based on an analysis that’s sober, deep, and unsparing, their words will continue to be unavailing.

Let me help out here.  There is an effective antidote to the cancer of the liberal-theology-fueled, secularized God-be-damned-politicoreligous-perverted road to legalizing my will on earth.  And it is this:

Convincing one heart at a time of sin and righteousness, and framing the question as “what pleases God?”

Did you get that?  I tell you this so you can deflect any such convincing as you see it.  Silence it.  Ridicule it.  Challenge it as backward, cruel, intolerant, and/or just plain irrelevant.  But stop it.

You see, there is no convincing the mind of a belligerent, convinced sinner of the moral nature of same-sex marriage.  The boyboys and girlgirls simply don’t care.  I ensure that by hardening their hearts and stopping their ears.

But the word of God is powerful, and the preaching of sin opens the mind to the convicting power of one greater than I, and once convicted of God’s righteousness, the question for the changed heart no longer becomes “can I rationalize this in my own mind as OK?” but “can I in my own heart know that this activity please God?”

You see, almost any chosen behavior can be mentally rationalized using and misusing the Bible for one’s own selfish purposes.  Thus when one understands that “there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people,” all one need to is convince his own mind that his particular chosen sin is not truly immoral, impure, or greedy.

Done!

But when one frames the challenge as “Live as children of the light and find out what pleases the Lord,” suddenly the mental challenge to justifying sin becomes greater; in fact it becomes insurmountable to the honest heart.

Does anyone really believe the Bible approves of same-sex marriage? 

Well, yes, in fact, many do.

Can anyone really make the case that same-sex marriage “pleases the Lord?”

Those who do can only do so by invoking the “God is a God of love, and a loving God loves all his chillens, including boyboys and girlgirls.”

And by this logic the “loving God” must love all manner of perversion among his chillens, and nothing could be deemed displeasing to him.  Any other outcome makes God arbitrarily intolerant, and, thus unloving.

Clearly the question of what pleases God forces the issue in a different light that even those committed to sin cannot stand against.

Preach sin.  Stress the personal responsibility of finding out what is pleasing to God.  Let God change hearts.

And changed hearts will change society.

It’s as simple at that.

Fortunately I have such a huge advantage in numbers of hearts possessed that it’s unlikely that modern Christians have the staying power to reverse the course of American society toward total state-sanctioned sexual perversion.

In fact, with men it is impossible.  Let’s hope, my servants, that the battle remains among men.

And the beat goes on.

Church growth in America (my way)

Posted in Bible, Catholic Church, christians, gospel, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , , on July 11, 2011 by devilbloggger

Shrinking.

Have you ever heard of a Church Shrink Expert?  A Church Shrink Consultant?  How about a Church De-membership Drive, or a Church Negative Growth Committee?

No?

I don’t know why not.  After all, Church Shrink Experts and Church Shrink Consultants are ubiquitous in the modern church.  In fact, they control most of the governing bodies of the mainline denominations, leading them step by step to empty pews and cultural irrelevancy.

It took years for me to groom the numbers on earth today, but Church Shrink Experts now control most established protestant denominations, and many Catholic and Orthodox churches.

And they are very effective. 

Does anyone care?  Consider Churchboy:  If your local congregation disappeared today, would anyone in your community care tomorrow?  Would anyone in your community even notice?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Answer honestly Churchboy.  The fact of the matter is that most churches on earth today exist primarily for those inside and hardly at all for those outside. 

And the numbers of those inside are shrinking. 

Coincidence?

My servants, I’ve watched the steady decline in numbers of mainline churches with great pride.  I am Church Shrinking Expert One, and I must pat myself on the back for my great success in this area. 

And, at the risk of reversing my trend I thought I would share three tips for Church Shrinking with you.  What spurred my thinking on this was a news story today in The New American entitled, “United Church of Christ Votes to Remove “Heavenly Father” from Bylaws.” 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it!  Remove Heavenly Father from their earthly, human, manmade bylaws?  

The New American reports:

Explaining the change, which reflects a trend toward gender-neutralizing (and in some cases feminizing) God that has been in vogue throughout the denomination for years, UCC spokesperson Barb Powell told World Net Daily:

In the UCC, our language for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit … is preferred to be more open for different expressions of the Trinity. Heavenly Father is just one vision.

Well, yes, “Heavenly Father” is just one vision.  Never mind that it is God’s vision.  I suppose when one decides to make God politically correct anything is possible.  If scripture is to be ignored another equally valid vision is that God is a unicorn.  Even better, a bi-sexual unicorn with two mommies.

Why not?

No, really, why not??

But what I like best is the quote from David Runnion-Bareford of Biblical Witness Fellowship (BWF), a group formed to battle “UCC’s theological surrender to the moral and spiritual confusion of contemporary culture.”

He called the latest compromise by the church, which is one of the most rapidly shrinking Protestant denominations in America, “a powerful confession by the Synod of the UCC that, having rebelled against the word of God, is on sinking sand — with our members, churches, historic witness, and identity in Christ washing away before our eyes.”

Sorry Dave, you are losing this battle.  And the great swooshing sound of church members washing away before your eyes illustrates my first, and most important Church Shrinking tip: 

Tip 1: Be Relevant; mold scripture to modern culture.

Get it?  It is the Gospel of Modern Niceness.   Modern political correctness demands tolerant niceness to all.  We all learn that it’s nice to be nice to the nice, and the only one’s who aren’t nice are those meanies who believe the Bible to be God the Father’s (sorry, UCC) word on earth.

Does gender specific language offend?  Then just change it!  Be relevant to those to whom (and to those two, whom) such language is a barrier to communion with whatever God you believe you worship. 

But the Niceness doesn’t end at gender nonsense, of course.  Niceness leads to denominational endorsement of same-sex marriage, ordination of homosexual ministers, and implicit condoning all manner of sexual impropriety that now imposes as the contemporary norm.  Consider an elaboration of this tip from John Richardson, who has studied Shrinkology in modern churches:

Contemporary relevance is a fundamental tool in denominational shrinkage. Not only does it deter people from going to your churches, it actually camouflages the fact that they are not.

And, as Richardson states, here is the great lie that goes unnoticed until all the pews are empty:

But of course nobody will commit themselves to a church which is preaching what they (the non-churchgoer) already practise. Sundays are for resting, in bed or with family and friends, not sitting in uncomfortable buildings … watching badly performed rituals and listening to the blessed thoughts of the half-unbelieving and half-trained, though well-intentioned, minister.

I couldn’t have said it any better.  And it just amazes me how many Christian denominations, in an effort to grow abandon the very reason for church in the first place: scripturally sound doctrine that drives a self-controlled disciplined lifestyle, set apart from the world, being transformed by the renewing of the mind to God’s thoughts to be more like Jesus daily.

Blechhhh!  I can’t believe I even wrote that.

Tip 2:  Drop Your Demands

Related to being relevant in modern culture, dropping troublesome demands on a sinful lifestyle and stressing holiness is a sure-fire church shrinker.  As Richardson notes:

[M]aintaining the demands of orthodox belief generally doesn’t sit well with denominational shrinkage. A broad church is, by and large, a leaky church. If you want to lose the average person from your church then, paradoxically, you must declare as ‘faith’ what the average person already finds it easy and comfortable to believe. Never mention the afterlife except in terms of cosy reassurance about the love of God. Specifically, never mention hell – except when assuring people that a loving God could not possibly send anyone to such an awful place invented by vindictive humans etc. (It may be necessary to keep off the Bible in general or Jesus’ own words in particular at this point.)

Yes, make your church one of Easy Believism.  Do not require repentance, a holy lifestyle, adherence to scripture in matters of morals and behavior, or any of the other things that Jesus tends to like.  And never, never, mention H-E-L-L.

Tip 3:  Never mention or stress mission.

Jesus gave a Great Commission that scared the socks off me when I first heard it.  Go into all the world . . . making disciples . . . of all nations.  Each phrase chilled my already cold soul as I realized what would happen to my kingdom once the Great Commissioners got moving. 

Fortunately in the modern church today, particularly in Western cultures, there is virtually no Great Commissioning going on.  Most Christians go through their entire lives without making one disciple!

I know, my servants, I know.  It’s unbelievable!

But it’s true.  Churches with members that don’t reach out to friends, neighbors, co-workers, and their surrounding community with Good Deeds and Good News will only shrink away to oblivion.  It is inevitable; it is happening now.  As Richardson concludes, quoting a book The Churching of America 1776–1990 by Roger Finke and Rodney Stark:

[T]o the degree that denominations rejected traditional doctrines and ceased to make serious demands on their followers, they ceased to prosper. The churching of America was accomplished by aggressive churches committed to vivid otherworldliness.

Yes, that’s true to an extent.  But the fact is that all churches are committed to “otherworldliness.”  But because the “otherworldliness” is not “vivid” a shrinking number are aggressively committed to God’s “other world” while a growing number are aggressively committed to my “other world.”

Lack of vividity fuels church growth my way.

Viva nonvividity!

3 in 10 Americans don’t worry me

Posted in atheism, Bible, Catholic Church, christians, False religion, liberals, theology, worldview with tags , , on July 9, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day:  But overall I love the mere confessors, because virtually all of them are lukewarm, just the way I like it.
Gays kissin’ and dissin’ (what’s missin’?)

Literal.

What would happen, my servants, if one person on earth believed, I mean really believed, that the Bible was the actual word of the living God?  Well, of course, there was one person for whom that was actually true, and he almost destroyed my kingdom single-handedly. 

I often wonder why he didn’t.

And today there are many, many people who threaten my kingdom by similarly believing that God exists and obey his word as being literally true.  That combination of beliefs in a person signals a clear and present danger to my kingdom, and I deploy my most effective resources against such people. 

I can usually neutralize the impact of true believers by ensuring they experience either severe trials of their faith or extreme material blessing.  Both tend to result in a spiritually crippled believer; one dragging down to despair and the other conning into complacency.

I’ve used both techniques on the world for years with great results.  The numbers of people who believe the Bible to be the literal word of God shrink daily.  In the West I’ve leveraged primarily material blessing together with higher education and the lie of politicoreligious pluralistic mumbojumboism to steadily numb the spiritual senses of people. 

Weak and lazy minds distracted by the cares of this world work to further my kingdom on earth.

That’s why, my servants, I was surprised to read in my Huffington Post (in the Mumbojumboism section) the headline, “Poll: 3 in 10 Americans Take The Bible Literally.” 

Huh?

Americans?

Sure enough, apparently it’s true.  As stated by HuffPo:

A new Gallup poll reveals that three out of ten Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word.

Well, well.  So many of you Americans have been holding out on me, eh?  I look for people like you 3-in-10′s all the time.  If Gallup had asked me I would have put the number at around 1 in 100,000.  As I roam about the earth, including America, seeking whom I might destroy I focus on exactly your type, you 3-in10′s. 

Where are you hiding?

Wait a minute.  Let me think about this.  Is it possible for someone to believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word, and I not know it?  Wouldn’t an army of 3-in-10′s pretty much put my kingdom in tatters in short order?

By my calculation, 3 in 10 Americans is 100,000,000 Americans! 

100,000,000!! 

One hundred million people, any one of whom could successfully storm the gates of Hell and cause me to flee!  Any one of whom could lead large numbers of my captives to freedom in Christ by the preaching of the gospel, the caring for the poor, and the healing of the hurt and wounded.

I haven’t noticed any particular large scale threat to my kingdom coming out of America.  In fact, I see shrinking church membership, anemic church attendance, and a largely politically silenced impotence among Christians and those who call themselves Christians in the U.S.  (Maybe the 2.9 in10 fall in the latter classification??)

I wonder if God has noticed anything.  Maybe I’ll ask him next opportunity I have to inquire of him, as I did with Job, where I might find a righteous person to persecute.

So, my servants, what are we to make of this putative bad news about American 3-in-10′s?  First, note that the 3 in 10 statistic is down from previous years.  In 1980 and 1984 the number peaked at 40% — 4 in 10!  Second, note that in the same survey 17% believe the Bible to be a book of fables and legends.

And note further, my servants, that responses to the Gallup poll shifted drastically by levels of education.  As reported:

Of those with a high school diploma or less, 46 percent say they take the Bible literally, while only 16 percent of those with a postgraduate degree align with this view.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What does this poll taken together with real world experience say?  Well, from my perspective it says that 3 in 10 Americans are either uneducated or liars.

Or both.

So we need not be concerned, my friends.  Let the Christians bask in their 3-in-10 status.  It makes little difference to me.

Look at it this way:  do you think America would be any different if 10 in 10 Americans believe the Bible to be the actual word of God, to be interpreted literally, word for word the same way the current 3-in-10′s do?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And the beat goes on.

Southern Baptists: Hell is Real!

Posted in Bible, False religion, Hell, heresy with tags , , , , on June 20, 2011 by devilbloggger

Quote of the Day: Rob Bell is not the first to preach the Gospel Of Human Fairness, which goes by the theological name of “universalism.” Entire denominations are built around the idea that a loving God would never send anyone to Hell. . . . [I]f Rob Bell is right Jesus is either a liar or a lunatic.  — Rob Hell? Fortunately, no.

Wheeee!

Here we go again, my friends.  Hell is hot news today, with its really real realitiness seeming to hang in the balance of the opinion of men.  Question:  If everyone on earth believed a literal Hell did not exist, would the truth of Hell’s existence change?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

A prime vanity of human beings, my servants, is the propensity to believe that truth conforms to what one thinks about it.

Hey, did you know, my servants, that there is one thing, nay, two things on which Jesus and I are in perfect agreement?  First, we both believe that God exists and he is who he says he is.  And second, we both believe in a literal Hell, and it is what he says it is.

Why doesn’t everyone agree with Jesus and me?  Well, on the first point many people speak as fools, and on the second many fools speak as people.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!  Because at least I get to meet all the fools personally and thank them for their blind service to my kingdom.

But those Southern Baptists in the United States?  I have to do some work on them there backwoods Bible Thumpers.  It seems that those trouble makers held a convention last week and issued a resolution asserting their “belief in the biblical teaching on eternal, conscious punishment of the unregenerate in Hell.”

According to a TIME mag story reported by Yahoo news entitled, “Religious Rebuttal: Southern Baptists Resolve that Hell is Real,” we read that the Southern Baptists did their rebutting with a Resolution titled succinctly, “Don’t Believe in Hell? Well, Die and Learn.”

Well, it’s about time!  Finally someone is standing up for moi and my proud abode!  I was beginning to believe that even Christians would soon write me off as a mean myth or a meddlesome metaphor.

But now there are two places, at least, where the truth about Hell is confirmed: In the Southern Baptist’s resolution and in the Bible.

Maybe people will believe the Southern Baptists.  Who knows?

But why the perceived need by those Baptist ne’er-do-wells to publicly reiterate the Bible’s plain teaching?  Who butted in the first place that necessitated a rebuttal?

Look no further than the Resolution’s first “Whereas” clause:

WHEREAS, Rob Bell, in his 2011 book, Love Wins, has called into question the church’s historical teaching on the doctrine of eternal punishment of the unregenerate …

Ha ha ha ha ha.

That Rob Bell dude.  I like him.  I’ve written about him here, and here.   Apparently no-Hell-Bell has decided that Jesus’ clear message in the Bible has produced “theological rigidity” and, according to Bell, a “dangerous thing” in a “faith of exclusion.”

So Rob Bell wrote another book to supplant the Bible’s teachings, called Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived.  I blogged it here.

According to critics, in Love Wins Bell decided to rectify Jesus’ theological rigidity by preaching universalism, a theology that suggests everyone goes to Heaven and Hell is empty.

Winner, winner, chicken sinner!

Question: which is more dangerous, to tell someone they are headed for a cliff or to pretend the cliff doesn’t really exist?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Now, the good part, my servants.  Let me show you how poor thinking skills, faulty logic, and an untrained mind work to further my kingdom.  According to the TIME article, Bell defends his unorthodox teaching with the following jewel of my deception:

 When we get to what happens when we die, we don’t have any video footage. So let’s at least be honest that we are speculating, because we are.

Really, RobMyBelleButNotMyHell?  Really?

Tell me, My Belle, is there any video footage of Heaven?

No?

Then on what basis can you say anything about Heaven or Hell?  Isn’t it all speculation.  Why should we listen to your speculation about Heaven any more than we should listen to your speculation about Hell?

Shouldn’t we be looking for someone who knows, and who isn’t relying on speculation?  Perhaps one who created both Heaven and Hell?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

For Rob Bell, it’s all speculation. 

For Christians, it’s not.

Look!  Here comes another Love Wins reader!  Look at that face!

Wheeee!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 116 other followers

%d bloggers like this: