The First Christmas According to Satan (Part I)
Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that were fulfilled among the first eyewitnesses of the life of Jesus Christ. However, because I myself carefully investigated everything from the very beginning, it seemed good to me to write an orderly account for you, my servants, so that you may know the certainty of my existence.
Things were quiet in the land of Israel for hundreds of years during the time of Herod, king of Judea. I thought I had finally silenced all God talk on earth. My only goal was to completely demoralize the remaining Jews so my kingdom would come on earth.
There were a few stalwarts of the faith, such as an obstinate priest named Zechariah, and his wife Elizabeth. They each resisted my temptations to flee from uprightness, even though I blocked their constant prayers, so that Elizabeth stayed barren, and they both grew old.
I received a great shock one day when Zechariah’s division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God. The day started as any of the days of the previous 400 years; even the priests, having become lax in their duties, chose Zechariah by casting lots, which was their custom.
My demons assigned to priest duty started when an angel appeared in the midst of Zechariah, right before the altar of incense. This demon had not seen an angel on earth in hundreds of years, but knowing an angel from many battles in the heavenlies, he ensured that Zechariah was startled and gripped with fear.
Gabriel, it’s Gabriel, the frantic voices raced through my ranks. Fear followed quickly, sweeping through my kingdom with such swiftness that I could hardly keep control. The angel’s voice broke through the darkness of all Hell with words we hate: “Do not be afraid.”
Yes, be afraid, Zechariah, we shouted but were surprised at our ineffectiveness. Demons swirled about Zechariah in vain efforts to shut his ears and cause him to fear greatly. Our efforts continued even as I listened closely to what the angel said, words that chilled my heart as I understood God was on the move.
Zechariah will have a son! Is this the one? He is to make ready a people prepared for the Lord. What could this mean? I dispatched a crack team of demons to follow this development closely, watching closely for any more appearances by Gabriel.
My strategy paid off; only a few months later we found Gabriel once again addressing a human being, this time a young virgin. And we heard the most horrifying words of all:
“You, Mary, will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever.”
NO! I privately fretted. How could this be? I had cut off the kings of Israel. “Forever” was a word I associated with my success in ending the line of kings, cut off like a stump—the “stump of Jesse” we sneered in our Hellish pride.
How can this be? I thought, even as I heard Mary echo my thoughts, since Mary is a virgin!
And then my worst nightmare unfolded in an instant, with terrifying thoughts tumbling in around me in a blinding reality: That’s it! That’s how he is going to do it! A virgin! Of course—any other way and this child would be born into sin like every man since Adam.
But a virgin! A sinless human being! Can it really be?
Then Gabriel’s words thundered across all of Hell:
“The power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. . . . For no word from God will ever fail.”
Well, I thought, we’ll see about that.
And I set off to do all I could to ensure this child never be born, and once born tried to kill him through my servant King Herod.
I was unsuccessful, my servants, in stopping Jesus Christ, Son of God, from entering history with a life-changing presence that first Christmas day.
But, my servants, give me credit. I’ve been extremely successful in driving Jesus Christ, Son of God, out of modern history, together with his life-changing presence since that first Christmas day.Oh holy naught! My cigars are burning brightly, It is the night that we jeer the Savior’s birth. Now lays the world enjoying sin and whining. Still he is sneered and the Spirit shunned from earth. A slippery slope the cheery world rejoices, More ponderous makes the new and glorious scorn. Fall to appease! Oh we’re here for Satan’s choices! O naught of mine, the night Christ is forlorn; O naught, unholy naught, O naught of mine! O naught, unholy naught, O naught of mine!
To be continued . . .