Archive for the religion Category

Obama is NOT a Muslim! You MUST believe me and help me convince others!

Posted in christians, congress, God, Government, islam, multiculturalism, Muslims, Obama, politics, religion, socialism, Truth, worldview with tags , , on March 12, 2012 by devilbloggger

False. Religion.

Listen, my servant friends.  There is a story on the wires that worries me.  It was published today in the LA Times, in an article entitled, “Poll: Obama’s a Muslim to many GOP voters in Alabama, Mississippi.”  Yes, my friends, many people think that Obama is truly a Muslim!  We must stop this nonsense.  This is one time when you must believe me.  (Really!!)

Let me explain.

Keep in mind that this is very confidentialistic–please treat it as such.  Here it is: Obama isn’t anything but a politicoreligisopportunistika.  That is, he has no core beliefs on ultimate issues of truth, but he will say or do anything of a religious nature for political reasons.

Obama is not unusual among politicians in this regard, but the difference between Obama and virtually every other US president is that Obama continues to push MY kingdom to levels even I would never have imagined in America’s old-fashioned Christian days.

Could you have predicted under any other president that a 30-year old woman would shamelessly and publicly go before the United States Congress and ask for free birth control pills?  I’m not sure who makes me the most proud, the hussy or the hustled.  But just imagine the Congress under any other administration listening to such embarrassing, brazen, shameless talk from a proudly loose woman on behalf of an entire Catholic university of openly loose women.

My how I’ve changed things when it’s a compliment to say about women that they have a “reputation.”   And Obama wants his girls to grow up just as proud of their reputation as he wants this woman’s parents to be of their daughter’s.  He said so.

Unbelievable!

And Americans sit back and yawn, or argue over religious rights versus women’s rights.

Pinch me!

We’ve come a long way, baby!

That’s why this talk of Obama being a Muslim must stop.  Because the only reason I’ve successfully pushed America so far toward the abyss that hardly any Americans get embarrassed at hussies hustling them for handouts, is because Obama does not act like a Christian!

Got it?  Regardless of whether Obama is truly a Muslim or not, he clearly, by his actions, is not a Christian.

And that’s all I care about.

I don’t care what people say they are.  Half the people in Hell say they were Christians.  Big deal.  They didn’t act like it.

And Obama, because he has no core values beyond those of a socialistic worldview, will, if pushed, shamelessly act like a Christian.  And if Obama starts acting like a Christian, my kingdom on earth will suffer.

And I don’t like to suffer.

So here’s what I want you to do, my servants.  At every chance you get, battle the rumors that Obama is a Muslim.  Refute those who base their judgments on what he does, and not what he says!  Make up excuses for his associations, his childhood experiences, his clear affinity for Muslim culture and beliefs, his barely veiled antipathy toward Christianity and Christians.

Because if we can’t convince people Obama is not a Muslim simply because he acts like one, then Obama, being the smart tool he is, will start acting like a Christian.

And I hate those who act like Christians.

Period.

Images from The People’s Cube, a must-visit website.  Go there.  Now.

Atheists make for mad scientists

Posted in agnostics, atheism, atheists, Darwinism, False religion, God, religion, science, Truth, Uncategorized, worldview with tags , , on February 25, 2012 by devilbloggger

Mad Scientists.

Do you know how to make a scientist mad?  Try this some time.  Go up to a scientist and say that you believe the natural evidence of creation supports a scientific inference of a creator.  That is, explain that the abundant evidence of design in the universe and the world around you naturally leads you to believe there might be an intelligent designer.  Unless you happen to find one who practices the scientific method objectively, you will succeed in provoking the wrath of certainty from a dogmatic person who will lecture you on the difference between “science” and “religion”.

You will, in fact, create a mad scientist.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, my servants, let me tell you one of my greatest kingdom secrets.  I’ve succeeded in making “science” the new world religion by carefully cultivating the discipline of science and the persona of scientists as being “objective” arbiters of truth.  Bias free, contemplating, rational minds inside humble bodies supporting white lab coats, dutifully doling out truth to the masses.

And my real triumph?  I’ve changed the definition of “truth” so that in effect, the only truth permitted by ”science” and the new scientists must be, by definition, atheistic.

You don’t believe me?  Then you have never tried to make a mad scientist.

Try it.  You will see.  And then do your own research into what “science” is today, and you will find that the new paradigm is that “science” must posit only “natural” explanations for natural phenomena.

And God is not natural.

So science today is forced by the elite establishments of academia to be unnaturally atheistic regardless of the evidence.

Period.

Did you know, my friends, that over 85% of the members of the United State’s National Academy of Sciences are atheists?  And the atheists wonder openly how the other 15% got in.

Now you know why.

Please keep this information confidential; if this kingdom knowledge ever gets out my agenda could be set back to the days when God-believing scientists like Nicholas Copernicus, Sir Francis Bacon, Johannes Kepler, Galileo Galilei, Blaise Pascal, Isaac Newton, Robert Boyle, Michael Faraday, Gregor Mendel, William Thomson Kelvin, Max Planck, and Albert Einstein made ground-breaking scientific gains while openly practicing a belief in God.

Let me illustrate my great success on earth with a news article that caught my eye today.  The Telegraph reports, in an article by John Bingham entitled, “Richard Dawkins: I can’t be sure God does not exist,” on a dialog at Oxford University during which Dawkins admitted to Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams,  ”that he preferred to call himself an agnostic rather than an atheist.”

What??

Richard Dawkins, one of my premeire beelze-buds, is as this article states, “regarded as the most famous atheist in the world.”

And now he’s “agnostic”?

Now, my friends, you know if you read this blog that I, like God, believe atheists to be fools.

There are no atheists in Hell.

But agnostics!  That’s a different story.  There are also no agnostics in Hell, but true agnostics on earth often never get here.

But after reading the article, I realize Richard Dawkins is as atheistic as he always was, which is to say, that like all those who profess to be atheists, he is merely an arrogant coward who refuse to face the evident truth of nature.  (I just hope Dawkins never realizes that he can be sure God does exist.)

But atheists do help further my kingdom on earth, so I find them useful fools (and, usually quite stupid on top of that!).

Let me explain, using Dawkins as Fool in Chief.

In attempting to sound intelligent, Dawkins, according to The Telegraph article, stated to the Archbishop:

“What I can’t understand is why you can’t see the extraordinary beauty of the idea that life started from nothing – that is such a staggering, elegant, beautiful thing, why would you want to clutter it up with something so messy as a God?”

Now, my servants, read that quote more carefully (I know many of you skip over quotes).  Think about what Servant Fool Dawkins said, and learn.

The idea that life started from nothing . . . why clutter it up with God?

That, my friends, is not a scientific observation; it is a statement of faith.

The idea that anything can come from nothing is antithetical to all of science.  A true scientist would never make such a statement.  Whether “life” (as Dawkins says), or any element of matter in the universe (as Dawkins believes), science is quite clear that nothing comes from nothing.

If ever there was truly “nothing” there would still be nothing today.

That’s science.

On the contrary, Dawkin’s statement is a statement of faith.  He is expressing the necessary faith of every atheist (although most are, frankly, not intelligent enough to grasp it): In the beginning there was nothing, and then “poof” out of nothing, came something.

It is scientific nonsense, but it makes perfect sense to atheists like Dawkins.

Here’s another secret, my friends: everyone believes something unbelievable.

Either something (the universe) just appeared like magic out of nothing (an unscientific thought, but held by Dawkins), or something was created by God.

Which statement is more scientifically valid?

Yes, you are right: God.

Because science says everything that came to be must have been caused.

Aristotle, a true scientist, decided there must be an Uncaused Cause.  And he was right.

Every thinking human not hindered by a philosophical bias comes to the same conclusion as Aristotle; the evidence demands it.

But not all humans are like Aristotle.  In fact, in today’s agenda-driven, philosophically constrained philosophical environment, humans who wish to be prominent, published, scientists must first express allegiance to practical atheism before they practice science.

Human => atheist => scientist is the progression I’ve arranged on earth.  Humans like Dawkins are, as shown by his statement above, atheists second, and scientists third.  Very simply, their “science” (something can come from nothing) is dictated not by the evidence, but by their atheism.

Human => scientist => atheist is impossible.  Humans who are scientists first, observing the evidence of creation and making natural, rational inferences, can never be atheists.

Which goes to show my great ability on earth, don’t you think?

And if you try to point out the atheist’s philosophical bias they get mad.  They lecture you on your ignorance of “science” and sue you for violating separation of Christianity and state, and deny you tenure, and call you names, and start blogs about you, and sit in their circle of atheist jerks and make each other feel good.

It’s a beautiful thing, really.

Now send Mr. Dawkins a thank you note for me, will you?

He’s a doll.

Can’t wait to meet him.

And those like him.

Mad scientists all, when they come rolling in my gates.

Something from nothing.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Madness, pure madness.

Santorum out to out me; someone help me out?

Posted in Bible, christians, election, False religion, God, Government, Obama, political correctness, politics, religion, same sex marraige, Truth, worldview with tags , , on February 21, 2012 by devilbloggger

Politics.

Wow oh wow, but how things can get out of hand when I’m having fun!  Just as I’m seeing my kingdom flourish in the United States faster than even I ever imagined, along comes a knuckle-dragging, backwoods, bitter clinger of a wet blanket by the name of Rick Santorum!  Wow oh wow, how things change.

For my non-US readers, please bear with me.  The United States is going through an election year right now, and little do, er … I mean did, the boiling-frog Americans know that this election was, more than any other, a choice between policies that please moi and policies that please God.

I almost had them completely, happily, ignorantly, boiled.

But just as I thought I cold stop chopping the wood of liberal, politically correct, ungodly policies (see my last post where I was contemplating retirement!), here comes this Santorum cat saying things that have never been said by a major politician in America.  Not even in the good Christian days of the U.S. of A. did a politician so explicitly state truth to the American people.

Just today the internet’s most popular news aggregator, The Drudge Report, ran the headline: “Santorum’s Satan Warning.”

What?

Why bring moi into this?

Well, I suppose I was already in this.  But who does Santorum think he is, blowing my cover by pointing out to all the happy frogs the great fire licking the sides of their freedom pot?  According to the Drudge Report, Santorum is quoted as saying, “Satan has his sights on the United States of America!”  And,

“Satan is attacking the great institutions of America, using those great vices of pride, vanity, and sensuality as the root to attack all of the strong plants that has so deeply rooted in the American tradition.”

Wow oh wow.

Of course he’s right on all counts.  Pride, vanity, and sensuality–that just about covers it. But who would have ever thought a politician would bring me into the fray like this?

And the media?  They eat this stuff up.  According to the media Santorum is a nut job.  A religious fanatic.  A dangerous fundamentalist.

Never mind that Obama can claim that Jesus told him his tax structure was just right.  The media yawn when Obama acts like a Christian.

And do you know why?

Hmmmm?

Yes, that’s right!  You are very perceptive!  It’s because everyone in the media knows Obama doesn’t mean it.

I’ve often said that it’s not those who say they believe in God that worry me.  Everyone believes in God, even atheists believe in God; atheists are just arrogant cowards.  Hey, even I believe in God.

But what worries me are people who say they believe in God and act like it.  It’s those who take God seriously and believe his Word to be truth to live by.

Those folks scare me.

And the media.

And some are noticing.  Note the Wall Street Journal article today addressing this issue.  In the article entitled, “Sex, Lies and Rick Santorum“, author William McGurn looks at “the double standard on social issues” in the US.

McGurn provides the example of veiws on marriage:

When Barack Obama was campaigning for president in 2008, he declared that marriage is between a man and a woman. For the most part, his position was treated as a nonissue.

That’s right. But,

Now Rick Santorum is campaigning for president. He too says that marriage is between a man and a woman. What a different reaction he gets.

Right again.  And why?  McGurn explains:

There’s no mystery why. Mr. Santorum is attacked because everyone understands that he means what he says.

He means what he says!  Yes, he says he’s a Christian and acts like it!

And then McGurn dangerously exposes one of my greatest secrets:

President Obama, by contrast, gets a pass because everyone understands—nudge nudge, wink wink—that he’s not telling the truth. The press understands that this is just one of those things a Democratic candidate has to say so he doesn’t rile up the great unwashed.

Wow oh wow!

You see, my friends, the plain fact is that Santorum is a Christian, a God-believer, one who takes God seriously.

And Obama?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, sometimes I crack myself up.

But it’s not a laughing matter, my good servants.  Santorum recently called out Obama’s “radical Islamic” policies and questioned Obama’s biblical world view, for example.  And Santorum is not the only one questioning Obama’s Christianity.   Even Billy Graham’s son, Franklin, is out today saying he

“was not sure if Obama was a true Christian and that he could not definitively say that the president was not a Muslim.”

And even worse, Mr. Graham is smacking the nail of truth in one great swing by further stating with respect to Obama’s self-identification as a Christian:

“He’s come out saying that he’s a Christian,” Mr. Graham said of Mr. Obama in an interview on the MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.”  “The question is, what is a Christian?”

Wow oh wow!

What is a Christian?

My friends, let me share how it appears from my vantage point.

Mr. Santorum?  He’s a Christian.

Mr. Obama?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, if there wasn’t a good chance he might be defeated in his bid to continue ruling the United States and my kingdom on earth, it would be funny.

As it is, it’s just terrible.

Wow oh wow!

PS: For those who care, read here what I have to say in answer to “Is Obama a Christian?”  And here I write about “Obama: My Political Christian.  Enjoy!

Obama: Now I will pay for your sin

Posted in abortion, Bible, Catholic Church, christians, False religion, Government, liberals, liberty, Morality, Obama, politics, progressives, religion, taxes, Truth with tags , , on February 12, 2012 by devilbloggger

Retire.

Oh, I just might be able to retire, my friends.  Yes, retirement really never was on my mind for thousands of years, but this past week’s events in the United States [the last bastion of freedom in the world] has made me re-think my short term plans.  (My long term plans were set long ago, unfortunately.)

You see, my servants, the Obama administration has put my agenda on warp speed in forcing my will on earth as it is in Hell.

But even I had no idea that those Americans would ever reach a place where large numbers would reject a Savior’s payment for past sinful pleasures, and instead demand that a goverment pay for future sinful pleasures.

Payment for sin is exactly what the Obama administration demands in its new policies demanding that all employers, including those having a Biblically informed religious conscience, pay for the sin of its employees.

Imagine: a formerly Christian nation in which God’s remaining people are literally forced to pay for the sins of mine!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s a beautiful thing, my friends.  Can it get any better?

Well, yes, it can.

Let me explain.  I was just beaming this week, my friends, when at the National Prayer Breakfast (the what????) I saw my Self-righteous Servant Obama demand not only that taxes from the righteous should pay for the sin of heathens, but that his policy “as a Christian,” “coincides with Jesus’s teaching that ‘for unto whom much is given, much shall be required.’ ”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Seriously, now, my friends.  Do you know what I do to deceive people?

Yes, you do.  I misquote scripture, use scripture for nefarious purposes, and generally cause mass confusion and deception by picking and choosing among various scripture passages as proof texts.

Do you know how Obama deceives people?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Obama went on to emulate me by misquoting the “Golden Rule” this way, as reported at monney.cnn.com:

“And I believe in God’s command to love thy neighbor as thyself. I know a version of that golden rule is found in every major religion and every set of beliefs.”

My friends, this is not the Golden Rule.

But who knows?

Apparently very few.  And when few know scripture, anyone can use scripture for ungodly purposes.

You see, unlike Obama, my misquoting of scripture was met with a swift and certain “Get thee behind me, Satan.”

But who will stand up to Obama?

No, really, who?

Obama has mangled the Golden Rule in the past, and you can read over at the Ye Have Heard blog here.  Note Obama’s “subtle” but “significant” mangling of the Golden Rule as “treating others as they would treat me.”  (In reality, there was nothing subtle about it; the fact is Obama is scripture-illiterate and didn’t have a clue what he was saying.)  As noted by a reader:

The most succinct statement of the Golden Rule in the Bible is Luke 6:31: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

There is a subtle, but rather significant, difference between saying “[I treat] others the way they would treat me” and “[I treat] others the way I would want them to treat me.”

But no matter; Obama believes that holy scripture is part of his playground for social and political engineering.  And to make matters better, his shameless select-a-scripture has revealed two great advances of my kingdom on earth.

First, I was thrilled by how much of the ensuing noise, smoke, and diatribification was directed at a “woman’s right to health care.”  For example, the always reliable Huffington Post ran a gem entitled “Students at Catholic Colleges Protest Lack of Access to Birth Control.”  The article summarizes an 18-year old student, Keely Monroe’s, life at Fordham University as:

Single, 18-year-old female, likes having control over her own body, looking for affordable birth control.

Yes, this is just an example of the genre of medianoisemachiniszation that framed the argument as “no insurance payment for birth control = robbing women of control,” i.e., taking away women’s control over their bodies.  That is, Ms. Keely believes that the good citizens of the United States should pay for her sinful bodily choices (which she apparently can’t control), and, if they refuse, she accuses them of robbing her of her bodily control.  Another student, Sandra Fluke went as far as to say that women enrolling in Catholic universities merely “expected women to be treated equally, to have their medical needs met.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Where are the sane Americans?

Where is someone to stand up and tell Ms. Keely and Ms. Sandra to stop begging for someone else’s money and control their own friggin’ bodies or go pay for their own damn birth control?

But already too many people agree with Ms. Keely and Ms. Sandra (and Mr. Obama) that it is the place of government to offer everything to everyone for free, including payment for sin.

Oh, I smell retirement now.

The second advance in my kingdom’s goals was revealed in a Daily Caller article on this topic, with the enlightening title, Southern  Baptist Convention’s Richard Land: ‘How dumb does [Obama] think we  are?’  Mr. Land’s question came after Obama, showing he really is my servant, offered an “adjustment” to the mandate that righteous people pay for the sins of others by shifting payment obligations from employers to insurance companies.

But the delightful question answers itself.

Obama does believe you are dumb.

And he has good reason.

Because, think about it, my servants, who can stop him?

Really, who can stop him?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Who can stop me?

Retirement, here I come!

Protestants and Catholics? They’re both found in Hell.

Posted in Catholic Church, religion with tags , , , on January 16, 2012 by devilbloggger

Religion.

You know, my servants, that I’ve made “religion” a bad word, even though everyone has one.  Yes, everyone has a belief system that deals with ultimate questions, including where one goes when one dies.  What I love most are the fools who claim to have no religious beliefs, and yet will argue day and night against those with different religious beliefs.  Atheists are a prime example.  All they talk about is religion, and all they do is defend their religion against others.

But do you know what I enjoy almost as much as atheists showing themselves fools?

No?

OK, I’ll tell you.

It’s protestants and Catholics arguing among themselves, accusing one another, and condemning one another to Hell.

Yes, it’s rare that either group is so explicit, but underlying each side’s respective dialogs on religion is the underlying suspicion held by one group that most adherents of the other group are going to Hell.

Admittedly painting with a broad brush, let me summarize the view from Hell.  Protestants believe that Catholics have corrupted the simplicity of the gospel with “religion” (which is why they protested in the first place).  Protestants believe Catholicism is a religion of works, and its adherents fail to adequately understand salvation by grace through faith.   Catholics, on the other hand, although being a little slippery on this point, at a gut level believe the Catholic Church IS the church of Jesus Christ on earth, so that, by definition, one who does not belong to the Catholic Church is, by definition, going to Hell.

This tension was brought to my attention most recently by an interesting blog post over at patheos.com’s Bad Catholic blog entitled, “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus — The Smackdown.”  Written by “Marc” in response to a YouTube video with the name “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus,” the post is a well-written response by a Catholic to counter a well-done defense by a protestant of the idea that “religion” is antithetical to a relationship with Jesus, necessary for salvation.  Marc makes a good defense of “religion,” and Catholicism, which he rightfully infers, is the religion targeted in the YouTube video.

Here is what you need to know, my servants, the eternal home of human beings is not determined by labels, protestant or Catholic.  The eternal home of individual human beings is dependent upon one thing: their spiritual state on earth based on a spirit made alive by the grace of God through Jesus Christ.

Period.

There are many protestants that have never been made alive, i.e., born again by the Spirit of God.  They may be protestants on earth, but we call them friend in Hell.

And, of course, there are many Catholics that go through the motions and haven’t a clue as to the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  We do see a tendency among Catholics to rely on the outward appearances of ritual and tradition to ensure their salvation.

Here’s the bottom line, my friends: Hell is full of those who called themselves protestants and Catholics on earth.

Who is not here?

Those protestants and Catholics and anyone other “good servants” whom God calls Christians.

Obama’s “War on Religion”? Not

Posted in atheism, False religion, God, progressives, religion, Truth with tags , , on December 7, 2011 by devilbloggger

Religion.

What would a “war on religion” really look like?  I have ensured for the moment that “religion” in much of the world is associated only with theistic beliefs, especially Christianity.  In the United States, for example, the venerable “separation of church and state” is really only an excuse to separate Christianity from state.

And separate it I have.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

That’s why I found it amusing today, my friends, when I read this headline on Fox News: Perry  TV Ad: I Can Defend Faith from Obama’s “War on Religion”.

Obama’s “war on religion“?

I don’t think so, my friends.  But I’m glad others do.

You see, Obama has no beef with my religions, including those which embrace the theology of atheism.  In fact, Obama makes peace with all belief systems that reject Godly morals, Godly behavior, and Godly thinking.

His policies and public statements prove my words to all who have ears to hear and eyes to see.

Fortunately, of course, I get doubly blessed because I’ve stopped most ears and blinded most eyes.

It’s what I do.

So Governor Perry can carry on all he likes about Obama’s “war on religion.”

I just hope he and others never figure out that it’s really just a war on Truth, which is another way of saying it is merely a war on Christianity.

Because there are many religions (in fact, all but one) which I love!

Peace.  And quiet.  My friends.

What Do Jehovah’s Witnesses Witness?

Posted in Bible, christians, False religion, heresy, religion, Truth with tags , on November 16, 2011 by devilbloggger

Witness.

I hate those who witness to the glory and the resurrection of the true Jesus Christ as taught in the Bible and held by orthodox Christians.  “Witnessing” leads to conviction, which leads to faith, which leads to salvation, which leads to repentance, which leads to more witnessing.  Blechhhh!

Christians witness rarely, but when they do, all hell breaks loose.

Literally.

I hate that kind of witness.

But what about Jehovah’s Witnesses, or “JW’s” as they are called?  It seems like I would hate them too, right?

Don’t I hate Jehovah?   And don’t they witness for Jehovah?

Yes, and, well, no.  Not really.

I suppose there is a harmless way in which Jehovah’s Witnesses draw attention to God in a way that would normally irk me.  But the bottom line is that they are not robbing my kingdom of souls.

And for that, I’m thankful in a strange sort of way.

Do you know why Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t rob my kingdom of souls, my servants?

You should.

If you are a student of mine, you should know by now the tell-tale sign of all false religions, cults, philosophies, and the like.  I told you most recently in two-part series on Mormonism Part I and Part II.

Do you remember?

Right!  Very good!  As I’ve said before:

One question matters to God and me: Who do you say that Jesus is?

There is one right answer to that question, and many, many wrong answers.

This issue was addressed by Gabrielle Devenish at the Christian Post today, my friends, in an article entitled, “Cults in Culture: Jehovah’s Witnesses and End Times“.  And to my dismay, she got it right.  (I prefer that right notions of Christ and Christianity be confined to THIS blog, so that I can control who reads it, and the actions taken).

Ms. Devenish quotes many of my enemies to make her point that, like Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses have a different Jesus.  For example, she quotes Charlie Campbell, director of The Always Be Ready Apologetics Ministry, on his apologetics site as listing three areas where Jehovah’s Witnesses deny Christian teachings: hell, the doctrine of the Trinity and the deity of Jesus Christ.

No Hell?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Now that does have an impact on my kingdom, a positive impact – 91% of the people here didn’t believe in Hell, either.  Now Hell is 100% full of Hell-believing theists!

But the real giveaway as to the Jehovah’s Witnesses lack of any negative impact on my kingdom is in their denial of the Trinity and the deity of Christ, which are interconnected necessary doctrines of orthodox Christianity (the only kind there is, actually).

Ms. Devenish supports the Christian view with quotes Christian leader after Christian leader, including Ric Walston of Columbia Theological Seminary, who considers the Watchtower Society (another name for Jehovah’s Witnesses) a cult.

But what really worries me is Walston’s true views on JW’s.  Read this and weep for me:

The first thing I think that Christians should keep in mind when approaching a JW – or anyone outside of the Christian faith – is that Jesus died to save sinners, and these folks need Jesus as much as anyone. Our goal should be to reach members of the cults with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Evangelism, not conquest, should be our aim’

Now do you see why I hate true Christian witnesses?

Somebody get me an aspirin.

WWOD?

Posted in False religion, Government, liberals, political correctness, prayer, religion, Uncategorized with tags , , on November 6, 2011 by devilbloggger

WWII

Ahhhh, how times change.  Did you know, my servants, that US President Franklin D. Roosevelt prayed publicly and nationally via radio to an audience of 100 million before the D-Day invasion of Normandy in World War II?

You didn’t?

Good.

Yes, according to this LA Times article, for instance, on June 6, 1944, FDR “asked Americans to join him in praying for the troops.”  According to the LA Times, in the prayer, “the appeal to God is bold and unapologetic.”

That prayer, my friends, tore through Hell like a cyclone, catching us all off guard as it screamed through every dark crevice.

I still get shivers.

But the good news is, my servants, the shivers have changed over time.  Now they are shivers of delight in anticipation of another pending D-Day; a D-Day of the soul in which today’s US President, Barack Obama, also acts boldly and unapologetically.

Once again my friend and servant Barack Obama has answered the question of his true faith, this time by opposing the addition of FDR’s prayer to the World War II Memorial in Washington, DC.

The official reason?  (You will congratulate me, my servants) According to a FoxNews article entitled, “Obama Administration Opposes FDR Prayer at WWII Memorial,” Robert Abbey, the director of the Bureau of Land Management, said any plaque or inscription of the prayer would “dilute”  the memorial’s central message and therefore “should not be  altered.”

Just what is the “central message” of the memorial, Mr. Abbey?  And how would a bold and unapologetic, and effective prayer, dilute it?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, my servants, I am winning.

And here’s proof of my winning on earth: you need no longer ask “What Would Satan Do?”  You need only ask “What Would Obama Do?”

WWOD?

Winning!

According to the FoxNews article,

[FDR] asked God to give the allied troops courage and faith, saying, “With thy  blessing we shall prevail over the unholy forces of our enemy.”

Yes, FDR recognized “unholy forces” of the “enemy.”

Fortunately, Obama seems drawn to unholy forces and does not recognize moi, the enemy.  According to Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council (Blechhhh!),

This is further evidence that the administration has created an environment that  is hostile towards American history — but in particular towards Christianity.

And, Perkins continued,

I hope America wakes up and realizes what this  administration is doing to this country and how they want to radically and  fundamentally change America.

I hope America doesn’t.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Here comes D-Day!

WWOD?

When Bible Illiterates Control

Posted in Bible, christians, False religion, Government, liberals, politics, religion with tags , , on November 2, 2011 by devilbloggger

Illiterate.

Here’s a question for you, my servants: what’s the difference between someone who can’t read the Bible, and someone who doesn’t?  If you can answer that question correctly you are well on your way to understanding how I establish my kingdom on earth as it is in Hell.  Because the primary obstacle to my complete control on earth is the presence of the Bible in the hands of men who are not ashamed and who correctly handle the word of truth.  Blechhh!

So what’s the difference?

Right! Nothing!

There is no difference between the person who can not read the Bible and one who does not read the Bible.

I give you credit, my faithful friends; it took me years to learn that one.  For centuries I tried to destroy the Bible, ban the Bible, burn the Bible, and in every way possible try to remove the Bible from the face of the earth.  I had my kings issue edicts, my councils draw up penalties, and my lords punish publishers.

To no avail.

I failed at every effort.  Despite my worst, the Bible grew to be the perennially best-selling book of all time.  I must say, my servants, it was quite embarrassing.

And then I noticed something.  All over the earth every best-sold Bible tended more often than not to sit on a table or shelf unopened.  Comfortable Christians and those who call themselves Christians the world over bought Bibles aplenty, only to leave the holy words in the dark confines of closed pages.

So I changed my tactics, my servants.  Rather than try to stamp out the Bible, I started distracting Christians.  Sometimes I used the deceitfulness of riches and the cares of this world, sometimes I used trials and tribulations.  In either instance, 9 times out of 10, the Christian left the Bible unopened.

Today, even in many churches across Western cultures the Bible remains unopened.

I’m good. I’m really good. (And humble).

And when Christians leave their Bibles unopened, the culture at large becomes Bible illiterate.  And a Bible illiterate culture moves like water downhill to a culture that does my will on earth.

Let me give you an example that made us laugh down here today, my servants.  According to an AFP story in Yahoo!News entitled, Obama: God backs jobs plan, President Obama, who I can assure you rarely reads the Bible for meaning, said today that “even God wanted to put Americans back to work.”

Now, of course God does want Americans working, but what is President Obama doing channeling what God “wants”?  Since when does Obama care what God wants?  What, Father Obama do you think God wants for unborn children?  What, Rabbi Obama, do you think God wants with respect to the marriage covenant?

Huh?

In fact, Obama’s clumsy Biblificity came in the same breath as he rebuked Congress for passing a bill reaffirming the US motto “In God We Trust”!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But it gets better, my friends.

Obama further showed his theological mala fides as he exposed his Bibleignoranimity by stating:

I trust in God, but God wants to see us help ourselves by putting people back to work.

Just where does God say this, Rev. President?

The fun got funner when Obama’s spokesman, Jay Carney, denied that Obama had gone too far in ignorantly representing a God he does not know, by clarifying:

I believe that the phrase from the Bible is ‘the Lord helps those who help themselves’.

Actually, Brother Carney, that phrase is not in the Bible.

And now the funner fun gets even more funnerific.  Right Reverend Carney, according to a Politico.com story, is quoted in the full quote as saying:

Well, I believe the phrase from the Bible is, “The Lord helps those who help themselves.” And I think the point the President is making is that we should — we have it within our capacity to do the things to help the American people.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you see what is happening, my friends?

Remember a person who does not read a Bible is no different from a person who does not have a Bible.

Here we have two Bible illiterates trying to invoke the Bible for a liberal talking point.  Not only do Obama and Carney “quote” a non-Biblical truth as Biblical, Carney then uses the non-Biblical quote to stand for the exact opposite proposition!

What Carney said:  “God helps those who help themselves. Therefore, we must help the people (because apparently God does not).”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And these people control your country, you Americans.

Close.

We are very close to my will on earth as it is in Hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Are Mormons Christians? (Part II)

Posted in christians, False religion, God, religion, theology, Truth with tags , , on October 19, 2011 by devilbloggger

Different. Jesus.

Question, my servants. (Think about this, and marvel at my genius (and my humility)).  Why did the apostle Paul warn his readers at the church in Corinth against those who preach a “different Jesus than the Jesus [he] preached”?

Hmmm?

I could tell you the answer, but I would rather you think for yourself and realize the answer.  I’ll wait while you ponder a minute.

You couldn’t even ponder a minute? Oh well, let me explain a bit.  But, as usual, this is kingdom knowledge and is to be treated as such.

Consider: could it be that there were others, even in Paul’s time, who were preaching a different Jesus?

A different Jesus?

Yes, my servants, as I alluded to above, one mark of my true genius is how I learned early on that I could screw up minds, cause false religions to multiply, and generally foil the work of God on earth (at least that’s what I like to think), by leading people astray from a sincere and pure devotion to God.  And the secret I found was so simply devilish, even I was surprised at its effectiveness.  I merely go about confusing people’s minds on who Jesus is.

Really, it’s that easy.

There is one right Jesus, the Jesus of the Bible; the Jesus of orthodox Christianity.

And there are many, many, many wrong Jesuses.  I’m quite prolific in my sowing of false notions, wishful thinking, twisted doctrine, and I’m the master of general lying and deceiving on this matter.

It is my top priority.

Once people have the wrong Jesus, the rest of their theology typically tends to other wrong (and often weird) notions that always take up endless amounts of time to refute.  I ensure that Christians, for example, argue over whether Mormons wear special underwear (and why), whether Mormons use the Bible as sole inspiration (and why not), whether Mormons believe in Heaven as portrayed in the Bible, whether Mormons believe in this that and the other.

But the key to determining if a religion like Mormonism represents God’s truth embodied in the Christian Church, like I said before, can be answered by merely checking how it answers one question: “Who do men say that I (Jesus) am?”

Recall that in Part I last week I told you what the Bible says about who Jesus is, and this Jesus is the Jesus of traditional, orthodox Christianity.  I tell you this truth for the sole purpose of showing how crafty I am in promulgating false Jesuses and non-Christian religions on earth.

Remember the question, “Are Mormons Christians”?

Now, do you see how to answer this question?

No?

Arghhhh.  How long must I put up with you, my servants? You show so little ability to think for yourselves.

Listen, it’s easy.  If a religion claims to be “Christian” but actually preaches a different Jesus, then that religion is not (and can not be) Christian.  Adherents to a different-Jesus-religion can call themselves Christians, but that doesn’t change the truth of the matter.

Hey, if I called myself a Christian, would that make me a Christian?  (And I even know the true Jesus!)

Recall from Part I:

Christians have the right answer: Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, fully God and fully man in one person, and will be so forever.

More simply: Jesus is God.  Jesus is the Second Person of the one God, the Holy Trinity.

Got it?  You can argue with me all you want, but you are wrong.  The Jesus of traditional, orthodox, Christianity (there is no other kind) is God, the uncreated second person of the Trinity.  I could give you chapter and verse, but I prefer you look it up yourself.  Don’t be lazy.  (Not that there’s anything against lazy, of course; Hell is full of lazy people.  Hot, sorry lazy people, but lazy nonetheless.)

So the question is simple: Is the Jesus of Mormonism the Jesus of Christianity?

First, consider that according to the Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry (CARM), President Hinkley, the prophet and revelator of the Mormon church, has publicly declared that the Jesus of Mormonism and traditional Christianity are not the same.

Hinkley is right, of course, because, as CARM documents:

In Mormonism, Jesus is a creation, the product of relations between god and his goddess wife who used to be people from another world (McConkie, Bruce, Mormon Doctrine, p. 192, 321, 516, 589).   Jesus is the literal spirit brother of the devil and of you and I (McConkie, p. 192, 589).

Yo, bro!  Where’s my birthday card!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

A different Jesus indeed!

So, is Mormonism a Christian religion?

Of course not.  It is definitionally impossible.

But are Mormons (individually) Christians?

Possibly.

But if they are, it is in spite of Mormon teachings, not due to them.

Remember a person’s Christianity is not determined by self-applied labels, religious affinity, good works, clean living or otherwise being churchified.  These are all my lies of deception to make people comfortable in thinking they are worthy of Heaven.

But a person’s Christianity is determined solely by the heart change rendered by the grace of God upon sincere faith in the true Jesus, the Jesus Paul preached.

True Jesus, Christian.

False Jesus, not Christian.

My job and yours, my good servants, is to ensure that as many people as possible believe in no Jesus, or at least in a false Jesus.  I don’t care if they then call themselves Christian or not, the truth of the matter is that I’ve deceived them and taken them captive.

And I’m doing quite well; Hell is full of people who called themselves Christian on earth. 

Well, not quite full.

There’s always room for some more bro’s.  We love to watch the bro’s as they fill out Hell’s pre-processing form, where in answering the question “why are you here?” they have to check the box for “Wrong Jesus”.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Are Mormons Christians? (Part I)

Posted in christians, False religion, gospel, religion, Truth with tags , on October 12, 2011 by devilbloggger

Mormons.

Mitt Romney, one of the Republican party nominees for US president seems to be taking lots of heat from some circles because he’s a Mormon.  The big question being batted around in a confused, muddled manner by anyone who self-identifies as an expert is this: Are Mormons Christians?

What do you think?

Hey, did you know that it doesn’t matter what you think?

Ha ha ha ha ha. (Think about it–truth is not changed by what you think about it!)

Mormons are either Christians or not regardless what you, or others, or 61% of those surveyed, or what Baptist pastors, or what Mormons themselves say.

So are they?

The answer is easy.  But to get to a meaningful answer one needs to define terms precisely.  And of course, my job on earth is to confuse, deceive, and generally screw up words and definitions so that a clear answer gets confounded in a religious mumbo-jumbo of theoillogical thinking and religobabble.

You see, the theoillogicalistic religobabbleationism of culture tends to deem as “Christian” anyone who claims to be a Christian, who is A Good Person, who pays lip service to The Bible, who claims to Follow Jesus, who goes to A Church, and who lives A Moral Life.

Only one problem: Hell is full of such people.

So are they?

Consider with me, my servants, the recent story in my Huffington Post religion section entitled, “Mitt Romney’s Mormonism: Pastors Say Mormons Not Christians, But Defend Candidate Against Attacks,” by Jaweed Kaleem.    Kaleem reports:

After prominent Texas megachurch pastor Rev. Robert Jeffress told audiences on Friday that Mormonism is a “cult” and conservative Christian activist Bryan Fischer took the stage the next day to echo similar views, a new survey released Saturday afternoon says that three out of four pastors agree, at the least, that Mormons are not Christians.

Three out of four, you say?  That’s pretty good odds.  Is that how truth is determined?  What if only one out of four believed Mormons are not Christians?  Would that change the truth of the matter?

Truth by consensus.  That’s my way, my servants.

But you know, if you have been a faithful reader, to expect more from moi.  Let me tell you the truth of the matter so that you need not be confused yourselves, but can nevertheless sow confusion all about your circle of influence.

For starters, one must forget magic underwear, multiple wives, miraculous spectacles, golden plates, Joseph Smith, missing civilizations, and all the other easy distractions of Mormonism.

One question matters to God and me: Who do you say that Jesus is?

There is one right answer to that question, and many, many wrong answers.

Christians have the right answer: Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, fully God and fully man in one person, and will be so forever.

More simply: Jesus is God.  Jesus is the Second Person of the one God, the Holy Trinity.

Every other belief system or religion has a different answer, which is, by definition, a wrong answer.

If one answers the question any differently than do Christians, that person is not a Christian.

Simple.

The question is, therefore, how would a Mormon answer the question: Who do you say that Jesus is?

Look it up.

And then state the answer in the comments below.

Then the answer will become self-evident.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

(More on this and how I’ve totally screw up the debate later . . . )

Obama is Panderific

Posted in Bible, christians, liberals, Obama, political correctness, politics, religion with tags , , on September 25, 2011 by devilbloggger

Pander.

I love to cater to or profit from the weaknesses or vices of others.  Did you know that?  Of course you did.  I look for the weak, the vulnerable, the discouraged.  And when I find them, do you know what I do?  I woo them into a false sense of security in my lies and deceit.  And when I have them wrapped up in a dependent state of false security, I do everything I can to destroy them.

It’s who I am.

My yoke is hard, my burden is heavy.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

So you know, my servants, that I gain great satisfaction when I see an earthly servant emulate my genius, and I saw it today.  Yes, I witnessed a politician in full pander mode.  And not only was this a beautiful example of pandery at it’s best, the panderific panderification was done by no less than His Majesty (that always gets a laugh down here), Barack Obama, US President and Panderer in Chief.

I’m referring to a story that ran in the Washington Times today, my servants.  Joel Gehrke’s commentary in Beltway Confidential entitled, “Obama asks CBC for Biblical faith in his agenda,” chronicles Obama’s latest attempt at pulling off one of the oldest tricks in the book (after all, it is my trick, and I am by definition one of the oldest tricksters around): pandering.

But Obama, believing he can excel where others merely imitate, pandered awkwardly by appealing to the religious faith of black voters.  You see, whenever an unbeliever (in God) tries to act like a believer (in God) the dissimulation always makes the actor look a bit silly and disingenuous, like a student who failed to read an assignment attempting to answer a teacher’s question.  What must seem like a great performance to the student appears pathetic to everyone else.

According to Gehrke’s commentary,

President Obama made an appeal to the religious faith of black voters at a Congressional Black Caucus rally, likening Biblical prophets who had faith in God — and so refused to worship an idol — to the black voters who “keep the faith” by supporting him and his policies – and, he hopes, his reelection campaign.

Obama, who had already told blacks to “stop complainin’“, must think that no one can see his pandereligosophistry.  He went so far as to analogize faith in him to the faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, three captive Jews who were thrown in a fiery furnace because they would not worship according to the policies of their particular pandering political leader.

Huh?

Well, Obama, who I ensure has no concept of true faith in God, clumsily continued that analogy, equating, as Gehrke wrote:  the Jews’ “faith in the things not seen” to the more mundane “belief that if you persevere a better day lies ahead.”

You see what I mean?  Not a clue.

Let me clue you in, my servants.  The faith of the Jews was not a faith in some foggy “things not seen;” it was a faith in a living God, a God whose decrees must be kept even unto the point of death under a contrary political regime.   They were not persevering for “better days ahead.”  Their faith was a faith to die for.

I hate those with the faith of those three captive Jews.  That faith produced a fourth Person in that fiery furnace, and that faith continues to produce that Person among any two or three gathered today .  I could not stand against that Person then, and I cannot stand against that Person today.

Obama, because I’ve made him Bible illiterate, further trivialized the Jews so-called faith “in things unseen” as “crazy faith.”  And Obama, because I’ve also made him God-illiterate, trivialized himself by analogizing “crazy faith” in him to “crazy faith” in God.

My oh my, I am good. 

I’m crazy good.

And because most people in the US are also Bible and God illiterate, Obama’s vain foolishness goes almost unnoticed.  Which is good, because rarely do my lies and deceptions get such blatantly pathetic public display. Such obvious, awkward attempts at religisopolitcalpanderifity tend to work against my kingdom goals.

Worse yet, in this case, where Obama’s duplicity did get noticed, it got noticed by someone not fooled.  As Gehrke concluded:

The only “kind of crazy” on display in this speech is the one that says faith in Obama’s policies is kind of like faith in God.

He’s right.

That’s why I hope Gehrke’s view does not get broader press coverage.

Crazy, man.

HT to Weasel Zippers!

I wish Christians would just stay in church buildings

Posted in Government, liberty, politics, religion, secular humanism, separation of church and state, Truth, Uncategorized with tags on September 22, 2011 by devilbloggger

Home churches.

You know, I’m sure, that I hate homes.  And you know that I hate churches (at least churches of people who worship the true God).  So can you imagine my horror at the prospect of a church in someone’s home?

Blechhhh!

It took me almost 300 years, my servants, to push churches of Godpunk Jesus worshippers out of homes and into special buildings called “churches.”  I successfully moved large numbers of people from a personal setting into impersonal buildings and effectively changed the meaning of the term “church” from an assembly of people into the name of a special-purpose building.

I’m good, I know.

No, really, I know.

But, my servants, as you may know, the phenomena of “home churches” has had something of a resurgence over the last couple of decades.  In China, in Africa, even in the United States of Pervertia, it seems that people who love God instead of me are rediscovering the power of small meetings close to friends and neighbors.

And I don’t like it.

Which is why, my servants, I was delighted to read in today’s news out of Los Angeles (those what???) a story that chilled my heartless being.  In a story entitled, OC Couple Threatened With $500-Per-Meeting Fines for Home Bible Study, I read about my servants on earth doing my will on earth: stopping home churches.

For my non-American friends, “OC” is “Orange County” which is where Los Angeles, the city of my angels, is located.  And get this, those Godpunk scoflaws, by the names of Chuck and Stephanie Fromm, live in San Juan Capistrano, which according to the news story:

. . . was founded as a mission in the late 1700s by Catholic priest Junipero Serra, who established a local chapel that remains the oldest standing building in California.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it!

I’m winning!

City officials already fined the Fromm’s  $300 earlier this month for holding what the city officials called “a regular gathering of more than three people.”

Three people?  Hmmm.  I wonder where they got that number from?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

They should make it two people, because wherever two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name . . .

I’ll work on that.

For now, my servants, be assured that I am diligently working through those who do my will on earth to shut down these insidious gatherings. 

And do you know why?

Of course you do, but let me tell you anyway.

Because small gatherings of God lovers, intent on loving those around them, accepting those unlike them, and ministering to those in need, have the potential to rip my kingdom apart.

I don’t like big churches of large numbers of people.  Because honestly, most of those have little impact on my kingdom.  But these little guerrilla groups of committed Christians embedded in neighborhoods like little cells of praying and doing kingdom destroyers?

Those I must stop.

Fortunately, I have my little helpers in the form of “city officials” who I can call on to enforce my will.

And no one can stop them ultimately, because I’m turning cities and officials across the globe to do my will on earth.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Memories of 9/11

Posted in multiculturalism, political correctness, religion, secularism with tags , , , , on September 10, 2011 by devilbloggger

Memories.

Yes, I have memories of 9/11 just like everyone else.  Fond memories, in fact.  It was one of my better days on earth. Killing, stealing, and destroying all in one big, burst of eye-riveting, televised extravaganza of devilish destruction.

Ah, yes, fond memories.  Rarely has my work on earth produced such lasting fruit for my kingdom.

Let me share a few with you, my servants, including the best memory, which I’ve saved for last.

I remember the terror imposed on an entire planet by a few of my handmaidens (they hate it when I refer to them as “my handmaidens”).

I remember with great satisfaction the desperate phone calls from the confused and terrified innocents inside the burning buildings and the doomed airplanes.

I remember basking in my success of the moral conundrums of the media and political elite as they strove to avoid using words like “evil” and “wrong,” except against “religion” in the abstract.

I remember provoking many to steer the collective conversation to one about “religious extremists” and how extremists can be found in “every religion,” and so “religion” must be suspect everywhere.

I remember my delight in seeing the dancing in the Arab streets in celebration of our common goal.

I remember, unfortunately, the seemingly unlimited number of men who fearlessly charged into the World Trade Center to rescue those inside.  I remember thinking to myself, who are these men among modern men?  I rarely see such selfless bravery in men anymore.  Same for those men among men who moved with “Let’s Roll” on Flight 93.  Of course, I got them all as well, although now that I think about it, I don’t recall ever seeing them down here.

I remember the short-lived attention of many to spiritual matters.   So many people began praying for the first time that for a moment I panicked, thinking that maybe my plan would ironically backfire.  Fortunately, in almost every case, people soon went back to their prayer-less lives.  The few that didn’t fail to outweigh my destructive success.

But here’s what I remember with the greatest delight: the surprised looks on the smirking faces of those 19 al-Queda badboywusses when they came tumbling into my eternal presence.   Mohamed Atta, Marwan al-Shehhi, Ziad Jarrah  Khalid al-Mihdhar Nawaf al-Hazmi, Hani Hanjour and all the others–smug smirks quickly turned to wide-eyed confusion.

I remember Mohamed Atta swaggering up first, looking around, as if he was expecting to find something else.

I remember to this day the shock in all their faces when I told them, “Sorry, little prettyboy pukes, but we’re clean out of virgins down here.  It’s just me.”

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Why am I not a Christian?

Posted in christians, evangelisim, religion, theology, Truth with tags on September 7, 2011 by devilbloggger

Christian.

Blechhh!  I hate the word Christian.  I hate people who are Christians.  I hate hearing Christians praying to God.  I even have a general distaste for those who are not Christians, but who call themselves Christians (and there’s a whole boatload of those folks!)

And do you know why I hate Christians?

I’ll tell you if you promise to not tell anyone else.

Promise?

OK.

I hate Christians because they are so much like me, but I’m not their leader. 

Surprised?

You shouldn’t be.  Pay attention:

Christians believe in God.

I believe in God (and tremble, but don’t let that get out).

Christians believe Jesus is the Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; by whom all things were made. 

I believe Jesus is the Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of his Father before all worlds, God of God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; by whom all things were made.  I know I was made by him, and I’ve spoken directly with him.  And he defeated me and my death.

Christians believe Jesus Christ came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary and was made man.

I believe Jesus Christ came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary and was made man.  I was there when he was born and realized that God had found a way to get a human being on earth without being tainted by Adam’s sin.  Genius!  And I recognized right away that I must kill him.  I started by trying to kill him via King Herod in Bethlehem. 

Christians believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, rounding out the Holy Trinity.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, rounding out the Holy Trinity.  I caused Ananias and Sapphira to lie to the Holy Spirit who, in that episode, was called God by the apostles. 

Christians believe the Bible is the word of God.

I believe the Bible is the word of God.  I’ve memorized it, and use it all the time in my work on earth.

Christians believe that Adam’s sin tainted the entire human race, so that every human born of the seed of man is born into sin.

I believe that Adam’s sin tainted the entire human race, so that every human born of the seed of man is born into sin.  I was responsible for Adam’s sin, and it is that sin by which I keep men enslaved.

Christians believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ.  It was my clutches of death that he escaped, leading the captives free. 

Christians believe that salvation comes by faith through grace, as a gift of God to those who believe.

I believe that salvation comes by grace through faith, as a gift of God to those who believe.  That’s why I try to steal the seed of God’s word from the ground of men’s hearts as soon as it is sewn.

Christians believe in the return of Christ at the second coming, and in eventual judgment of all people, including me, who will be forever banished with the unbelievers in the Lake of Fire.

I believe in the return of Christ at the second coming, and in eventual judgment of all people, including me, who will be forever banished with the unbelievers in the Lake of Fire.  That’s why I operate with a sense of urgency, roaming the earth seeking whom I may devour.

You get the idea, right?  Basically, I believe everything Christians believe.  I believe in God and I believe Jesus is the Christ, the savior of all who believe in him. 

So here’s a question:  Why am I not a Christian?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 116 other followers

%d bloggers like this: