Did you see, my servants, that the Pope tweeted for the first time? I’ve been tweeting for months now. What took him so long?
According to the AP report, Pope Benedict tweeted:
Dear Friends, I just launched News.va Praised be our Lord Jesus Christ! With my prayers and blessings, Benedictus XVI.
Hey, he was 22 characters short of perfect with that. Did you notice?
But this signals a new front in the battle for hearts and minds, my servants. I urge you to ignore all tweets from the Pope, and never, never visit his newly launched website, www.News.va.
I almost always succeed in leveraging technology for my purposes. Television, computers, smartphones … you name it, I usually own it.
Look how television has changed since its widespread inception. What once showed wholesome, uplifting, and meaningful content now shows soft porn, shallow dramas, and general idiocy.
Ha ha ha ha ha. I own television.
Computers and the internet were developed to speed communication, provide a channel for widespread information dissemination, and general good for mankind. Now it is used for every evil purpose, including soft and hard porn, illicit virtual hook ups among married people, and a channel for visual depiction of every evil of mine.
Ha ha ha ha ha. I almost own the internet.
Now I’m working on smartphones, ensuring that they come porn-enabled for everyone, including children, and causing all God-positive apps to be removed. I’m working to make sure that all apps either promote Godless lifestyles and thinking, and/or promote idleness in mindless games.
Ha ha ha ha ha. I’m working on owning smartphone technology, including apps.
But having the Pope tweeting represents a minor setback to the advancement of my virtual kingdom on earth. Fortunately few will likely read his posts and fewer still will heed his words.
As for me, my friends, I count on you to guarantee that I have more Twitter followers than the Pope. That’s a large order to fill, I know. He has many more people who believe in his existence than do I.
So spread the word, my servants. Tell people about MY website and follow MY tweets.
But in any event, at least on this point I can say that I beat the Pope.