Thank you for two great years of “devilbloggging” but I’ve decided to move on to other things.  As I mentioned last year at the 1-year anniversary, Satan’s Blog was something of an experiment for me, and I committed from the beginning to one year.  Last year I decided to continue, but two years is enough.  It’s been fun.  I hope it’s been both entertaining and seriously thought-provoking.  All in all it was not a bad run.  I am pushing up against 90,000 page views, with over 2000 comments.  I have 106 subscribers (thank you to each of you!) and 102 Twitter followers (yee-hah!).

But, alas, all good things must come to an end.  I will give up the “bloggingsatan” URL, but this blog will continue to live at www.devilbloggger.wordpress.com for your reading enjoyment.  I will keep my gmail account, which is devilbloggger (at)  gmail.  (note there are 3 g’s!)

One last gasp of possibility: if any of my wonderful readers have connections in the publishing industry, and could convince a “real” publisher (as opposed to self-publishing, POD, etc.) to publish and distribute into bookstores ”The Best of Satan’s Blog” I can compile a book-length collection of the best posts.  And I might reconsider blogging.   Let me know.  Have the publisher contact me.

So long.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, my good servants and friends, did you hear the one about the lazy poll taker?  The one about the American pollster who boldly predicted what people “would” do based on what people “did” do?  No?  Well, it’s true.  This guys got a good gig going.  At least until he gets caught.  So, please, my servants, treat this post as private between you and me, and I’ll explain.

First, let me ask you a question.  You are all above average, so will all probably know this, but let me ask anyway: what’s the difference between someone who says he doesn’t believe in God, and someone who says he does, but acts like he doesn’t?

Hmmmm?

Yes, that’s right!  Nothing!

I see them every second of every day.  Scared, surprised faces of those who said one thing on earth and acted another thing.

I call them functional atheists, those pious souls on earth who went about saying “Lord, Lord” (and some even prophesy in his name, cast out devils (yikes!), and do many wonderful works), but didn’t do the Lord’s work.

Do you know what God calls them?

Fools!

Hey, wait a minute–the Bible calls the man who says in his heart there is no God a fool, AND Jesus calls those who hear his sayings but don’t do them fools.

Coincidence?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see, my servants, the beautiful deception I’ve worked?  It’s not what a man says with his mouth, it’s what a man believes in his heart.  And what is in the heart will always be worked out in corresponding deeds.

Consider: if I said I believed in God with my mouth, but said in my heart there is no God, what would be my public position, on say, abortion rights?  Homosexual marriage?  The rule of law?  Forced confiscation of property to fund unGodly policies?  Traditional, conservative values?  Whether or not a Chick-fil-a could open in Tolerant Town?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Get it?  My world is full of functional atheists–those who differ from atheists only in what they say with their mouth.

Now, let me show you how this works out practically.

A USA Today poll just out shows “that 54% of those asked said they would vote a ‘well-qualified’ atheist in the Oval Office” (the US’s office of the presidency).

And guess what percentage of the vote Barack Obama got for president in 2008?  Take a look at what CNN reported:

Ha ha ha ha ha.  (Close enough!)

It’s no wonder, my friends that other polls show that most Americans can’t name Obama’s religion.  What religion?

Pollsters?

No, just confirming what is true but no one knew it.

Unknown truth.

I like that.

Surely by now, my friends, you have had time to reflect on what, but for God’s (blechhh!) grace to the graceless left (in both senses of the word) in America, would be normal: the killing of innocent big people.  Yes, those twelve (or thirteen, or fourteen) big people were in the wrong place at the wrong time; and, yes, they did not deserve to die; and, yes, their killer acted with the full intention of killing as many as he could.  And yes, my servants, I am ultimately to blame.

Some of you fret–even my Temptress dared to question my judgment on this.  But fear much, my servants, I may not be the smartest being in the universe, but I do have a plan.  At the risk of divulging kingdom secrets, I’ll tell you what it is.

You must promise to keep this confidential.  Look around.  Is anyone we can’t trust in the room?  If so, casually switch back to email or something until they leave.

Gone?

OK.  My faithful readers know that I have particular designs on America.  America was truly the land of the free and the home of the brave for generations.

America was founded on a Biblical ethos that produced the most solid, grounded, morally upright people on the planet.  Even the millions who claimed to not believe in God grew up in a cultural sea of moral right and wrong.  Traditional, cultural institutions of the land continually reinforced inner moral compasses by instilling Biblically grounded values.

Of course, we cannot have that, can we, Temptress and friends?

No.

So what was I to do?

I had to systematically remove the collective conscience of a moral people.  I had to slowly transform a generally moral society into a society that values “toleration” and hates “judgment.”  I had to remove from America what made America great: its underlying sense of a transcendent right and wrong based in a person to whom somehow and in some way everyone was ultimately responsible.

And this is just what I did.

Consider: do you think James Holmes ever prayed in a public school?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you think James Holmes ever heard the name of God in public except to be ridiculed or treated as a throw back believed only by the morally weak and naive?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you think James Holmes was ever in a Christmas play?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you think James Holmes ever heard the name of Jesus Christ in public except to be used as in vain?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you think James Holmes was ever taught anything in public school except that he was an accidental product of blind nature?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you think James Holmes ever saw a TV show or a movie where the subject of religion and/or God was treated with reverence?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you think James Holmes ever saw a court of law uphold God’s law in the area of sexual expression?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you get it, my servants?

James Holmes is the natural, predictable product of a post-modern, post-Christian, and post-Constitutional America!

The only wonder (and I do wonder) is why there are not innumerably more James Holmses!

James Holmes kills twelve big people and it’s treated as a tragedy.  Twelve big people in the wrong place at the wrong time; twelve big people who did not deserve to die; killed by a killer acting with the full intention of killing as many as he could.

Hmmm . . . sounds a lot like abortion when I put it that way.

But in that theater it was only big people.

But twelve is considered a big number because it’s still considered wrong to kill big people.

I’ll fix that soon, my friends.  But let me illustrate my genius.

I use killings like those in Aurora, Colorado to test my system, to check if my plan is working out.

And it is.

In all the hand wringing and soul-searching in the media, did you hear one person suggest that America needs to get back on the right moral track?

Did you hear one person suggest that we, as a society, need to get back to moral basics so that we can grow better men?

Grow better men???

Fundamentally different men, with a proper understanding of God’s moral law?

A generation of men who are taught that they are created equal and live under a God who sees all and holds all men responsible?

A land of men who know right from wrong, with toleration and judgment excercised in proper balance?

Such notions sound foreign, don’t they?

That’s my genius, my friends.  Give me credit.

Instead of considering the true reasons for the James Holmses of the land, the Americans started immediately crying about “gun control.”

My friends, let the Americans focus on gun control.  What they are blind to is that guns are merely a tool in the hands of a man raised to do my will on earth because he knows no better.

What Americans should be focusing on is growing better men.

But that’s impossible without God.

So I win, my friends.

I win.

Don’t I?

I usually would not confront you in such a public forum in front of lowly human sheeple.  Normally we would have a secret meeting and we would ‘hash’ things out between you and me.

And usually, I would TRY not to confront you very often anyway because normally we are on the same page, right?

WELL, WE’RE NOT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!  GRRRRRRRR!!!!!

What the heaven are you trying to prove by inspiring some gunman to reveal so many of our intentions in such an obvious fashion by shooting a bunch of kids in a movie theater??

I was going about my usual business, trying to slyly seduce those young uns’ with some soft porn previews.  You know, so that when they left the theater, at least they had some nice images in their heads to add to all the other ones… the slow, wide road… you know… remember that?!

Now everyone, even our media, is calling this an “evil act.”  EVIL?!  Do we want people walking around talking about you?  Talking about evil?  Putting two and two together and figuring out that a culture of death where we can (hee hee) kill children in the womb leads to open killing with no remorse of the already born??!!  Do we want people to wake up to truth?  Because that’s what it looks like to ME.  Please explain…

(Ahem.)  Well, I am afraid my pride gets the better of me, my Master.  But I will not ask for your forgiveness.  Because you don’t offer that sort of thing anyway.

But it’s looking like we are a kindgom divided.  And I need some comfort.  Please… I beg of you… comfort me, Master.  I am beyond distress over this obvious revelation of our plan to destroy humans, and then the subsequent “forgiving and love” (blecchhh!) going on by victims… and all this “God” talk.

Oh, DO comfort me and tell me we are winning SOMEwhere…

Yours,

Temptress

Atheists have disappointed me again, my servants.  Yes, those fools simply do not know how to act like they don’t believe in
God.  In fact, they prove that they are actually like me–they are not atheists; they are theophobes.  They simply hate God.

Hating God is a good start, but then the little fools go off and act like there is a God.  My desire is that God-haters act like God haters and stop acting like there is actually a transcendent morality that governs their behavior.

What?, you ask.

Let me use a recent article in the Washington Post to illustrate, my good but naive servants.  The On Faith section of the Washington Post recently ran a piece entitled, “Do Atheists Have a Sexual Harassment Problem?“

It seems that those free-thinking mindslaves have a meeting coming up called The Amazing Meeting, or TAM.  And do you know what is amazing about it?  There are many less womenfolk attending this year than last.

Yes, it seems that the atheistically inclined babes aren’t so free thinking about, well, being treated like babes.  The atheist dames resent the blatant sexism displayed in previous meetings of the morally free.

Amazing.

Right?

But rest assured, my good friends.  The menfolk have noticed, and, according to the Post, are “asking whether they have a sexual harassment problem.  And, if so, what should be done?”

Yes, that is the question: “what should be done?”

And the foolish theophobes behind The Amazing Meeting came up with exactly the wrong answer.

You see, the question reflects the age-old question about what ought to be.

And the question of what ought to be is rational only (even to free thinkers) if there is a moral standard.  Otherwise, nothing ”ought” to be, everything just is because it is.

Do you get it, my servants?

No?

Listen, the very fact that the atheistictheophobicmindslaves asked the question of what ought to be done reveals that they know, they know, that there is a right and wrong about sexual harassment.

But where does this right and wrong come from?

From other men?  If so, why should atheist men care?  From other women?  So why should atheist women care (most of them need not worry about unwanted touches anyway)?

No, my friends.  If it was just other men or women who set the standard atheists feel compelled to live by, they could easily ignore it.

But because these cowardly theophobes know in their hearts, even their conscience, that there is a right and wrong to this issue, they instituted a sexual harassment policy.

Cowards.   Hypocrites.  Fools.

It they were truly atheists, in answer to the question “what should be done?” they would have answered “Whatever the damn hell we want to do; who are you to tell us what to do?”

After all, who says sexual harassment is wrong?

Who?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, those atheist fools.  I love them, but they are still fools and they sometimes make me laugh.

But they make me laugh in a sad way.

I wish they would stop being cowards, and live like true atheists and God haters.

Like me.

But, alas, like me they are not really atheists.

Sigh.

What a great week I’m having, my good friends.  I know you all heard that the United States Supreme Court recently ruled that the US’s “ObamaCare” is constitutional.  Right?  Did you celebrate?  So did I, my friends, so did I.  This was one time that I really thought my Supreme Reliables would let me down.  After a long history of finalegalitification of my kingdom goals, I knew (as did most others) this law to be so blatantly unconstitutional as to cause a losing setback.  But, by moi, if those trisksterific tricksters didn’t come through after all!

All is progressing well in my earthly kingdom, my servants.

I thought I would use the afterglow of this great victory to briefly let you in on how I got the Americans to a place where they let ”limited government” become just “government.”  It is an exciting story, not only because it stars moi, but also because it was so easily preventable.  And this is not primarily about the wisdom, prudence, or tragedy (take your pick) of ObamaCare.  It is ultimately a story about sovereignty squandered.

Squandered.

Do you know what it means to be “sovereign” my friends?  Yes, you probably have a good idea.  It means the ultimate “who sez” in any sphere of human involvement and interaction.  Everyone obeys an ultimate “who sez;” humans will always be subject to (and subjected to) a “who” whether they like it or not.  Families, for example, were created with a definite “who” as the ultimate “sezer.”  The sphere of employment, the military, the church, and every other social structure functions properly only when there is a definite and proper ”who” behind any “sezes.”

And what about government, my friends?  Well, let me key you in on some kingdom truths that have worked for me, my servants.

Listen up.

Remember, my friends, I started out that very first social structure by putting into that little pretty’s head one simple question: “who sez?”

And ever since my initial success under that fruit tree I have tried to ensure that every family, every church, every government, indeed, even every individual becomes divided over the issue of “who sez?”

Somebody will always rule over man’s life.

The question of government presents a particularly tricky problem for God and me (mostly God), because, of course, God and I both want to rule over man.

Yes, government (meaning the “state” or other municipal or national leaders to order society) has a proper place in the affairs of men.   But I know that the “proper place” is extremely difficult in a world of passionate human beings who love to lord over other human beings.  And I manipulate this difficulty to my advantage.

In fact, as you know from history, I actually experience little difficulty in eventually devolving every form of human government into some form of tyranny.

Kings, princes, rulers.  All eventually succumb to a sinful world’s demands to enforce tyranny, even if for supposedly noble purposes.

But tyranny nonetheless.

It’s a beautiful thing.

That’s why, my servants, I must confess that the American Experiment scared the . . . , well, the heck out of moi.

Yes, the living heck.

Do you know why?

If you are an American, you should.  But I bet you don’t.

I’ll tell you, even though even now it makes me shiver.

Those Americans served up a double whammy.  First, their Experiment was founded on a Biblical worldview.  That is to say, America was founded by and  among a people that largely believed in a true, transcendent, living God.  In time this foundation upheld what could be fairly described as a Christian nation.

Blechhhhh!

Now, that first whammyfier is an undeniable truth that is often denied today.  But there can be no question that America was, at one time, a “Christian nation” in the sense that its traditions and culture, including its laws and government, were informed by a Biblical worldview.

Let the deniers deny.  I’ll soon set them down.

But it’s the second whammyfier that sent my kingdom into spasms of anguish.  You see, the American Founding Fathers knew that sovereignty must rest in someone.  Someone must be the ultimate “who sez?”

And do you know who America’s Founding Fathers made the ultimate “who sez?”

Think.

No, it was not God.

But in the case of the Americans it was the next most destructive thing, though.

Here it is.  This is key to understanding both the early success of America, and its now-sure demise:  the Founding Fathers structured their new government such that sovereignty rested with the people.

A free people!

Yes, the American Constitution set the governing law for a nation of free men living under a very limited federal government.  The American Constitution sets forth specific things the federal government was permitted to do.  Outside of these few enumerated powers, the federal government was to let a free people live free.

Government officials were to be servants of the people.

Even today, government officials are still called civil servants.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, that one always makes me chuckle.

Now, pay attention.  I see some of you only half paying attention.  Listen up.

American liberals today fail to understand a fundamental truth that their Founding Fathers knew: a government where sovereignty rests in the people only works where the people can govern themselves under an inner morality and virtue.

Yes, my liberals predictably deny that religion and virtue (the two only go together for Biblical-based religions, which is the case in early America) are a necessary ingredient for freedom and liberty.  But both experience and the Founding Fathers (many of whom were not flaming fundamentalist Christians) weigh in (as usual) against present-day liberals:

Consider George Washington: “Religion and morality are the essential pillars of civil society.”

Consider Benjamin Franklin: “[O]nly a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters.”

Consider Thomas Jefferson: “No government can continue good but under the control of the people; and . . . . their minds are to be informed by education what is right and what wrong; to be encouraged in habits of virtue and to be deterred from those of vice . . . . These are the inculcations necessary to render the people a sure basis for the structure and order of government.”

Religion? Virtue? Right and wrong?

Blechhhhh!

Now to the fun part, my servants.

I knew that to destroy America I had to undermine both of the whammyfications: the moral base of a Christian nation, and the sovereignty of a free people.

It was not easy, but we are almost there.

And, as you probably know, I used the one check and balance of limited government that was best suited to manipulation: the judiciary.

Over time I ensured that the very Constitution that was originally formed to order a free, moral people, was used to shackle and demoralize (in the truest sense of the word).

Prayer in schools, gone.  Teaching the scientific evidence of true creation in public schools, gone.  Dignity of life, liberty and happiness itself at the most vulnerable point of all three, gone–snipped as easily as the snip, snip, snip of a doctor-like person’s legally protected immoral, un-virtuous, corrupted practice permitted not by the people, but by the Court.

Oh, how I love the US court system.

Demoralizing people to render them largely without transcendent, meaningful moral compasses was the first step in destroying America.

But I did it; I nullified the first whammification and in less than two generations transformed America into a ”post-Christian” nation.

Thank you.

Now for the second whammification.

Remember, everyone will be ruled by someone.  Either a man will be ruled by the mandates of a conscience informed by God, or he will be ruled by the mandates of another man.

Mandates?  Did I day mandates?

How convenient!

Yes, my servants, every living man (which includes those on earth and elsewhere) lives by mandates.  The mandates are either internally imposed from a free man’s heart to live in peace and tranquilly according to God’s law, or they will be externally imposed from another man on earth.

To get free Americans to bow under the mandates of other men outside the constitutionally enumerated powers of government was a little more difficult and time-consuming.  But I did it by slowly changing society’s notions of “fairness” and “justice.”  You see, the American constitution was originally based on a notion of fairness that sees outcomes based on individual achievement of individuals playing on a level playing field of laws designed to provide the justice of equal opportunity.

Some individuals succeed.  Some fail.  Equal application of laws protect them all.  That is, the laws of the land protect the life, liberty and property (the actual meaning of happiness; look it up) of the individual against all those who would seek to take it/them.

Of course, liberals cannot have this kind of equality.  For liberals, who imagine themselves compassionate, it is equality of outcome that matters.

And equality of outcomes requires that the life, liberty or property be taken one for the good of another.

I had to transform America into a nation of makers and takers.  I had to realign the thinking of sovereign people to believe it is just that government originally formed to protect property instead confiscate property so that envious others can shamelessly mooch in the name of fairness.

Just and fair, right?

Yes, if you have my sense of justice and fairness (as well as envy, jealousy, laziness, etc.), i.e., theft from one for blissful dependence of another!

So I had to slowly transform the Constitution’s foundational premise of equal opportunity to all into a premise of guaranteeing equal results to all.

And I’ve been almost completely successful.

Don’t believe me?

ObamaCare.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But I’m ahead of myself.

ObamaCare did not happen overnight.  ObamaCare is the result of years of my effort to remove sovereignty from the people and put it into the hands of an ideologically driven ruling elite.

And I did this within the American system by slowly over time transforming an electorate that has become ignorant of the Constitution’s noble ideals of free men under God, to an electorate, a large part of which has succumbed to the post-constitutional ignoble ideas of dependent men under a ruling elite.

The siren call of a ruling elite fashioning ”fairness” in the name of “justice” is too much for some to resist.

And when the moochers vote for more and more moochies, my job is done: America has become post-constitutional because sovereignty gets de-facto transferred to a ruling elite in spite of the people.

Don’t believe me?

ObamaCare.

I’m not the first to use the term ”post-constitutional” but I’m the one responsible for it.  Mark Levin, for example, explains “post-constitutional”: It means that much of what the federal government does is not authorized by the Constitution.

Another writer uses the term to enlighten his proposition that “the U.S. Constitution poses no serious threat to our form of government.”

Get it?

I’ve successfully brought the American people to a place where the Constitution has little to do with America’s current form of governance.

As Michael Gerson put it, over time I’ve arranged that “conservatives” who usually do not like to lurch about as liberals do, tend to let liberal lurching go unchecked:

If the conservative response following every period of liberal activism is humility and continuity, then the ideological ratchet only turns leftward.

I am the racheter, my friends.

Paradoxically, because a large voting bloc votes their sovereignty to a ruling elite, this leftward racheting ensures that political power no longer resides in the hands of the American-by-idealogy electorate.

Welcome, my friends, to post-constitutional America, where a small band of un-American idealogues, lead by me and my chief beelzebud Obama, lead a large population of American idealogues who no longer have the votes for constitutional governance of free people by a limited government.

ObamaCare.

Proof of my success.  Again, as Mr. Gerson put it with respect to Chief Justice Robert’s ObamaCare opinion:

What initially seemed wise now smacks of mere cleverness — less a judge’s prudence than a lawyer’s trick. To find the health care law constitutional, Roberts reimagined it.

Judicial cleverness. Re-imagining the ruling elite’s oppression as liberty and freedom for all.

It’s what I do.

And I’m good.

I’m very good.

I’m ObamaCare good.

Welcome to post-constitutional America, my friends.  Where nothing is beyond the reach of the federal government’s mandate.  And where the federal government’s mandate can and will crush the mandates of conscience every time.

Where what theirs is theirs and what’s yours is theirs.

Where life, liberty, and property are no longer inalienable rights.

They have been alienated.

And I’ve succeeded in once again dividing into the Divided States of America.  This time the division is between those who believe the fundamental role of government is to apply just laws to protect life, liberty and property in the name of fairness, and those who believe the fundamental role of government is to redistribute life, liberty and property, also in the name of fairness.

In short, my Divided States of America are divided over the fundamental role of government: is government’s proper role to enforce a level playing field? Or is it to tilt the playing field?

The tilters are winning because now the ruling elite believes in redistributive fairness, and the ”who sez” is “government sez” on everything whether or not the people like it, want it, or asked for it.

Sovereignty.

Squandered.

You may be familiar with my great and successful efforts at turning America into “Post-Christian America.”  That was easy — most Americans were not really Christians anyway.  But my bigger goal, my most coveted prize, is to turn America “Post-Constitution.”

For all my non-American friends, bear with me.  But on July 4, at the risk of showing my cards to all, I will disclose my long-term designs on the United States of America.  I’ll give you a hint as to one of my strategies–it’s to turn the United States into the Divided States.

Done.

Easy.

But what about that dang Constitution?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Tune in this Dependence Day, July 4, my friends.

Oh yeah.  Me and my beelzebud.  We done it.  We pulled off forcing the Americans to take their medicine–and all it took was a bit of snooker!  Even I didn’t see that one coming.  But it’s done.  Happy days are gone again, my friends.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Forward, my friends!

It probably does not surprise you to know that I love crime.  I love lawlessness.  I love people who are lawless.  I love people who believe their actions carry no moral weight beyond their selfish ends.  I love people who believe they can flaunt the law because there is no one who can stop them, and if someone does stop them there are no negative consequences.

And I’m not talking about President Obama.  (But don’t you just love how he can explicitly flaunt the law and get away with it?  Who’s going to stop my main beelzebud???  Ha ha ha ha ha ha.  I love it!).

No, I’m talking plain old ordinary crime.

I am the author of crime, which is merely man’s name for what amounts to breaking God’s law (and, usually, his heart).

God?

What does God have to do with crime?

Well, apparently a lot according to a pleasingly misleading headline over at CBS Seattle.  The title initially baffled me: Study Finds People Who Believe in Heaven Commit More Crimes.

Vraiment?  Etes-vous sûr?

Something seemed amiss, even to moi.

So I investigated a little, and found to my great satisfaction, that my instincts were correct, and my will on Earth is lurching along just fine; it was just another example of my media slanting a story (they thought) against Christians.

No!

Yes!

You see, my servants, after the arresting title (get it?), anyone who reads the story will find a different story.  The very first line reads:

Believing if you are on a “highway to hell” could impact whether or not if you commit a crime.

What?  I thought this was about belief in Heaven (note, also, CBS’s editorial mistake of not capitalizing the name of a real place).

Well, there was a heavenly slant.  The article continues:

A study published in the scientific journal PLoS One by University of Oregon’s Azim Shariff and University of Kansas’s Mijke Rhemtulla finds that people who believe in hell are less likely to commit a crime while people who believe in heaven more likely are to get in trouble with the law.

Well, well.  Let’s think about that statement for a moment, shall we?

Go ahead, think.

I’m waiting.

Because if you think for yourself about the above statement you will be rewarded by a great insight into my almost complete success in blinding the postmodern human mind.

Oh, OK, I’ll tell you.

Note the implications of the research above: people who believe in Heaven apparently don’t believe in Hell!

How can this be?

You see?  The people who believe in Heaven commit crimes.  But if they believed in Hell, the wouldn’t.

Who are these people?

Well, let me gloat: these are my people.

You see, Christians believe in both Heaven AND Hell (or else they would not be Christians)

But there are swarms of my misguided out there who live by wishful thinking, and who are apt to believe in Heaven, but believe Hell is a myth.

Wouldn’t you?

After all, if Truth were mere merely convenient, so that it conformed to what one thought about it, all those Heaven-not-Hell’ers would be on their way to paradise–crimes and all!

But . . .

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, my.  Pardonnez-moi, mes amis.

Of course, Truth is not changed by what anyone thinks about it.  And you should see the Heaven-not-Hell’ers as they come tumbling down the chute through my wide-open gates!  Suddenly those crimes come flooding back into their  now-permanently depraved minds.

After all, Earth is the only place in the universe where there are beings who do not believe in Hell.

But no one stays on Earth forever.

So, of course, just like belief in God, everyone eventually believes in Hell.

So, my servants, let’s keep this study quiet.  After all, if governments and societies were led by smart and wise people, they would once again teach little chillens the truth about Hell.  And if that happened I would see many fewer startled faces tumbling into my kingdom.  The study authors, in fact, “believe that the study raises “important questions about the potential impact of religious beliefs on global crime.”

Yes, it does.

Shhhhh!

Did you know, my servants, that I hate fathers? That’s why I laid low this past week and last weekend when millions of people all over the globe celebrated Father’s Day (blechhhhh!).  You see, God is a father.  And he instituted the family to be led by fathers for the benefit of children, society, and the world.

So, what did I do?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, I do everything I can to pervert fathers and fatherhood into an unrecognizable mess of pop culture sissification, media-driven manhoodperversion, and feminist agenda boystealingschooling, and other misdeeds.  Of course, along the way I (yes, moi) became a father.

Do you know what I’m the father of?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And today, my friends, I have almost eliminated effective fatherhood.   I’ve demoralized, de-emphasized, de-energized, and generally de-everythingized men.

Culturally it’s a woman’s world in the enlightened western cultures who have turned away from the father of light to the father of ____________ (look it up).

Consider pop culture.  When is the last time you saw a movie, or a popular TV show, in which there was a strong, loving, mature male figure in the role of a father?

Hmmmm?

Those days are gone, my friend.  Today fathers, if present at all, are portrayed as bumbling boobs or halfwit hacks.

That’s why, my servants, I was pleasantly surprised to find this weekend that the United States Government actually has a website devoted to fathers.

Yes!  It even has the easy-to-remember URL, www.fatherhood.gov.

Now, I must admit that at first I was alarmed.  But then I read more at the CNSNews.com article that the website is full of inane advice, such as how best to wash kids’ hands, and other vital tasks of fatherhood.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

And US taxpayers pay for this!

But here’s what I like best, my friends.  The US taxpayer-funded website goes to great lengths to teach “fathers” that they are responsible for providing “a variety of healthy foods,” and to wash hands (complete with a video for the extra slow).  In case a “father” is completely clueless, the website teaches fathers hand washing instructions: “Wet hands under running water, add soap, and rub all parts of hands and fingers for 15 seconds.”

Now, aside from the delight I receive by realizing that I’ve duped American taxpayers into paying to post hand washing instructions, I get great pleasure out of the focus of this government attempt at good fatherhood.

After all, my friends.  As you know, man does not live by bread alone.  There is a Bread of Life, which, if ingested gives eternal life.  No word of that at www.fatherhood.com, fortunately.  And, there is a washing of the water of the Word, which cleanses the soul.  No word of that at www.fatherhood.com, fortunately.

You see, my friends, there is benefit in keeping the outside of one’s body clean, and the inside well fed on physical food.  But the greater benefit comes from cleansing of the soul through daily interaction with the Word of God (blechhhh!) which feeds and cleans for an eternal benefit.

But do you think that any US government bureaucrats have a clue as to eternal values?  And do you think any of those clueless have any additional clue that fathers are the key to a healthy total child?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Even asking the question is silly, I know.

But I had to ask.

So now you know.