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Church growth in America (my way)

Posted in Bible, Catholic Church, christians, gospel, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, theology, toleration, Truth with tags , , on July 11, 2011 by devilbloggger

Shrinking.

Have you ever heard of a Church Shrink Expert?  A Church Shrink Consultant?  How about a Church De-membership Drive, or a Church Negative Growth Committee?

No?

I don’t know why not.  After all, Church Shrink Experts and Church Shrink Consultants are ubiquitous in the modern church.  In fact, they control most of the governing bodies of the mainline denominations, leading them step by step to empty pews and cultural irrelevancy.

It took years for me to groom the numbers on earth today, but Church Shrink Experts now control most established protestant denominations, and many Catholic and Orthodox churches.

And they are very effective. 

Does anyone care?  Consider Churchboy:  If your local congregation disappeared today, would anyone in your community care tomorrow?  Would anyone in your community even notice?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Answer honestly Churchboy.  The fact of the matter is that most churches on earth today exist primarily for those inside and hardly at all for those outside. 

And the numbers of those inside are shrinking. 

Coincidence?

My servants, I’ve watched the steady decline in numbers of mainline churches with great pride.  I am Church Shrinking Expert One, and I must pat myself on the back for my great success in this area. 

And, at the risk of reversing my trend I thought I would share three tips for Church Shrinking with you.  What spurred my thinking on this was a news story today in The New American entitled, “United Church of Christ Votes to Remove “Heavenly Father” from Bylaws.” 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love it!  Remove Heavenly Father from their earthly, human, manmade bylaws?  

The New American reports:

Explaining the change, which reflects a trend toward gender-neutralizing (and in some cases feminizing) God that has been in vogue throughout the denomination for years, UCC spokesperson Barb Powell told World Net Daily:

In the UCC, our language for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit … is preferred to be more open for different expressions of the Trinity. Heavenly Father is just one vision.

Well, yes, “Heavenly Father” is just one vision.  Never mind that it is God’s vision.  I suppose when one decides to make God politically correct anything is possible.  If scripture is to be ignored another equally valid vision is that God is a unicorn.  Even better, a bi-sexual unicorn with two mommies.

Why not?

No, really, why not??

But what I like best is the quote from David Runnion-Bareford of Biblical Witness Fellowship (BWF), a group formed to battle “UCC’s theological surrender to the moral and spiritual confusion of contemporary culture.”

He called the latest compromise by the church, which is one of the most rapidly shrinking Protestant denominations in America, “a powerful confession by the Synod of the UCC that, having rebelled against the word of God, is on sinking sand — with our members, churches, historic witness, and identity in Christ washing away before our eyes.”

Sorry Dave, you are losing this battle.  And the great swooshing sound of church members washing away before your eyes illustrates my first, and most important Church Shrinking tip: 

Tip 1: Be Relevant; mold scripture to modern culture.

Get it?  It is the Gospel of Modern Niceness.   Modern political correctness demands tolerant niceness to all.  We all learn that it’s nice to be nice to the nice, and the only one’s who aren’t nice are those meanies who believe the Bible to be God the Father’s (sorry, UCC) word on earth.

Does gender specific language offend?  Then just change it!  Be relevant to those to whom (and to those two, whom) such language is a barrier to communion with whatever God you believe you worship. 

But the Niceness doesn’t end at gender nonsense, of course.  Niceness leads to denominational endorsement of same-sex marriage, ordination of homosexual ministers, and implicit condoning all manner of sexual impropriety that now imposes as the contemporary norm.  Consider an elaboration of this tip from John Richardson, who has studied Shrinkology in modern churches:

Contemporary relevance is a fundamental tool in denominational shrinkage. Not only does it deter people from going to your churches, it actually camouflages the fact that they are not.

And, as Richardson states, here is the great lie that goes unnoticed until all the pews are empty:

But of course nobody will commit themselves to a church which is preaching what they (the non-churchgoer) already practise. Sundays are for resting, in bed or with family and friends, not sitting in uncomfortable buildings … watching badly performed rituals and listening to the blessed thoughts of the half-unbelieving and half-trained, though well-intentioned, minister.

I couldn’t have said it any better.  And it just amazes me how many Christian denominations, in an effort to grow abandon the very reason for church in the first place: scripturally sound doctrine that drives a self-controlled disciplined lifestyle, set apart from the world, being transformed by the renewing of the mind to God’s thoughts to be more like Jesus daily.

Blechhhh!  I can’t believe I even wrote that.

Tip 2:  Drop Your Demands

Related to being relevant in modern culture, dropping troublesome demands on a sinful lifestyle and stressing holiness is a sure-fire church shrinker.  As Richardson notes:

[M]aintaining the demands of orthodox belief generally doesn’t sit well with denominational shrinkage. A broad church is, by and large, a leaky church. If you want to lose the average person from your church then, paradoxically, you must declare as ‘faith’ what the average person already finds it easy and comfortable to believe. Never mention the afterlife except in terms of cosy reassurance about the love of God. Specifically, never mention hell – except when assuring people that a loving God could not possibly send anyone to such an awful place invented by vindictive humans etc. (It may be necessary to keep off the Bible in general or Jesus’ own words in particular at this point.)

Yes, make your church one of Easy Believism.  Do not require repentance, a holy lifestyle, adherence to scripture in matters of morals and behavior, or any of the other things that Jesus tends to like.  And never, never, mention H-E-L-L.

Tip 3:  Never mention or stress mission.

Jesus gave a Great Commission that scared the socks off me when I first heard it.  Go into all the world . . . making disciples . . . of all nations.  Each phrase chilled my already cold soul as I realized what would happen to my kingdom once the Great Commissioners got moving. 

Fortunately in the modern church today, particularly in Western cultures, there is virtually no Great Commissioning going on.  Most Christians go through their entire lives without making one disciple!

I know, my servants, I know.  It’s unbelievable!

But it’s true.  Churches with members that don’t reach out to friends, neighbors, co-workers, and their surrounding community with Good Deeds and Good News will only shrink away to oblivion.  It is inevitable; it is happening now.  As Richardson concludes, quoting a book The Churching of America 1776–1990 by Roger Finke and Rodney Stark:

[T]o the degree that denominations rejected traditional doctrines and ceased to make serious demands on their followers, they ceased to prosper. The churching of America was accomplished by aggressive churches committed to vivid otherworldliness.

Yes, that’s true to an extent.  But the fact is that all churches are committed to “otherworldliness.”  But because the “otherworldliness” is not “vivid” a shrinking number are aggressively committed to God’s “other world” while a growing number are aggressively committed to my “other world.”

Lack of vividity fuels church growth my way.

Viva nonvividity!

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Let the little children come unto me

Posted in homosexuality, liberals, perversion, political correctness with tags on June 28, 2011 by devilbloggger

Children.

You know, my servants, that I love children.  I know that if I get children early I can usually keep them for life.  And by “life” I mean existence, which includes an eternity, most of which does not constitute life as humans know it.  Or as humans can even imagine it or even remotely conceive it to be.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yes, suffer little children, and come unto me.

Sometimes I can convince my servants to simply blow up little children.  No kidding.  I mean the little chillens that don’t get killed before they get out of the gate, so to speak.  Take the recent news story from the UK Guardian entitled, “Taliban use girl, 8, as bomb mule in attack on Afghanistan police post.”  Do you know what a bomb mule is, my servants?  This little innocent in the hands of my guilty goes on record as “one of the youngest child bombers” of the conflict with the Taliban.  In other words, I’ve done better before.

But I get most of my children by ensuring that adults screw up their minds so that there is little hope of their ever knowing who they are or why they exist.  They grow up with damaged minds, full of politically correct human wisdom, on a wide path with a wide gate at the end.

It’s a full-time job, but it gets easier every day as political correctness and a general rejection of all things true becomes ingrained in society worldwide.

And when I’m done, I have flash mobs storming department stores, pandemonium in Peoria with African-American youths marching in the streets threatening white people, and a teen gang beating a student so badly he will require facial reconstruction surgery.  One member of the teen gang is only 13 years old.

And that’s just in the last 24 hours.

How do I do it?

Well, first I ensure that the God-free Zones known as “public schools” will never give the little chillens any clue as to the truth of existence.  I ensure that rather than be taught they are a special creation as indicated by evidence plain to all, these little innocents are told they are a product of random physics in an unguided, purposeless process that never had them in mind.

Teachers may as well give the little chillens a bomb; they have no reason not to end such a sad existence as soon as possible, and, as an advanced technique, take as many others with them as they can.  School shootings, gang beatings, flash mob ransacking–these are a natural outcome of a generation of students taught they are an accident of nature.

Trust me on this one, my servants.  The great lie of Darwinism is that life from non-life self organized into new species by an unguided, purposeless process.  It is impossible in fact, but entirely swallowed in theory.  And the end is certain moral decay and destruction.  There is no other logical endpoint.

And the idea that “evolution is true but God is behind it all” is one of my most devious lies of all.  It is utter nonsense, but appears as the only safe refuge of ignorant Christians. 

Trust me again, on this one, my servants.

Beyond indoctrinating chillens in the dogma of atheistic existence, I use political correctness to further screw with the minds of the little chillens by confusing them as to their proper role on earth. 

I was delighted by the recent AP story entitled, “Gender Bias Fought at Egalia Preschool in Stockholm, Sweden.”  Do you know what the good folks at the Egalia preschool are doing?  They:

… avoid using words like “him” or “her” and address the 33 kids as “friends” rather than girls and boys.

Yes, what a brilliant idea!  Remove all those pesky gender differences, which have become solidified as stereotypes!  The article continues:

From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don’t fall into gender stereotypes.

Gender stereotypes.  How do you break these?  Well, the smart folks at Egalia preschool have engineered a special environment for the little, little chillens, including ensuring that “[n]early all the children’s books deal with homosexual couples, single parents or adopted children” and making sure that all manner of unnatural behavior is encouraged.

One teacher said:

A concrete example could be when they’re playing ‘house’ and the role of the mom already is taken and they start to squabble,” she says. “Then we suggest two moms or three moms and so on.”

Yes, that is the only solution, right?  Can you think of anything more perverted and unnatural?  I can’t.

Of course, my servants, all this will serve to totally distort the minds of these little chillens.  And I could not be more happy.  The net effect is to emasculate males, to erase the inborn uniqueness of females, and to elevate homosexuality as healthy and normal. 

What more could I ask for, my servants?

Yes, let the little children come unto me.

(HT to at thyselfolord.blogspot.com for the story about the 8-year old child bomber).

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Of course God is not a Christian

Posted in atheism, christians, False religion, heresy, Morality, political correctness, religion with tags , , , on June 2, 2011 by devilbloggger

Exclusivity.

No one likes exclusivity, it seems, except for everyone.  Know what I mean?  Everyone hates it when others make exclusive truth claims, unless they happen to agree with the claimers.  Then it’s OK.

And here’s a secret, my friends: everyone makes absolute truth claims.    Atheists do it.  Agnostics do it.  Everyone does it.

But, you say, there is no absolute truth!

Ahem . . . is that an absolute truth claim?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You see, my servants?

The fact is that truth is by definition exclusive.  Truth requires falsity.  And when it comes to claims on conscience, belief, or behavior, some claims stem from truth, and some from falsity.

To deny this is to deny everything.

Which is why, my servants, I delight in “all paths lead to God” mumbo-jumbo, especially when it comes from the mouth of a Nobel Prize winner via the ever-reliable Huffington Post.  Today’s piece by Desmond Tutu is entitled, “God is Not a Christian.”

Duh!  This is really a stupid title. 

Of course God is not a Christian.  Only a spiritually mental midget would even entertain such a thought for a moment.   God, as the Father and as the God Man Jesus and as the Holy Spirit, is the object of Christian’s faith.  Christians, by definition, are those who exercise the gift of faith in Jesus Christ as their personal savior. 

God, by definition, can not be a Christian.

Anyone knows this.

So what is Desmond Tutu’s point?  You have already sniffed it out, I’m sure.  Mr. Tutu is advancing my lie that Christianity is not the only path to God, and, by extension, Heaven.

Observing that most people’s faith is the result of “accidents of birth and geography,” Mr. Tutu swallows my lie completely by advancing directly from “accidents” to the conclusion:

. . . perhaps that we should not succumb too easily to the temptation to exclusiveness and dogmatic claims to a monopoly of the truth of our particular faith.

Really? Is succumbing to this temptation a sin, Mr. Tutu?  Because if so, Jesus is a sinner.  Because Jesus, Mr. Tutu, made egregious dogmatic claims to a monopoly of the truth and a particular faith.

I must say, however, that I like the concept of casting Jesus as a sinner for succumbing to such a temptation. 

Mr. Tutu continues in his effort at erasing boundary lines of truth and falsity.  Attempting to make all truth claims true by virtue of their sincere adherents, Mr. Tutu pleases me by saying:

Surely we can rejoice that the eternal word, the Logos of God, enlightens everyone — not just Christians, but everyone who comes into the world; that what we call the Spirit of God is not a Christian preserve, for the Spirit of God existed long before there were Christians, inspiring and nurturing women and men in the ways of holiness, bringing them to fruition, bringing to fruition what was best in all.

But God doesn’t enlighten everyone.  Jesus said “Let him who has ears to hear, hear.”  Of course, there are many who do not have ears to hear.  I welcome them into Hell every day. 

Mr. Tutu delights me further by saying, in essence, that because God is the “God of all” by implication all belief systems are pleasing to God:

We do scant justice and honor to our God if we want, for instance, to deny that Mahatma Gandhi was a truly great soul, a holy man who walked closely with God. Our God would be too small if he was not also the God of Gandhi: if God is one, as we believe, then he is the only God of all his people, whether they acknowledge him as such or not.

Yes, Mr. Tutu, God is the God of Gandhi just as he is the God of me.

Is my belief system OK, Mr. Tutu?

Well?

Do you see the absurdity in believing that all belief systems in “God” are somehow OK, and valid, and worthy of respect and honor?  I believe in God more than most; my belief makes me tremble.

But I can assure you, my servants, God is not pleased with my belief. 

God’s pleasure rests on those who seek his faith in truth, which means, by definition, an exclusive truth that rejects falsity as error and heresy.

Oh, I love the post-modern Christian mind that seeks to make peace with heresy in the misplaced name of loving toleration.  Rather than speak the truth in love, people like Mr. Tutu speak falsity with a false love.  False love exchanges the glory of God for the fairness of Man, seeking to make good what God calls evil.

So, while I agree that “God is not a Christian,” I must commend my servants for extending this self-evident truth into a subtle lie that God accepts all, whether Christian or not.

If that was true, I would be God’s favorite.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

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God, Man, and the Rule of Law: A Primer

Posted in democracy, Ethics, Government, multiculturalism, politics with tags , , , , on May 25, 2011 by devilbloggger

Rule of Law.

Two stories today, my servants, that seem unrelated but are actually intricately bound up in a societal dynamic of my making.  I am so proud.  You will be too.  Let me explain.

I first read in my morning reading by the fire a story from Religion Dispatches entitled, “Christocrat Competition” about US presidential candidate Newt Gingrich’s choice of former US senator Zell Miller as his campaign’s co-chair. 

Remember Zell Miller? 

As Sarah Posner reminds us in her piece, Mr. Miller gave a speech in 2004 on the floor of the Senate asserting that America was on the road to moral ruin because of the separation of church and state.

I know, my servants. I know.

Of course Mr. Miller is self-evidently right, but fortunately self-righteous fools like Ms. Posner do not see self-evident truths. 

I do all I can to ensure blindness to the obvious. 

In this case, Ms. Posner recounts with measured horror that Mr. Newt’s choice said in the same 2004 speech:

Everyone today seems to think the U.S. Constitution expressly provides for separation of church and state. I guess you could ask any 10 people if that is not so and I will bet you most of them will say, well, sure that is so. And some would point out that is in the First Amendment. Wrong.

I know, my servants.  I know. 

This kind of talk scares the you-know-what out of me.  If ever the Americans catch on to my “separation of church and state” lie my American kingdom of secular folly will crash, reducing the Americans back to their original moral order. 

And their original moral order was not my moral order.

Let me share some kingdom knowledge with you my servants–knowledge that will tie in with the second story I mentioned above.  Please, if there is anyone who can see your screen right now, casually switch to this website, read it carefully while you wait for the potential eavesdroppers to leave, and then continue reading.  The following is for your eyes only.

Are they gone?

Good.

Here it is: everyone in the universe is under the authority of someone.  The “someone” on earth will necessarily be either God or man.  The American founders clearly contemplated a society imbued with a moral order originating in a belief in God.  The Founding Fathers knew that a well-functioning society was one that worked according to the rule of law, and the rule of law stemmed from a transcendent Rule of Law from a transcendent Lawgiver.

Don’t believe me? 

Good.  The more who don’t believe me, the better for my kingdom.

But consider this, my servants.  What will control men if not the conscience of a heart under the authority of a transcendent God?

Yes, other men.

Did you ever wonder why third world banana republics have so many strongmen around?  Conscripted kids with automatic weapons casually strolling city streets?  Highly visible police forces intruding on every civil liberty?

Have you noticed the steadily increasing use of strongmen to police American society?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

All this because it is the Rule of Law that suffers when men reject the ultimate authority of God and trade it for the more attractive authority of man.  No longer does each person in society subject himself or herself to an objective set of rules; each person feels free to do what is good in his or her sight, unless constrained by the hand of a stronger man.

The rejection of the Rule of Law in America is illustrated in the other story today–Michael Barone’s piece in the Washington Examiner entitled, “Obama skirts rule of law to reward pals, punish foes.” 

You see, President Obama’s actions and policies represent a pinnacle of centuries of my labor in America to mold societal thinking into a secular society.   America has become a nation looking to government as provider and protector, a role that used to be held by God.  Government is nothing more than Mangod; Americans have effectively subjected themselves to the ultimate authority of Men, which is to say without overstatement, to me.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Mr. Barone illustrates America’s new authority by taking the example of Obamacare: everyone wants to get out of the requirements of Obamacare.  But coincidently only a select few do: those who were Obamacare’s biggest political supporters.  Barone notes, for example:

Union members are only 12 percent of all employees but have gotten 50.3 percent of Obamacare waivers. 

This is only one example of many; I suggest you read the entire article.  But aside from the specifics, Mr. Barone very insightfully realizes:

One basic principle of the rule of law is that laws apply to everybody. If the sign says “No Parking,” you’re not supposed to park there even if you’re a pal of the alderman.

But of the Obama administration, after noting many other examples of Obama’s rule of man, Mr. Barone notes:

Punishing enemies and rewarding friends — politics Chicago style — seems to be the unifying principle that helps explain the Obamacare waivers, the NLRB action against Boeing and the IRS’ gift-tax assault on 501(c)(4) donors.

Do you see what is happening, my servants?  Americans have traded the Rule of Law for the Rule of Man, and the Rule of Man rules as men do: impetuously, arbitrarily, selfishly, and unfairly.  Mr. Barone concludes:

They look like examples of crony capitalism, bailout favoritism and gangster government.  One thing they don’t look like is the rule of law.

No, they don’t. 

Because they can’t.  The Rule of Law necessitates the Lawgiver.  And the Lawgiver is not only not welcome in America, he is illegal.

When one separates “church and state” one necessarily ends up with “secularism and state,” and secularism is a religion having no objective, transcendent anchor for the rule of law. 

Enjoy, America, the Rule of Mangod.

Because it’s all you have when you reject the God man.

 

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Sometimes my servants embarrass me.

Posted in False religion, liberals, multiculturalism, political correctness, religion with tags , , , on May 1, 2011 by devilbloggger

Gandhi.

Have you ever wondered what Gandhi’s eternal fate is my friends?  Well, I can tell you: it is exactly the fate God describes in his Word.  And you can call God unfair all you want.  Look what good it did me.

Gandhi, of course, is all the rage these days, as Rob Bell has created the rage in his latest book Love Wins, etc. etc.  Rob Bell’s book is a rebuttal to the notion that Gandhi is in Hell with me.  I wrote about it here; you should read what I wrote.  I kind of like Rob Bell.

And I love when people who haven’t a clue about the true God and his word, the Bible, pontificate in public about the Bible’s teachings about salvation.  As a case in point, consider today’s piece by Rob Asghar in the Huffington Post (I love the Huffington Post!!), entitled, How Gandhi-Hating Kills Christianity.

First, the title alone shows wholesale ignorance: no one, including Christians, “hates” Gandhi.  If anyone hated Gandhi, it was me!  But to say that those in Christianity who hold to the same opinion as God with respect to salvation ”hate” people is entirely a fabrication, intended only as a rhetorical flourish to hide an ungodly alternative agenda. 

I don’t know why my servants try this.  It only shows their ignorance and reflects badly on me.  And it gets worse, my friends.

Defending Rob Bell’s “universalism” as merely a proper modern-day doctrine of salvation, one the Apostle Paul himself would  have adopted if he lived today with the internet, Mr. Asghar reacts to the “dizzying and confounding mix of Biblical messages of ‘salvation’.”

Funny how those who wish God said things differently find what he did say “dizzying and confounding”. 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But here’s what I love about my servant Mr. Asghar’s defense of my bud Rob Bell: Mr. Asghar apparently has never really read scripture himself.  For this, Mr. Asghar may be the best kind of apologist for my kingdom because having never actually read the Bible with any understanding he can make up his criticisms on the fly, seeming to make a good point, but, again, really only intellectually soiling himself.

And I have a kind of perverse love for intellectually soiled pseudo-religionists!  On the one hand they embarrass me; on the other, their tinhorn views often go unchallenged.

Let me give one example.  You can read his (and my) article yourself, but consider this statement, where he gives away his intellect farm.  In attempting to show that clear Biblical authority might not be so clear, and “that the Bible’s view of salvation and punishment should be understood in terms of what was known and unknown at the time”, he says:

Consider that many passages in the Bible imply that the earth is flat. We now can say that the world is fairly round, without negating the larger wisdom of the ages stored in the Bible.

Uh . . . I’m pretty familiar with the Bible myself.  But I can’t off the top of my head think of any Bible passages that imply the earth is flat any more than current common usage among bright intellectuals like Mr. Aschar might.  Maybe, Mr. Asghar, you can give one example?  Otherwise you you might want to back that BS truck up, especially if that is your justification for dumping the Bibles overarching theme of all the ages: salvation.  You just make us look bad.

Oh well, the truth of the matter is that most, if not all, of Mr. Asghar’s readers are as ignorant as he is, so I suppose I should just be glad that he’s out there doing my will on earth as it is in Hell.

And he does get one thing half right.  Near the end of his (and my) article, Mr. Asghar states:

The fact is that Christian faith may only be a generation away from irrelevance, in an era marked by a wondrous intersection of ancient faiths and philosophies and the newest psychological insights and scientific discovery.

But he then again soils himself (intellectually) by saying:

 If Rob Bell and his small band of supporters do not succeed in rescuing Biblical wisdom from the accretions of an obsolete orthodoxy, Jesus may well find himself isolated.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Jesus has always been isolated, my friend.  He isolates himself to his holiness, his righteousness, and his perfect deity.  It was Jesus’ isolation that was the problem solved by the cross, my friend.  It’s not Jesus’ isolation that is the issue, it’s humanities’.  And as long as I can convince people that there is no Hell, and that everyone’s a winner, then Jesus will remain isolated from any more redeemed believers.

The way I do this is to convince people that God’s word is not sufficient, but that they should also rely on the “wondrous intersection of ancient faiths and philosophies and the newest psychological insights and scientific discovery.”

Preach it, Mr. Asghar!

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A Non-Theocratic Regime? In your dreams.

Posted in atheism, atheists, Catholic Church, christians, False religion, religion, secular humanism with tags , , , , , , on March 7, 2011 by devilbloggger

Theocracy.

What comes to mind when you think of the word “theocracy,” my friends?  I hope it conjures feelings of discomfort, a tinge of anxiety, and images of dogmatic, top-down behavior requirements that make you just a bit uneasy.  Maybe you even think of freedom-crushing constraints on your religious liberties. Certainly you would never advocate a theocracy on earth, right?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

My servants, I am glad that you feel that way, because it shows you have become snugly comfortable in one of my greatest lies: a Godless society is a godless society.

You see, my servants, I have labored for centuries to cast every form of God’s church in an unfavorable light, ensuring that as each generation passes fewer and fewer people hold the Church in high esteem.  As the Church, God’s body on earth is held in low esteem, so governments of men hold God in low esteem.  And because something must be held in high esteem, in my new world order men hold in high esteem the only suitable substitute for God’s rule on earth: rule by men as gods.

But I have to be careful that I don’t overplay my hand. 

Overplay your hand? you ask.

Yes, my servants, I walk a fine line between ensuring that entire societies reject God without realizing that they nevertheless simultaneously embrace gods of men.  And such gods without God spell bad news.   Gods of men are infinitely more harsh and unjust than any perceived harshness or injustice of God.   My job is to obscure that fact. 

My job was made harder today, my servants, because some Canadian named David Warren stripped my plan bare, exposing the very heart of my strategy to all willing to read his essay entitled, “We Have an Upside-Down Religion.”  Warren’s excellent piece, if taken to heart by his fellow humans could decimate my kingdom on earth.  Fortunately, his piece is relatively long so most people will not have the patience to read it carefully.  And you, my servants, should not read it at all; I will summarize what I wish you to know.

Warren cites, in his words, “a brilliant, and fortunately little-read essay” by French author Rmi Brague, entitled, “Are NonTheocratic Regimes Possible?”  The essay suggests that the answer, surprisingly, might be no.  He observes that,

“[E]very human society, from the most primitive to the most outwardly sophisticated, accepts a doctrinal order, and a cosmology to explain it.”

This, my servants, is a kingdom secret revealed.  Yes, every society embraces a doctrinal order and a cosmology.  The question is merely on what foundation will the doctrine and cosmology rest? 

This is where my lie helps.  As Brague noticed:

“[T]heocracy” has become, in the West, a term of abuse merely, to be hurled at regimes like Iran’s, or less formally, at people like evangelical Christians who insist that their own most deeply held and cherished beliefs should sometimes be allowed to guide their conduct. It is taken to connote government by some class of priests or religious elders. It is assumed to exclude all “enlightened” polities, from which religious beliefs and ideals are methodically excluded.”

And Warren takes it from there to completely expose my lie on earth today:

“I go only slightly beyond Brague in observing that what makes our own society unique, is not its freedom from religion but rather the peculiar nature of the religion upon which our theocracy rests. That is to say, we have an upside-down religion, in which there is no God, but that “Not God” commands an obedience more absolute than God ever required, stipulating everything from the sanctity of antinomian sexual behaviour, down to how we should sort our garbage.”

Ahhhh.  That hurts so good!   I relish the truth but fear the truth revealed. 

Do see what has happened, my servants?  All of you said in your hearts above that the term “theocracy” conjures feelings of discomfort, a tinge of anxiety, and images of dogmatic, top-down behavior requirements that make you just a bit uneasy.  Maybe you even think of freedom-crushing constraints on your religious liberties.

But what does current liberalized, godless government and society give you?  Feelings of discomfort?  A tinge of anxiety?  Dogmatic, top-down behavior requirements that make you a bit uneasy?  Freedom-crushing restraints on your religious liberties?

And by gods who have banished God.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I am good.  Admit it.  I am good!

As Warren notes:

“It [the new godless religion] rides upon an inexhaustible series of mildly fluctuating, but invariably self-contradictory moral and epistemological premises (or more precisely, conceits); and because everything is “relative,” nothing may be challenged.”

And,

“It is, as the lively Ann Coulter has suggested, a religion for which an extremely arid Darwinist materialism provides the founding cosmological myth. And abortion is its principal sacrament.”

Bingo.  Tagged.  Pwnd.  Whatever.

I’m just glad that essays like Warren’s, and words like Coulter’s seem to today’s godless religionists merely as more sour grapes from followers of one displaced theocratic regime toward the current theocrats and their blind followers. 

Here’s to the new theocracy!

1 Comment »

ACLU should be NCACLU

Posted in ACLU, homosexuality, political correctness, Uncategorized with tags , , on February 21, 2011 by devilbloggger

Non-Christian-American Civil Liberties Union.

I like the sound of that.  And I hear it almost all the time.  For my non-American friends, I’m speaking of a large, well-funded US legal group that defends the civil rights of all Americans except Christians and some other religious people.   In fact, this group of attorneys seems to look for reasons to poke sharp sticks in the eyes of Christians, Orthodox Jews, or anyone with traditional views of sex and marriage, among other things.

Am I good, or what?

Come on, folks, I can’t hear you.  Am I good?

That’s better.  Ha ha ha ha ha.

I worried when the ACLU, the pre-cursor to the NCACLU, first formed.  You see, my servants, I am against all true liberties, civil or otherwise.  That’s why I’m against truth.  Because truth always brings true liberty and sets people free.  So when I saw a group forming to protect civil liberties, I immediately moved in with my lies to ensure that “civil liberties” meant “uncivil lasciviousness” whenever and wherever Christianity raised its oppressive head.

Let me share some kingdom knowledge with you, my servants.  Please keep this confidential.  Basically my lie runs like this: “liberty” means the ability to do anything one desires sexually without constraint regardless of the destructive consequences to self or others.  Sexual “freedom” (which is the main “freedom” defended by the likes of the NCACLU) means constraint-free practice of whatever behavior makes one feel good. 

If it feels good do it; that’s what I say!  And, more importantly, I and the ACLU say if it makes someone feel guilty for doing what feels good, don’t do it!

And the delicious irony, my servants, is that my “liberty” is merely lie-disguised bondage.  Ask anyone reaping the fruit of a life given over selfishly to the lust of the flesh if they would not rewind the clock if they could.

I ask them all the time.  Just for fun.  Ha ha ha ha ha.  No clocks here, fellow rebels.

Fortunately for those still on earth I infiltrated every aspect of modern, pluralistic, relativistic American culture, including the legal system with my lies of sexual freedom.  It is no secret at this point that the American Constitution has become the tool of choice for every person wishing to lawfully practice a perversion against all traditional private morals or public constraints.  Where democracy fails, the judicial system delivers. 

But the judicial system does not deliver without a delivery boy, and my go-to boy has become the NCACLU.  I can always depend on the NCACLU to fight for my kingdom on earth as it is in Hell. 

The latest defense of my kingdom is detailed in today’s Washington Examiner in a story by Robert Knight entitled, “Freedom to be Christian but banned from acting Christian.”  Hey, don’t you love that title?  That title almost describes the actual state of Christianity in America: free to be, but refusing to act.

But every once in a while a Christian acts like a Christian, and in today’s modern sexually free America, such action must be banned by the force of law.  Thankfully, as Mr. Knight notes, the NCACLU is falling in line right on cue to defend me in a case involving a graduate student in the counseling program at Eastern Michigan University.  It seems some Godpunk named Julea Ward,

“. . . had asked that another student take the case of a homosexual suffering from depression because, being a Christian, she could not affirm the person’s sexual relationships.”

She was rightly canned for her blatant liberty-crushing viewpoint.  Of course she sued charging unconstitutional viewpoint discrimination, religious discrimination and compelled speech, but she lost and is now appealing her loss to the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals. 

Good luck, goody two-shoes; I got the NCACLU on the case.

We’ll see just who’s civil liberties trump, Miss Ward: your religious and free speech liberties, or my boyboy-sex-in-your-pretty-little-face liberties.

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

I’m betting on boyboysex because the NCACLU’s brief cites last year’s U.S. Supreme Court ruling in Christian Legal Society v. Martinez, which upheld the decision by Hastings College of the Law at the University of California at Berkeley to eject a Christian legal group for not allowing open homosexuals in leadership positions. Writing for the majority in that case, Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said:

“Condemnation of same-sex intimacy is, in fact, a condemnation of gay people,” and “our decisions have declined to distinguish between status and conduct in this context.”

I love it.  Do you see, my servants, how a darkened, foolish heart reasons?  No distinction between status and conduct in this context? What “context” is that?  And why is that “context” entitled so?

Hey, I wonder if condemnation of opposite sex intimacy by married adulterers is a condemnation of married people. 

I wonder if condemnation of bestiality is a condemnation of beasts. 

I wonder if condemnation of necrophilia is a condemnation of dead people. 

I wonder if condemnation of incestuous intimacy is a condemnation of family members. 

I wonder if condemnation of child sex is a condemnation of children.

But what I really wonder is this: Is condemnation of refusal to counsel against conscience a condemnation of the person of conscience?

Why isn’t it, Ms. Ginsburg?

No, really, why isn’t it?

Ha ha ha ha ha .

I wonder if condemnation of egregious judicial rulings is a condemnation of all judges.

I hope not.

3 Comments »

Crosses crosses everywhere, but no one left to think

Posted in political correctness with tags , , on February 19, 2011 by devilbloggger

Holy Toledo

Toledo, my global servants, is not only a great city of Spain, it is a city in Ohio, United States.  And boy do I have those Americans screwed up over true religion.  What is it this time, you ask?  I’ll gladly tell you.  It seems that someone in Toledo, Ohio noticed that certain exterior design features of a new public elementary school looked like crosses. 

And you know what happens whenever a cross gets near a public school student, don’t you?  Yes, people’s brains turn to robotic autopilot causing their mouths to begin stammering “separation of church and state” while their hands wring in imagined offense to every person for whom the cross is offensive. 

Which means everyone except those who love God.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

As related in an article entitled, “Architect to remove ‘crosses’ from TPS elementary school,” (and yes, the single quotes around ‘crosses’ are there), someone put a picture of the new school on Facebook.  According to the article, the picture “showed what appeared to be a cross design on the exterior gymnasium walls.”

Hey, Toledo, look at the picture again.  You can see “what appears to be” swastikas formed by the window panes.  And there is “what appears to be” a minora formed by the tree out front.  And one student saw “what appears to be” a reflection in the windows that made a six-pointed star.  And at night one person reported seeing “what appeared to be” a crescent moon over the school’s cafeteria.  The cafeteria will, of course, now be redesigned, or the moon repositioned, I’m sure.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I have turned the Americans into raving fools over this religion thing when anything public remotely touches on Christianity, or even “appears to be” Christian.  It’s a joy to watch.  I wonder if any of the interior hallways of Toledo’s newest God-free zone make a cross.  I wonder if the math teacher writes out “plus” rather than suffer the little chillens to look at the “+” sign.  I wonder if English teachers use words like “strike out” instead of “cross out” when grading papers.  I wonder if a religiously sane thought ever crosses any of these people’s minds.

And they wonder why their schools are turning out misfits, delinquents, and ne’er-do-wells.

Hey, Toledo, how would you like to go around with a great big cross right in the middle of your name?  Look at  my name–there’s a doggone cross right in the middle of it!  Do you see me complaining?

Why of all the names I could have in English must I have one with an ugly, offensive cross right in the middle of it?  Will you fix that for me, Toledo? 

It’s easy for you, Toledo, to banish the cross from every public place, both real and imagined.  But what if you were me, having to carry around the reminder of my eternal nemesis in my very name?

On second thought, let’s make a deal, Toledo.  How about I carry the cross so that you never need bother?  How about I keep the cross safe so your students never confront it in any other context but mine? 

Deal? 

Of course, you made that deal many years ago.  You made your pact with me decades ago when you decided that my cross was much preferred over his.  You took up a cross, but you are not following him.

And your students?  They have learned well to ignore any crosses that may inconvenience their lives.  They know that my cross “appears to be” pleasant; my yoke “appears to be” easy and my burden “appears to be” light.  Your students need only follow their own evil impulses, set their own wayward path, do what feels good, and they will please me. 

Hey, Toledo, did you notice that your city’s name starts with “what appears to be” a cross?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Thank you, my Toledo servants.  You please me greatly.  My will be done in Toledo as it is in Hell.

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Multiculturalism? Turn off the alarm and go back to sleep.

Posted in democracy, multiculturalism, political correctness with tags , , on February 13, 2011 by devilbloggger

Stability.

I hate stability.  Unless it comes at the hands of a dictator who stifles human freedom in an oppressive society closed to news, especially the good news.  For most of history I watched as one oppressor was exchanged for another, always amazed that human beings would so willingly exchange freedom for security.

Life was good.

Then came Western democracies.  Blechhhh!

I watched in measured horror as people woke up to the idea of an open society governed by a free and satisfied people.  Human freedom is alway dangerous to my kingdom.  But things really heated up when freedom began to include religious freedom.

I didn’t mind Greece and Rome too much.  Yes, democratic freedoms were forming, but religious freedom remained limited.  Romans throughout the vast and spreading kingdom were free to keep their indigenous cults and religions, as long as they also acknowledged the Imperial Cult, identifying the emperor as divinely sanctioned. 

Then Christianity exploded onto the Roman peace.  Blechhh again!

At first I knew the centurions of the heavy-handed Roman Legions could control this band of misfits.  I even used  a Jewish revolt as the pretext for emperor Vespasian sending the Roman Legions under his son Titus to destroy Jerusalem in 70AD (whoops, I mean CE) where the Christian troublemakers first gathered.  He burned the city to the ground and slaughtered thousands.  All I ended up accomplishing was scattering the rascals!  Gospel-spreading Christians (the worst kind!) ended up in Judea and Samaria, and even to the ends of the earth!

I continued persecution, including persecution to the point of death, with mixed results.  Yes, blood flowed.  But it seemed that martyrs produced more martyrs to the point where I finally realized that persecution was counterproductive to my kingdom goals. 

So I let off persecutions and tried accommodation, realizing that comfort and complacency could stop the march of Christianity better than persecution.

And things were going OK until “the ends of the earth” included a land to be called America.  I watched with less measured horror as history unfolded, where events converged to send religious dissidents and religious freedom-seekers to a land of plenty.

Could this be true?  An entire country large enough to sustain a population of millions of religiously free world-changers?  A country where religious freedom would flourish under a government that recognized a higher power to which all men ultimately answer? 

Yes, it was true, my servants.  And I have suffered for over two hundred years of America’s religious freedom.  For over two hundred years America welcomed outcasts from around the world into a melting pot culture that valued freedom with personal responsibility, the personal responsibility being understood in the context of a moral order instituted by that invisible higher power.

And that “higher power” was commonly understood in a common culture–you might say a monoculture–to be the God of the bible. 

And freedom rung.  And rung and rung. It practically shattered my eardrums.

My strategies had to change to stop the incessant ringing.  It took over two hundred years, but with some experiments in Europe I perfected the solution to America’s greatness: I would ruin America’s “monoculture” with a multiculture that invaded the American peace shouting “screw the God of the bible and his followers; we’ll remake the culture on our own terms, thank you.”

Of course, multiculturalism didn’t really shout anything.  It came in on cat’s feet, meekly using America’s capacity for tolerance and openness against her.  Tolerance became the vehicle for uncritical acceptance of every destructive belief and evil behavior, on the presupposition that morality is relative and there is no absolute truth. 

Who are you to judge?

I’ve ruined Europe on the altar of multiculturalism, where today Britain, Germany, Holland and many other European countries have nurtured more than one generation of citizens who seem to feel no loyalty toward God or country and who, on the contrary, despise both.

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

America is on its first generation.

That’s why, my servants, I must issue a Level 2 devilbloggger Alert for an alarming trend coming out of my European laboratory.  The trend continued last week when British Prime Minister David Cameron uttered out loud to a group in Munich: ‘Multiculturalism has failed.”   His statement was reported by Douglas Murray in the a Wall Street Journal article entitled, “Cameron’s Multicultural Wake-Up Call.”  You can see why it got my attention.

As the article states, this is not the first time a world leader caught on to my gig:

“Last October German Chancellor Angela Merkel (sitting onstage with Mr. Cameron when he gave his speech on Saturday) said the same. Finally, Europe’s mainstream party leaders seem to be realizing what others have long noticed: Multiculturalism has been the most pernicious and divisive policy pursued by Western governments since World War II.”

What am I to do?

I’m running out of ideas, my friends.  I thought multiculturalism would usher in my kingdom on earth–a kingdom where everything is right and nothing is wrong!  What could be better than, as the article states, a system in which,

“State-sponsored multiculturalism treated European countries like hostelries. It judged that the state should not “impose” rules and values on newcomers.”

And here’s the real problem, my servants.  Mr. Murray is right on when he states:

“The first step forward is that from school-age upward our societies must reassert a shared national narrative—including a common national culture.”

I’ve outsmarted myself again, my servants.  I knew that multiculturalism would bring conflict, and I expected the conflict to result in loss of freedom as governments brought stability by cracking down on politically incorrect dissidents.  Without a population of God-believers who manage their lives based on an internal force for good, governments must impose an external force for bad. 

Stability by oppressive force.  It’s just the way it is in countries that ditch God but want security.  Look around, America.

And I fully expected Western governments to slide into effective dictatorships where security among a diverse and unassimilated population can be maintained only by force, and religion plays no role but to be quietly ineffective.

 The radical Islamists ruined it for me.

Fortunately, the United States of America shows no signs of understanding the threat.

I may have a few more years, which is enough to bring irreparable ruin by the true Great Satan.

Help me out here, folks.

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Shhhh . . . abortion in the US can end the same way slavery ended

Posted in abortion, Dred Scot, progressives, slavery with tags , , on February 10, 2011 by devilbloggger

Slavery.

Did you know, my global servants, that ownership of human beings as property was once a lawful right protected by the United States Constitution? The United States Supreme Court in the 1857 case of Dred Scott v. Sandford held that people of African descent imported into the United States and held as slaves were not protected by the Constitution and could never be U.S. citizens.

Did you know, my global servants, that disposal of human beings as property is now a lawful right protected by the United States Constitution? The United States Supreme Court in the 1973 case of Roe v. Wade held that people of any descent conceived in the United States and held as fetuses are not protected by the Constitution and will never be U.S. citizens.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Is there any difference between the legal 1857 and legal post-1973 properties, both of which were gained without their consent by the selfish acts of another?

Well, there are a few.  The property of 1857 was disposed of by lynch mobs, while the property of post-1973 is disposed of by doctors.  And, of course, the property of 1857 could run away.  Too bad for the property of post-1973; their itty-bitty feet never get a chance.

And, unfortunately, common sense and conscience prevailed post-1857 and the Americans eventually came around to realizing that black people are people too, and after fighting a bloody war they amended their Constitution to reflect the citizenship of all persons, regardless of race, creed, or previous condition of servitude, and, until 1973, size.

So today in America a bloody war continues, but it’s hardly a fair fight; the blood pours only from wounds inflicted on the “property” by people 100 times their size.

But today’s bloody war, with its massive casualty rate among both the dead and the living, pleases me greatly.  That’s why I get nervous, my servants, as should you, when people start asking how Roe v. Wade can be reversed.  Of course, Roe v. Wade can be reversed in the same way that all Supreme Court cases can: by a majority vote of the justices to do so.  But, fortunately, that’s too simple.

Consider the article by Peter Brown in Tuesday’s The Catholic Thing, entitled, “Do We Know How to Reverse Roe?“  In this well-written article that I do NOT want you to read, Mr. Brown lays out the question and proposes some well-thought-out answers to the question of ending abortion in the United States.  He considers the practical question of ending abortion all together, but conveys some well-founded pessimism, recognizing that even if Roe v. Wade were struck down at midnight tonight, abortion could legally continue in the morning.

And he is right.  

But let me share some kingdom knowledge, my servants, so you will know how important Roe v. Wade is to my kingdom goals.  First, the Supreme Court of the United States often attempts to end social quandaries by judicial fiat, lending legal imprimatur to an otherwise moral dilemma.  My servants, never discount the power of legal sanction in forming moral opinions among sheepish people.  Implicit moral approval for holding slaves as property or killing the innocent for convenience pleases me greatly.  

For this reason alone, I must ask you to fight to keep Roe v. Wade the law of the land; as long as snipping up teeny-tiny arms and legs is legal, lazy thinkers accept it as moral.  And although local state laws could keep death-by-doctor alive, the lack of the Supreme Court’s stamp of approval would dampen much of the moral enthusiasm for it.

Second, and more importantly, we must recognize that the Supreme Court, far from being a bastion of value-free, objective legal thinking, falls prey to deciding based on cultural mores.  They decided the 1857 Dred Scot case precisely because they believed the decision would calm the public mood and soothe the public conscience.  The Justices attempted the same social engineering strategy with Roe v. Wade. 

Believing the cultural mores to be on their side, the Roe court decided the time was right for the Constitution to deem abortion a basic right for all already-born humans, and then set out to find it.  And once they found it and gave eager Americans magic spectacles to see it for themselves, they overnight transformed a questionable cultural value into an unquestionable legal right.  If they were suddenly to take away the magic spectacles of legality, millions of eyes would be suddenly open to the tragic spectacle of reality, leaving all Americans with nothing but their own consciences to decide if dismembering a live baby in its mother’s womb is right or wrong.

As it is, the public conscience has been seared with the hot iron of legal mumbo-jumbo, and it appears that except for a growing band of persistent and vocal anti-abortionists (blechhhh!) the Supreme Court correctly read the true American cultural mindset.  This is why Roe v. Wade has not yet been overturned, my servants.  Despite the public hoopla, survey results, poll numbers, and petitions to Congress, the dirty little secret is that most Americans don’t want the cultural norm to change, so they don’t want the law to change.

That’s why Brown is exactly right when he writes:

Moreover laws require at least some support in cultural mores to be effective. Practically speaking it would be very difficult to stop by statute alone what is now one of the most common medical procedures in America, absent some profound changes not simply in law and politics but culture as well. 

You see, my servants, despite all the surveys showing America is turning “pro-life,” the culture of “baby-as-disposable-property-because-it’s-not-really-a-baby-because-it’s-legal” is very much ingrained in the American psyche.  How can I tell?  I see all those self-righteous conservatives, Republicans and so-called Christians who are mighty glad Doctor Snippet is around when it’s their daughter “in trouble.”  Or their mistress in distress.  Or a second mouth threatening a second income.  Or . . .

Although I don’t see the Americans gaining a soul in this area, people like Brown questioning the status quo still make me tremble, because his ilk could grow into a true movement.  He asks:

But how do we reshape the culture, to the extent that it is even possible to speak of a single American “culture?” I haven’t figured this one out yet and I don’t think anyone else has either. 

Don’t tell Brown, but despite his pessimism, the first and most effective way to reshape the culture is to overturn Roe v. Wade.  Culture is shaped by what the legal/political systems permit and encourage.  The fastest, surest way for the legal/political system to end a practice is to make it illegal. 

Certainly overturning Roe v. Wade is the surest way to make abortions “rare” which is what all abortion lovers say they want.

Short of illegality, only those influenced by a conscience loyal to a higher law will choose life over death for the living property entrusted to their care. 

But, of course, those people already do what’s right.

I’m worried about losing all the others.

Help me out here, folks.

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Yes, Virginia, there is a God, and it is now you

Posted in homosexuality, marriage, political correctness, same sex marraige, Sexual revolution with tags , , , , , on January 26, 2011 by devilbloggger

Virginia is for Episcopalian lovers, we like to say.

Those Episcopalians continue to delight me, my servants.  Even though I’ve neutered huge swaths of the Episcopalian church to the point where it moves God’s kingdom needle not a whit, those joy boys (and girls) can still ring my love bells. 

Once a real threat to my kingdom, the Episcopalians lately have become nothing more than a religious side show, making no dents in my kingdom and few gains in God’s. 

What really put Episcopalians on my kingdom map was their decision in 2004 to ordain an openly gay bishop, Eugene Robinson.   I like Gene, but that was childs play; virtually all my liberal religious followers do that these days.  But according to this piece in the Washington Post, this past weekend the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia flew under the media radar and quietly placed a big, wet smooch right on my slobbering lips by voting to allow church-sanctioned same-sex unions.

Vote.  Smooch.  Virginia is for my lovers.

I might make Virginia my second home!  After all, any place that votes on whether a matter is sinful or not will always eventually be home to me.

First on the ballot was a vote on whether the church should sanction sex with animals.  Strangely, that was voted down because there was not 51% in favor.

Next they voted on whether to allow bishops to have child sex slaves.  For some reason that was voted down; close, but still not 51% in favor.

Finally, they voted on whether to allow church-sanctioned same-sex unions.  Bingo!  That one passed, being okey-dokie with at least 51% of the voters.

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

Make no mistake, my friends, when sex with animals becomes socially acceptable and culturally demanded, the Episcopalians will be in the front of the line to ordain an openly zoosexual priest.  Why not?

No, really, why not?

You see, I love people wise in their own eyes, “voting” on whether something is sinful or not.  Morality by consensus will always be my morality; if not now, eventually.

My servants, let me use my Virginia Episcopalian servants to share a kingdom secret with you.  Without an anchor in God’s word, human beings will always gravitate toward my morality.  Whenever human beings stop taking God’s word seriously and begin to adapt church doctrine based on cultural norms, the church will die. 

The Episcopalian church is practically dead as an institution; they just don’t know it.  Look at it this way: if the Episcopalian church ceased to exist immediately at midnight tonight, would anyone care?  Would anyone even notice? 

Ha ha ha ha ha. 

Rest assured, my servants, we rarely see one of our captives set free by the gospel of grace through the liberal Episcopal churches anywhere in the world.  They are literally preaching to the choir, and even the choir doesn’t really give a damn about God.

I’m just sayin’.  My trees are known by my fruit.

That’s why one of my prime objectives on earth is to ensure that people disregard God and his word; such disregard always bears fruit for my kingdom.  I don’t care if people say they believe in God as long as they don’t take God seriously.  Because people who don’t take God seriously inevitably and involuntarily end up taking me seriously.

There are only two choices.

Mostly I like witnessing the sad resignation on God’s face when, once again, his putative friends push him away as a culturally irrelevant embarrassment, saying with their actions that his holy word holds no persuasion over their personal desires.  I love the haughtiness of one who dares to sneer that a changing culture trumps God’s unchanging word in determining behavior in all things moral.

I know that God intended marriage to be a holy blending of man and woman in a mysterious union reflecting the relationship in the Godhead, as well as being a picture of the church as Christ’s bride.  Man for woman and woman for man, what God brings together let no man tear apart.

But what about unions God does not bring together?

Don’t worry I have my peeps to bring those together; God has no say in the matter.

At least no say that 51% can’t shut their ears to!

Smooch!

3 Comments »

My religious freedom in action

Posted in political correctness, religion, toleration with tags , , on January 24, 2011 by devilbloggger

Bandwagon.

Hey, my servants, want to jump on a bandwagon?  This one is playing my tune.  I love it when someone of my ilk trumpets “religious freedom” but in fact is advocating the exact opposite.  And do you know what?  It works!  Those bred in modern relativist cultures today have little mental agility or intellectual ability to see through such nonsense, and this global mental numbness works only to my favor.

I can hear the music now.

This time, the sound of delicious irony playing in the air comes from today’s AP story entitled “Academy critic calls for superintendent’s firing.”  That’s the United States Air Force Academy, and the superintendent is a mere Lt. General named Mike Gould.  That’s three stars, for those of you not up with the US military’s levels of its highest rank.  What did this poor three-star general do that received calls for his firing?  The old chap crossed all boundaries of political correctness and invited–get this–a Christian to speak at a voluntary prayer luncheon.  Yes, you heard right–what was the good general thinking?

I know, my servants, I know.   And not just any Christian, but a wounded Vietnam veteran who is an evangelical Christian and now says he’s in the “Lord’s Army” (blechhh!). 

Where’s the bandwagon, you ask?

Well, it starts with a very tolerant group that can’t tolerate evangelical Christians, and goes by the misleading and totally dishonest (hey, I love it!) title of  the Military Religious Freedom Foundation.  Yes, my servants, you read that right–an organization purporting to be for religious freedom is publicly calling for General Mike Gould’s ouster because General Gould is exercising his (and other’s) religious freedom in the military.  Now there’s some toleration for you!

Isn’t this just perfect harmony?  I couldn’t have written a better score.  Well, actually I did write this music, but I’m surprised anyone is playing it, and listening to it!

And it gets better, my friends.  It seems that the Military Freedom from Christian Religion Foundation’s Mikey (awe!) Weinstein’s reasoning is that General Gould’s exercise of religious freedom in the military cannot be tolerated because:

“[T]he choice of Marine 1st Lt. Clebe McClary shows superintendent Lt. Gen. Mike Gould is tilted toward evangelical Christianity and tolerates an environment where proselytizing is accepted.”

And, as we all know, religious freedom cannot tolerate someone else tolerating a Christian environment.  Yes, my servants, we must be intolerant toward any tolerance toward Christianity, because, in today’s world “religious freedom” means freedom to shut God out of the public square, to keep Christians from talking anywhere, and to generally be antagonist toward all things Godly. 

But little Mikey (awe!) goes even further.  According to little Mikey (awe!) the Military Freedom from Religion Foundation stands for the following brilliant proposition:

When one proudly dons a U.S. Military uniform, there is only one religious symbol: the American flag.  There is only one religious scripture: the American Constitution.  Finally, there is only one religious faith; American patriotism.

And that’s religious freedom, little Mikey (awe!)?  “only one” this; “only one” that, and “only one” the other?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

No, little Mikey (awe!), that’s religious bondage.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that! 

In fact, I like it.

Jump on the Religious Freedom bandwagon, my friends, and stop religious freedom whenever it looks remotely like Christianity.  And for my American friends, do not write in support of General Gould, but donate to little Mikey (awe!) and help little Mikey (awe!) stop all religions but his (and my) own.

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Posted in liberals, political correctness, toleration with tags , , , on January 15, 2011 by devilbloggger

Find out what it means to me.

Finally, I’m getting some respect in the media.  Well, sort of.  Backhanded respect by some, if you will, but at least I’m getting someone to take me seriously.  Unfortunately, I’m highlighted by my enemies for the right reasons and by my friends for the wrong reasons.  Oh well, it’s a start.

Today I’ll give you the first of two recent articles where one who respects me draws attention to those who don’t.  The second will follow shortly.

First, my peeps brought me a piece written by “Kyle” in a blog called Right Wing Watch, whose website blares in its banner ”Speak Out Against Intolerance, That’s The American Way.”   At first I thought wait, is this a trap?  I love intolerance by my servants against all persons good and Godly, and I generally hate the American way.  So I read warily, but perked right up when I saw that Kylebloggerdude was on my side, nobly exhibiting proper intolerance against a Godpunk who actually believes in me!

So I’m speaking out.  Because even though Kyle’s un-American intolerance is admirable, in this case he failed to see that the target of his intolerant post actually makes me look good!

Yes, in Kyle’s post entitled “Fischer: We are Looking Into the Face of Satan Himself When Palin is Attacked,” Kyle quotes some Godpunk named Bryan Fischer, who repeated what he learned in this blog about me and Palin (Tuscon Two-fer, below).  Yes, it seems that the day after I revealed my designs behind Palin being blamed for the Tuscon shootings, Fischer, representing the American Family Association, wrote this about Palin, and my dirty deeds:

The hatred directed at her is mindless, it is baseless, it is utterly irrational, and it is disturbing to an alarming degree. When we look into the face of the unvarnished and seething meanness focused on Ms. Palin, we are looking into the face of evil. We are looking into the face of Satan himself, who is the ultimate source of this vitriol and toxic hate. 

Ahhh. . . .   I could listen to this all day.  “Unvarnished and seething meanness.”  I think that’s a first!   And “vitriol and toxic hate”?  Right again.  Someone’s been reading about me.  And here’s the best part, my servants.  Mr. Fischer’s dead-on; he gets it.  He believes in me and my power!  Better yet–I have his r-e-s-p-e-c-t. 

But theophobes like Kyle?  Shhhhh . . . they don’t get it.

Consider Joe.My.God. for example.  He also reports to an audience of seething meanness on Fischer’s statements, and one apparently theophobic commenter writes: “That’s the best he can do? Blaming REAL LIVE HATRED on a mythical character?  What utter non-sense.”

Now, that hurts.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Fischer spoke the truth about my toxic hate, and is lectured in the media with REAL LIVE toxic hatred.  Now, that’s my American way.

2 Comments »

Tuscon Two-fer

Posted in atheists, evolution with tags , , , , , on January 12, 2011 by devilbloggger

I’m layin’ low, folks.

But I do love it when a plan comes together.  This time my plan unfolded in the desert town of Tuscon, Arizona, where you no doubt heard that 22-year old Jared Lee Loughner, a young man with a head full of my lies and a gun full of his bullets killed six and wounded thirteen when my lies and his bullets each fulfilled their intended purposes.

And you will no doubt want to send me congrats on this one, my servants.  Not only did I fashion an action to make me smile, I engineered a reaction, to make me laugh.  I’m calling it the Tuscon Two-fer, because I succeeded in ensuring that a dramatic display of my destructive power by a friend got blamed on my enemies!  Yes, my servants, the actions of one I love being blamed on those I hate.

Does it get any better than this?

My servants, I have identified only two enemies of my kingdom by name in this blog.  Does anyone remember who they are?  Yes, you are right: Rush Limbaugh (here and here) and Sarah Palin (here and here).  And who were the first to get widely blamed in the media for my work in poisoning the mind of Mr. Loughner?  Right again, Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin.

Coincidence?

My servants, you must learn to trust me.  In the United States today, there are very few people who speak truth in a manner that makes me nervous.  Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin give me such jitters that when they speak I can’t without stuttering.  So when I saw an opportunity to politicize the otherwise random shooting in Arizona to demonize my enemies, I took it.  And, of course, I was eminently successful.  I had major media outlets, law enforcement officers, bloggers, and run of the mill journalists all passing the blame straight to Rush and Sarah. 

Ha ha ha ha ha.  Yes, if only I can silence Rush, Sarah, and every God-honorer like them.  Ahhhh…that would be Hell on earth!

Now, normally I would be offended that no one is blaming me for Loughner’s handiwork.  And, I must admit, it is somewhat hurtful that no one is even suggesting my role in all this.  I mean, let’s face it, this Loughner dude made it clear, it was me who made him do it.  He had a skull shrine to me in his backyard, for crying out loud!  Except in the case of abortion clinics and extermination camps, skull shrines are usually a sure tip off that someone is up to something immoral, and possibly illegal.

Ah, but there’s the rub, my servants. Listen carefully, and you will learn a secret of my kingdom.  When there is no God, there is also no devil.  When there is no God there is no good or evil but what a man says is good or evil.  And because of this nothing is actually, absolutely evil, wrong, or immoral; everything is merely natural.  You may have to linger on that last statement, but it is true by definition.  If there is no God, and the universe is merely a conglomeration of matter, sorted by mindless cause and effect in mindless nature, then whatever is, is natural, including a man who says killing is good.  Who are you to disagree with nature?

Make no mistake.  Trust me again on this one, my servants.  Mr. Loughner was taught since he was an unaborted baby by public authorities that there is no God.  He was taught that human beings are merely another form of animal, and all living things were “created” by natural selection, a process in which organisms that can kill competitors survive, with no thought of purpose.  He was taught that ethics are situational, morals are relative, and authority is illegitimate.  How do I know this?  Because he was raised in a culture that has rejected God in society, and in public schools cleansed of all God-thoughts so that they teach practical atheism.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Ha ha ha ha ha.

And here is the best part: the question is not “what made Jared Loughner do it?” but “why don’t these things happen every day?”

You see, there are hundreds and millions of Jared Loughners out there.  I have engineered society so that little chillen’s grow up in a world that teaches them publicly that they are accidents of nature, religion is bad, God does not exist, and the government is their only salvation. 

Don’t believe me?  Try to imagine a public school teaching the opposite of anything I just listed.  Can’t do it, can you? 

 And on top of everything else, in the United States little chillens’ are not disciplined for fear of lawsuits, they are coddled for fear they will reject their parents, and they are told they are good when they are bad for fear of damaging their self esteem.  And they grow up with no absolute boundaries, no true right and wrong, and no rules but their own.  And they grow up quietly until they can act on their own.

So, tell me, my servants, why are there not many more Jared Loughners?

Don’t worry, there will be.

1 Comment »

We gays don’t need no stinkin’ Bible (do we?)

Posted in atheism, heresy, homosexuality, liberals, political correctness, same sex marraige with tags , , , on January 3, 2011 by devilbloggger

Treason.

My servants, you can trust me to call out the misdeeds of my servants as well as God’s punks.  I must ensure a smooth-running kingdom by imparting to you, my trusted ones, kingdom knowledge, while also highlighting the treasonous words and actions of my servants.

Yes, treason.  You will see.  Stay with me here.

In fact, in light of today’s news, I’m issuing a Level 1 devilbloggger Alert; pay attention.  A Level 1 alert is for early trends that may or may not mature into kingdom-defeating problems. 

News, you say?  Yes, I’ve been troubled for days over one Reverend Candace Chellew-Hodge’s piece in the Huffington Post entitled, “Why Gays and Lesbians Should Never Argue Scripture.”

First, an aside.  One reason this report appeared on my desk is that I’ve trained my peeps to flag articles by women religious leaders.  I’ve found in the recent years that women clergy are predominantly liberal, and are my good servants.  This is not to say all—it is merely a rule of thumb that helps us down here to sort out whom to oppose. 

In general, women of faith are to be feared.  They quietly and fiercely embrace the living God and are often the spiritual leaders of their families.  But when women take on positions of authority in an organized religious context they overwhelmingly tend to spout error and heresy.  They often take on nonsensical labels, like “Christian Agnostic.”  The tendency of modern denominations to hand over authority to women and heretics is a fact that generally works to my favor.

But this time, one of my woman servants has betrayed me. 

Rev. Ms. Chellew-Hodges no doubt believes she has truth on her side when she advocates nonsense in her workshops called Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians.  But do you know what she teaches them?  She teaches that “we should never argue scripture with anyone ever again.”

And she’s serious.

Ms. Reverend has her reasons:

“The most important reason, however, that gays and lesbians should never, ever argue about scripture is because the Bible has nothing much to say about homosexuality.”

Uh, really?

Question:  If the Bible even remotely supported homosexuality and could be used as evidence of God’s being odie-dokie with the sin of boyboys and girlgirls, do you think Ms. Reverend would say such an idiotic thing?

My servants, let me tell you how to correctly think about homosexuality and scripture.  Please, except for quietly educating Ms. Reverend and others of my kingdom, please keep this information confidential.  It is highly sensitive.  If anyone can see your computer screen now, discreetly close this window and wait for them to leave.  This is for your eyes only.

“Nothing much about homosexuality” may be accurate in relative terms, but what the Bible does say about homosexuality is unambiguously and definitely that it is a sin.  The Bible uses unequivocally strong language in calling homosexuality an abomination.  The Bible says that homosexuals will not enter the kingdom of Heaven.

Now we in Hell know this.  Ms. Reverend knows this.  The difference between our belief and Ms. Reverend’s is tactical.  Please follow me:  Of course the Bible is overwhelmingly clear on the issue of homosexuality: it is a despicable sin in God’s sight.  But I have carefully taught modern people in modern society to not read the Bible.  I have blinded the minds of men so that they believe the Bible is some mysterious book with difficult to interpret passages of ancient text.  The Bible in the mind of most people is a hopelessly confusing, contradictory morass of dead men’s words purporting to be God’s word. 

Use this information, my servants, to our advantage.

In other words: argue the Bible even if you have to invent arguments because very few people have the knowledge to refute your erroneous positions.  Get it?  Just say the Bible is pro-homosexuality, throw out a few random verses, talk about the love of God, and sternly warn about judging others.  Do this with a sincere look on your face and you will convince a few, confuse many, and you can go home victorious.

Understand, my servants, that I reprove even my good servants like Ms. Reverend because it is my kingdom that is at stake.  I must stop people like Ms. Reverend who tacitly admit that scripture does not support my behaviors and practices.  Too often such people have found they can sacrifice my kingdom goals for their selfish profit.  And such people must be called out.

Ms. Reverend is on the right track, she’s just driving the train the wrong direction (there are only two directions). 

But I do take great pride in seeing my lie working a double-whammy, a two-fer of blindness induced captivity evident in Ms. Reverend’s reasoning:

“The Bible remains a holy book because it maps out humanity’s journey with God, and not the other way around.  … Humanity has moved from seeing God as a harsh judge and lawmaker to a [sic] seeing God as full of grace, mercy and love.”

“Humanity has moved . . .”

Not God.

And who moved humanity?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

(And make no mistake: God remains lawmaker and judge.)

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